how has 2u2 affected your marriage?

realisticdreams

Because, it's ripping ours apart.  We are arguing constantly, Dh has the traditional view of what a woman "should" do.  And to me that view makes me have THREE children, not two.  

They are both always sick/at dr. appointments, tomorrow Peyton has THREE & I think she has an ear infection so It's probably going to be four.  Even though Morgan wasn't super premature, she's been back in the hospital twice, ER 2-3 times & doctor almost weekly.  

We were fighting tonight & I said something about having 3 kids & he threw his wedding band at me and went to bed.

If he wants to pay child support for two kids that's all him but he needs to grow up. Does insurance cover this type of counseling? lol 

ZTAsunshine

I don't know how 2 under 2 affects marriage yet because I am due next week.  Right now, I know that you are stressed to the max though- I read your blog.  I am so sorry about everything that is going on right now.

Most insurances cover marriage counseling- 10 sessions is what ours covers.  Also if you are religious- many churches have marriage counseling for free.

kcisthebombdotcom

We havent had this happen with 2u2, but it definitely happened after my first was born. We had a lot of problems and some days, I definitely felt like throwing in the towel.

Your insurance may cover this type of counseling. Also, if your DH's employer has an employee assistance program (EAP), they do cover counseling as well for free (I think it's usually 2-4 sessions a year). You either need to talk it out amongst yourself (if you can do so without it turning into a fight which will only make things worse) or get a mariage counselor involved.

Best wishes that things start getting better.

LJR 84

KC_13:

We havent had this happen with 2u2, but it definitely happened after my first was born. We had a lot of problems and some days, I definitely felt like throwing in the towel.

Your insurance may cover this type of counseling. Also, if your DH's employer has an employee assistance program (EAP), they do cover counseling as well for free (I think it's usually 2-4 sessions a year). You either need to talk it out amongst yourself (if you can do so without it turning into a fight which will only make things worse) or get a mariage counselor involved.

Best wishes that things start getting better.

THIS! #2 isn't here yet, but I am almost positive it will be a much easier transition than 0-1 was. My fiance just didn't quite understand what his role was the first couple of weeks/months. I eventually set him straight and everything is wonderful now! I really think some men are just stupid in the baby department.

GL...I hope your LOs start feeling better. I know how frustrating it is to spend a lot of time at Dr's offices.

Telyco

I think we could get into it more if we let ourselves. But we both know that most of our issues revolve around stress and never getting a break. And when you are tired and stressed you could have a 5 hour argument which starts about not changing the toilet paper and evolves into how you don't appreciate me, blah blah blah. Nothing comes of it.

So the best thing we do is let stuff roll off our shoulders. If he comes home from work in a bad mood - and says something that rubs me the wrong way...I just roll my eyes to myself and let him be. He relaxes and then everything is fine. And if he comes home and I am batty from a rough day with the kids, freaking about how messy the house is...and bark at him for whatever reason, he'll give me a hug and play with the kids and give me time to relax. If we get into a little barking session it lasts 2 minutes and then we stop and 5 minutes later we are fine. We rarely, rarely do this, though. I think it is more of an outlet.

We both understand how hard this is without any help. And we both know that we are doing the best we can and the kids are happy and fed We really try to not sweat the small stuff.

I do think, though...that if there are any problems in the relationship - they are magnified x1000 with kids, esp kids this young and close together. It's hard!

LilCMom

I feel like we are constantly just surviving. I try to make a point every night after the kids go to bed to at least try and cuddle with him and connect with him even if it's only for a few minutes before we both fall asleep. We need a date night BADLY. We both work and then it's chaos when we get home until the kids go to bed. A glass of wine does wonders to make us relax...and usually makes you want to get it on too!

sweetpea2003

We have our moments, but overall I don't think our marriage has changed due to our children.  Yes, we can't do whatever we want whenever we want, but we are very happy and thankful to be where we are.  My husband is a very hands on dad so he helps out a lot.  He prides himself in being able to do everything for them without my help (a few weekends ago he sent me to a spa overnight as a surprise and was totally fine with both kiddos) so I get a decent amount of "me time".

I think counseling sounds like a great idea.  Most insurance covers some counseling.  If not, you can go to a community counseling center and they typical bill on a sliding scale for income.

 

laura1

Well, right now we just bought a new house and we are moving, DH hates his job and is actively looking for a new one, along with having had 2 under 2 for almost a year.  We are a mess.  I am hoping things settle down a bit after we move (we are moving right near my family so we may even get some much needed date night time), and when DH finds a new job.  

The two under 2 isn't the problem - it is the stress of moving with 2 under 2 and my DH hating his job all at the same time.

lauraua

I think as long as DH has this traditional view on marriage/raising kids, there will be problems--unless you go ahead and compromise.  I'm stubborn, so I wouldn't want to give in.  Plus, it may be physically impossible for you to give in.  If I were you, I would try to "pick my battles." Try not to argue about eveything.  If your problem is that DH doesn't want to pull his weight as far as taking care of the kids and home, then start making short lists of things that he can help you with, and let him know that you  just can't get eveything done by yourself.  Men act as if they have absolutely no sense sometimes! I hope it's not too late to correct this problem....