a little advice?

amyfelice

I have a good male friend from medical school who is married and has three kids. His wife is the one I normally wind up contacting about playdates etc. I like her, we have a lot in common but I get sort of a strange hot and cold, somewhat phony vibe from her. 

Anyway,their two younger kids are 4 and 2. These kids are both home this week (preschool spring break for the big one). We had decided to get together this morning. She scheduled a co-playdate with one of the 4 yr old's classmates at MOCHA, the art  museum for kids. They do claim to have activities for kids as young as 18 months, but I know DD will be trying to put stuff in her mouth and basically getting totally covered in paint. I'm not sure she is ready for that, and I feel sort of irritated that she just decided what we would do based on this other playdate.

I also just realized that she probably had a party for the two year old and didn't invite us. 

would you

A. suck it up and try to have fun at the art museum? Just dress her in crappy old clothes so she can see the two year old and get dirty? (I'm leaning toward A)

B. Be offended about the playdate and the birthday party and decide to avoid this biotch once and for all and just tell her I want to take DD to the park since it's a nice day? 

fricksgirl

Kind of depends how good a friend the husband is.  Is this chick insecure?  Sounds like it.  SOmetimes women can be so, so dumb.  Maybe she's threatened by you?  (Ridiculous, I know, but just an idea).

I'd most likely suck it up and go.  Sorry that sucks.

amyfelice

fricksgirl:

Kind of depends how good a friend the husband is.  Is this chick insecure?  Sounds like it.  SOmetimes women can be so, so dumb.  Maybe she's threatened by you?  (Ridiculous, I know, but just an idea).

I'd most likely suck it up and go.  Sorry that sucks.

i think that is exactly it 

Smuches4u

I say A.  People in general are self centered and she likely wasn't thinking about you or your childs needs but more how could she entertain the majority.  I wouldn't take it personal - she may just be scatterbrained like me and just not have thought it through.  Also the BDay thing may have just been family or guest list restricted by budget, don't assume.  Besides DC will enjoy getting dirty and it'll make for some really fun out-of-the-box photo ops.

tiki_t

C. Come up with a suggestion that's within your comfort zone but age appropriate for her kids to and be honest that you aren't comfortable going to the museum yet. Any mom should understand if your kid isn't ready for something yet. Every kid reaches their point of readiness at different ages.

AvaLikeLava

Smuches4u:

I say A.  People in general are self centered and she likely wasn't thinking about you or your childs needs but more how could she entertain the majority.  I wouldn't take it personal - she may just be scatterbrained like me and just not have thought it through.  Also the BDay thing may have just been family or guest list restricted by budget, don't assume.  Besides DC will enjoy getting dirty and it'll make for some really fun out-of-the-box photo ops.

This. The playdate for the 4yr old may have been scheduled first, or with a friend she hasn't seen in a while. It's, honestly, hard to book activities that appeal to kids of different capabilities, and unf. there's a big gap between what a 4yr and a 2 (or even an 18m) can do.

Same for the birthday. They could've decided not to do a big whop for the 2yr old event. I, for example, have decided that I would plan a big party for the kids every other year. This means a big event every year with 2 kids, but at least I'm not planning 2 big events every year However, if you had already bought a gift you can still gift it if the guy is a good friend.

AnyaBella

amyfelice:

fricksgirl:

Kind of depends how good a friend the husband is.  Is this chick insecure?  Sounds like it.  SOmetimes women can be so, so dumb.  Maybe she's threatened by you?  (Ridiculous, I know, but just an idea).

I'd most likely suck it up and go.  Sorry that sucks.

i think that is exactly it 

I think if this is the case then going would really be in your best interest. Especially if you are wanting to keep her husband as a friend. As ridiculous as it may seem, you may need to show her (repeatedly) that you aren't a threat.

I am wondering why it is that you're more upset with her for not inviting you to the birthday than you are with the husband. If you are closer to him shouldn't he have pushed for your invite? Apparently he didn't, that would make me more upset with him than her.

ETA: I also agree with the PPs that it might be possible the birthday was just a smaller event. We're just doing family for G's first birthday.

amyfelice

AnyaBella:

amyfelice:

fricksgirl:

Kind of depends how good a friend the husband is.  Is this chick insecure?  Sounds like it.  SOmetimes women can be so, so dumb.  Maybe she's threatened by you?  (Ridiculous, I know, but just an idea).

I'd most likely suck it up and go.  Sorry that sucks.

i think that is exactly it 

I think if this is the case then going would really be in your best interest. Especially if you are wanting to keep her husband as a friend. As ridiculous as it may seem, you may need to show her (repeatedly) that you aren't a threat.

I am wondering why it is that you're more upset with her for not inviting you to the birthday than you are with the husband. If you are closer to him shouldn't he have pushed for your invite? Apparently he didn't, that would make me more upset with him than her.

ETA: I also agree with the PPs that it might be possible the birthday was just a smaller event. We're just doing family for G's first birthday.

Well true, but he is extremely busy, he works two jobs and she stays home so I'm sure he relies on her to plan events and I have a feeling she is a bit controlling when it comes to stuff like that anyway. I agree though he is also at fault, but I think it's mostly her doing. If that makes sense.

Also the playdate with us was planned first but she recently became a member at MOCHA so I'm sure she wants to take advantage of it. I guess it's sort of the pattern of events ongoing for several years that is bothering me, but now that I have a daughter I feel she is being snubbed too. Crazy I know, but that's how I feel.

I am going to go because I asked Elena if she wants to go do art with Z--- and she said yes,  

AnyaBella

amyfelice:

AnyaBella:

amyfelice:

fricksgirl:

Kind of depends how good a friend the husband is.  Is this chick insecure?  Sounds like it.  SOmetimes women can be so, so dumb.  Maybe she's threatened by you?  (Ridiculous, I know, but just an idea).

I'd most likely suck it up and go.  Sorry that sucks.

i think that is exactly it 

I think if this is the case then going would really be in your best interest. Especially if you are wanting to keep her husband as a friend. As ridiculous as it may seem, you may need to show her (repeatedly) that you aren't a threat.

I am wondering why it is that you're more upset with her for not inviting you to the birthday than you are with the husband. If you are closer to him shouldn't he have pushed for your invite? Apparently he didn't, that would make me more upset with him than her.

ETA: I also agree with the PPs that it might be possible the birthday was just a smaller event. We're just doing family for G's first birthday.

Well true, but he is extremely busy, he works two jobs and she stays home so I'm sure he relies on her to plan events and I have a feeling she is a bit controlling when it comes to stuff like that anyway. I agree though he is also at fault, but I think it's mostly her doing. If that makes sense.

Also the playdate with us was planned first but she recently became a member at MOCHA so I'm sure she wants to take advantage of it. I guess it's sort of the pattern of events ongoing for several years that is bothering me, but now that I have a daughter I feel she is being snubbed too. Crazy I know, but that's how I feel.

I am going to go because I asked Elena if she wants to go do art with Z--- and she said yes,  

Oh, well yeah that does make sense. I certainly wouldn't rely in my DH to get an invite out. :P 

I guess I would just say that if the kind of odd passive aggressive behavior has been going on for a long time then you kind of just have to weigh how important not only your friendship with the husband is, but also how important E's friendship with the other kid is. If both are important to you then unfortunately I would just kind of grin and bear it and try for the millionth time to get her to like me. Then maybe next time I would make it clear that I was doing the planning for the next play date.

mommy2jay

tiki_t:

C. Come up with a suggestion that's within your comfort zone but age appropriate for her kids to and be honest that you aren't comfortable going to the museum yet. Any mom should understand if your kid isn't ready for something yet. Every kid reaches their point of readiness at different ages.

This is what I would do

amyfelice

mommy2jay:

tiki_t:

C. Come up with a suggestion that's within your comfort zone but age appropriate for her kids to and be honest that you aren't comfortable going to the museum yet. Any mom should understand if your kid isn't ready for something yet. Every kid reaches their point of readiness at different ages.

This is what I would do

Yeah, it was billed as this is what we are doing, feel free to join us. I am going to go, although it's such a nice day, I'd rather go to the park but we can do that in the afternoon I guess. Thanks all. I could always talk to my friend about how I feel about the birthday parties. I'm guessing he doesn't even know we were not invited, probably thinks we just didn't show up. 

m&m818

I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you want with their family going forward. If I wanted to maintain the relationship - I would do A. I still think your DD will have lots of fun getting messy... just kind of craptastic for you.

If you are ready to move on and don't expect to have a relationship going forward - then I would do B.

Birthday parties are tricky, I wouldn't necessarily base my friendship on one birthday party, but it could be a contributing reason to go seperate ways.

tiki_t

amyfelice:

mommy2jay:

tiki_t:

C. Come up with a suggestion that's within your comfort zone but age appropriate for her kids to and be honest that you aren't comfortable going to the museum yet. Any mom should understand if your kid isn't ready for something yet. Every kid reaches their point of readiness at different ages.

This is what I would do

Yeah, it was billed as this is what we are doing, feel free to join us. I am going to go, although it's such a nice day, I'd rather go to the park but we can do that in the afternoon I guess. Thanks all. I could always talk to my friend about how I feel about the birthday parties. I'm guessing he doesn't even know we were not invited, probably thinks we just didn't show up. 

Feel free to join us = We're going and if you aren't into it, we'll get together another time. At least that's how I take it or intend it when talking to my other mom friends. Don't feel obligated. Just call her and tell her you'll catch them another time.