Update to my ranting...

JakesBride07

I addressed the situation with my FIL first, because he is better at handling MIL. I sent him a text and said "Would it be ok for you to ask Mom to take down the pictures of the babies off of her FB? I personally don't feel comfortable with people that DH and I don't know being able to see these photos, especially strangers with whom MIL is friends with even though she does not know them."

He repsonded "Ok, but she is just trying to be a proud grandmother."

I said "I know and I understand that, but please understand where I am coming from. Her privacy settings are way different then mine and I am not comfortable with their pictures being public like that. Not to mention the fact that she was concerned with a few of our mutual friends not wanting to see them. I changed my settings so those effected can no longer view them. Did she do the same?"

No answer...and the album is still up on line. Nevermind the fact that that these are photos that I took, it's not like this are pictures she took on her camera. I am LIVID...and it makes me even more pissed off because she included photos of MIL, FIL and DH with the one baby and put this cutsie boarder around it that says "Our little boy" but yet none of the pictures of DH and I will both babies were included...not even the easter photos!

Natalie_may

I get exactly what you are feeling, in fact there are no Easter pics of my husband and I with the boys in existence but about 5,000,000,000 of SIL with them.  MIL also refers to them as "my babies" and puts pics on Facebook, I feel that this is a common MIL problem. I also get the "proud grandmother" stuff. We are having MIL and FIL over for brunch on Sat to express our feelings and set some ground "rules" (don't want to totally thread jack you but suffice to say her behavior has ranged from irritating to dangerous).  Maybe a face to face with all of you may help?  I was nervous about it at first because I tend to be non confrontational and feel very "outside" of their family but I figured I would never feel "inside" if I didn't speak up for myself.

 It seems like you want your babies to have a good relationship with their grandmother but it shouldn't come at your sanities expense.  Good luck!

MAprincess

I lurk over here occasionally because my nephew is a preemie, but just wanted to let you know that I believe facebook has a policy that if a photo of a minor is posted by a person that is not a PARENT of that minor, you can request that facebook removes it.  Not sure if that route will cause more issues with your family, but that option is there for you in situations like these.

JakesBride07

MAprincess:

I lurk over here occasionally because my nephew is a preemie, but just wanted to let you know that I believe facebook has a policy that if a photo of a minor is posted by a person that is not a PARENT of that minor, you can request that facebook removes it.  Not sure if that route will cause more issues with your family, but that option is there for you in situations like these.

She's got until I get home tonight to make them disappear or I will act on it. FIL just texted me to say "She is upset" so I laid it on the line for him real nice and clear. I am waiting for a response.

I am proud though because I think I handled it civily and just made it clear that one she has no right to be upset because I asked her to take them down (or change her settings) two they are OUR babies not THIERS...and that we all need to work together so that the twins can have a stable and healthy relationship with the both of them.

I also made myself clear about what the ground rules are for the babies coming home and that uninvited guests will not be allowed. So no unannounced visits. Nor will anyone be here with us the day they come home. And I also addressed my concerns about MIL caring for them because of her phsycial condition, I even said that DH shares theses concerns but we all know he never speaks up, but if they had any more concerns to take it up with DH.

ruthiewith

I am really impressed with your honesty and straight forwarded-ness (if that's a word, lol).  I think you handled it really well and were diplomatic and clear - how did it turn out last night?

photoqueen115

I keep reading your post over and over again. I think my MIL and your MIL could be twins. My MIL thankfully doesn't know how to use FB. But everything my kids do is a ____ (our last name, so my her last name) thing. When my DS was born he looked nothing like me, still doesn't in my eyes and has my hubands personality. He would spit up and say its a ___thing. and it drove me nuts. She tries to do that with my DD but she looks like my side of the family. She reminds me of a mini version of my mom.

The way she talks about them is like she sees them everyday, Even though its lucky if it's once a month and my MIL & FIL only live 15 min from us. I think my MIL would be happy if she could just take the kids and my H and I were out of the picture.