If you are Catholic, question about first holy communion...

wifetoawookie

My SD is 8 and is having/doing her first holy communion this weekend.  DH and I are not Catholic but SD's Mom is.  I know NOTHING about what this is, how it works, etc.

Anyway, the rehearsal is tonight and her Mom told DH that only one parent needs to go.  DH's aunt who works at the school told him he needs to go anyway.  So, DH wanted me to go too and we got into a big argument about it because I don't think I should.  I don't think I should be part of the ceremony at all.  She has two parents who are involved and I just don't feel right about sitting up there like I am her parent.  I would not be happy if the situation were reversed and my ExH had his wife sit as if she were my DD's parent.  

So DH's feelings are really hurt and he goes alone.  He gets there and texts me to say that the Mom brought her fiance (her second one in a year) and that he is going to be sitting as a parent and taking part in the ceremony.  

Now I feel like a complete a$$ hat and feel so sorry for DH but I still don't think it is right that me or the fiance should be participating.  There being supportive, yes but standing up as her parents, no.

So, if you have made it this far and know anything about this communion thing please advise.  Should I just suck it up and sit with DH or sit with the rest of his family and just be there more to show my support?? Is it even appropriate for this type of ceremony for me to be a part of it? 

I hate that I am the bad guy now and I feel like SD is going to be self-conscious about having four parents stand up with her instead of two like all of the other kids.  

 ETA: Also, what do you buy an 8 year old for her first communion??  I am at a complete loss.  We got her gold cross earrings in her Easter basket and she won't wear any other type of jewelry.  Suggestions please?

 

 

Starr57

I think that you should sit with DH. Technically, you ARE her parent. When she is with your family, it's you & DH.

ghm

Starr57:

I think that you should sit with DH. Technically, you ARE her parent. When she is with your family, it's you & DH.

Exactly!

wildfloweragain

And even if you don't participate as a parent, family and friends go to support her.

GinandTonic

I had no steps yet when I had first holy communion, but I'm trying to think about how I would include them now.  They're basically all grandparents - my kids have 3 full sets of grandparents and we don't refer to them in any other way.  So, yes, you're family and you should be a part of the ceremony.

As far as gifts, I gave my half-siblings a bond and also some cash (because a bond is no fun for an 8-year-old).  I think we did bonds that matured to 100 dollars (so, spent 50) and another 20 in cash.

wildfloweragain

Just reread and it doesn't look like you were planning to skip the ceremony.  Hm I'd probably ask the mom if she'd like you to be part of it.  Might be too late since you didn't go to the rehearsal. 

I just got a student of mine a communion bookmark and a savings bond.  You can get communion stuff at jewelry stores, hallmark stores, things remembered...

angiepangie

If it was me, I would sit with my DH because it's obviously something he feels strongly about.

Maybe you and your DH should ask your SD how she feels about the situation.

 

ghm

Bible?

Carol*Brady2

Just in the pew watching the ceremony? Yeah, I'd say go to that. I can't remember if their is a part where parents stand up & participate...is there? If so, then I would say just SD mom & your DH would do that. Sorry, I haven't been to one in 20yrs so I really can't remember all that us involved.

littlemermaid

My daughter is having her First Communion in a couple of weeks and how our church handles this is all the children that are receiving their First Communion sit in the front pews.  The families each have a designated row that they can invite their guests to sit with them in.  So you would sit next to your husband in that pew.  In your case it sounds like you are sitting with your step daughter so you should sit with your husband.

shiloh17

Since her mother got her fiance involved, if you dont sit together, your dh will look like the odd man out. So you prob should sit together. I agree with you, it should just be her parents, and you and her stepfather sit separately w the rest of the family. As far as a gift, I was going to suggest earrings, or a communion bracelet. Things remembered or Personalization mall, Personal creations have alot of trinkets. What about a personalized jewelry box engraved with her name and communion date on it? That way she can put the earrings you got her in there? Money is good too! Good luck.

AggieCouple

First Communion is just that... they just go get their first bread/wine with everyone else during regular communion.  There is no ceremony; the new kids just go first in their white outfits.  No other adult but the priest is involved, except maybe a professional photographer.  It's just mass, with maybe an extra long homily where the priest (usually unsuccessfully) tries to engage the kids.  There isn't even usually a spot reserved for family or anything.  Everyone sits just like they do a regular mass.

I don't get why your husband made such a big deal out of the rehearsal. So the fiance showed up.  Maybe he drove her?  I don't get the whole "he was there as a parent."  What parenting role is involved in a communion rehearsal?  It's not a friggin' wedding.  Along those lines, you shouldn't make a big deal out of NOT being a parent, because there is nothing to parent about this.  Be at the mass.  Sit next to your husband in some random pew.  Not.  A.  Big.  Deal.

Does she have a rosary?  My nieces liked those rosary bracelets; it's basically a bracelet with ten beads that be used as a rosary. 

 

Alibabs

I don't remember my parents being part of the ceremony. All the girls sit up the front on the left hand side and the boys on the right.The parents, relatives and friends sat at the back seats.

I would definitely go to the ceremony, if I were you.

As for a gift, i would buy a nice bracelet, necklace, bible or rosary beads or give some cash in a card. That is standard here.