I know I can't have it both ways

KellyMRocks

Oh the saga of my father. 

He has disrespected my  wishes and contacted me on many occasions. When it suits HIM. Sending xmas presents, in march. Texting me videos (which he did Saturday).

But he didn't contact me for my  birthday. Which only proves how self serving he is. I feel like a crazy person because I want him to STOP contacting me...but if he is going to contact me anyway against my wishes, then I would like a happy birthday from him. 

Do I even make sense?  I wish I could be like my sister and *truly* not care about him or his antics.

tiki_t

I know you can block mail from him but can you block his phone number from calling your home phone or sending you text messages?

Mrs_Shmoopie

I think it makes total sense.  I hope eventually you'll come to some sort of peace.  Because, unfortunately, I'm afraid he probably will never change.  {{{HUGS}}}

KellyMRocks

tiki_t:

I know you can block mail from him but can you block his phone number from calling your home phone or sending you text messages?

I have. and then I unblock him because I can't take not knowing i f he is trying to pester me.

The next package  he sends is going back return to sender.

OoSparkly

*hugs*

I don't know the history between you and your father, but I think it makes perfect sense. Even though your head knows better and is trying to protect you, your heart still yearns for the relationship you deserve.

caseyleigh77

I am so sorry you have to deal with that crap! I agree with pp. Can you change your number? I know it would be a huge PITA but may be worth it in the long run. As for the mailings...I would send them back to sender without opening them.

Hope you enjoyed your birthday otherwise!

futrkingsley

Kelly, I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with it.  I've never had this issue but have been a bystander to many a family conflict that ended in a similiar scenario -- one party not wanting contact.  You've laid out the reasons to him, right? And he's refused to abide by your wishes?  I know it sucks so much to have him treat you so badly.  And you want to wake up one day to find that he's going to treat you better.

That isn't likely a reality.  And if it were, you wouldn't trust it anyway, for good reason.

Can you get some outside help to sort through this huge thing?  Because refusing contact with your father because he treats you badly is a huge thing, with lifelong consequences for you and for your kids.

lukaface

I'm sorry What a sucky situation.  I don't know what the "right" think to do is, but I think the advise you've been given regarding seeing/talking to someone about this might be helpful.  Your relationship with your father is a huge thing and likely to have a huge impact on you for the rest of your life.  Getting the right tools to deal with him and your feelings could be very beneficial. 

bloominautumn

While I am not fully aware of your relationship with your dad, it seems (from my perspective) that he's totally playing with/manipulating your emotions. I'd be sad if my parent were constantly playing cruel mind games with me. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

mandy0505

I don't have anything new to add from what pp have said. ::HuGz:::

m&m818

Kelly I really don't know what to say. Your post makes total sense to me. I have an odd relationship with my father that I don't understand. I talk about it in therapy often, and still what *I* want from him changes on a daily basis.

The only true therapy I have ever received for my relationship was to write him a letter (about how I feel about him, his actions, his non-existence in my life, his choices etc) that my therapist told me to never send. It let me get my thoughts out with getting into it with him, because that NEVER goes anywhere for us.

Now, I treat him now as I would treat an extended long distance family member. Yes, he is there and yes he is family. But he is not *my* priority nor a priority to my family. I have no expectation for him to be involved in my life. If I can respond to his emails or calls, I do but only if its not overly burdensome (even if just emotionally). I try not to make sense of him, and I try not to spend too much time (outside of therapy) trying to solve our father/daughter issues.

And still there are days I wish he would just remember my (or my kids) birthday.

I know our situations are different, but I hope you can find some peace with your relationship.... whatever the status may be.