Super HTT: Has adoption changed your views...

silliestbunny

On pro-life/pro-choice?

I have always felt like posting this topic but since it is such a hot button for many people, I resisted.  However, based on the thread below, I decided to go ahead.

My question isn't so much about right vs wrong or what you are... but I am curious if your experience in the adoption world has made you more or less passionate about your views?

And please no flaming or ugliness here.... it's really not meant to debate but rather to discuss above listed question

 

Dr.Loretta

Nope. My views have stayed the same, through IF and adoption.

silliestbunny

My views haven't changes so much but I am acutely aware of the need to increase adoption awareness as a choice.  It seems like there's a big disconnect that adoption should be part of the prolife/prochoice discussions of many people.

As a Catholic and wife to a Catholic school teacher, I am frustrated that so much time is spent on the abortion issue with young people.  I teach confirmation and I am good friends with teachers in my husband's school.  Instead of taking time to talk about options for young women (and men) that find themselves pregnant, discussions focus around abortion being wrong, birth control being wrong, and premarital sex being wrong.  I wish we could have more discussions about the what ifs if you are pregnant, is adoptiona viable option?, etc.

What's great with my confirmation kids is that they met our baby girl when she was two weeks old and they know she's adopted.  I hope it leaves an impression on them... esp considering they are all in a high risk (socio-economic) category for a teen age pregnancy.

FWIW-  I am pro-life. 

GLynn2009

Did not change my views but I see how life choices can be hard to make and live with. We are blessed that DD's BM did not know she was pregnant and that DD was born healthy.

MamaB2009

No.  I am still passionately pro-life.  But I very strongly do not believe that being pro-life gives you a free pass to speak critically of or judge people who are making choices you wouldn't.  Certainly none of us are perfect.  And I do not personally believe that any one sin is greater than another.  I envy and covet all the time and believe that those are equally as wrong as abortion (again, these are my personal beliefs).

I think what has changed is my willingness to act.  My daughter is here today because of wonderful counselors and volunteers at a local crisis pregnancy center who donate their time to provide counseling, support and resources to women considering all three options.  When barriers (financial and emotional) were removed that made our birthmother realize that she could carry our daughter to term, she made the decision to make an adoption plan instead of having an abortion...and it was a decision made under serious pressure (time constraints as well as financial and emotional).  Many women who come through this particular center have many barriers to parenting and adoption.  Through our experience I have realized that if I am truly passionate about something, I can't sit at home and wish it away or wish it were different or disparage those who choose differently than I would.  I can act by offering my time and love to others who need it.

artletzler

I have always been pro-choice, but since IF and beginning our adoption journey, I have felt my opinion waivering.  I believe they should educate and council more on all options including adoption and hope that more people realize that there are loving couples / families out there that are more than willing to love and raise these babies.

kiyote72

No...i am still Pro-Choice.  It is her body not mine...i have no right to judge.

babywisher

It has not changed my views. I have always been VERY pro-life.  But like pp stated, it has made me more aware of speaking out about adoption being a choice as well. I was able to introduce ds to our youth group at church and speak to them about adoption. It was a great experience and hope it helped them learn that it is an option.

rach2100

kiyote72:

No...i am still Pro-Choice.  It is her body not mine...i have no right to judge.

Ditto all of this.

purplerhi

I agree with PP that there should be more talk of adoption as an option.  I think that there are often time where there are only two choices presented: abortion or parenting.  I think that adoption should be presented more; however, my views have stayed the same. I personally am against it, but I don't feel it is my right to tell someone else what they can do in this situation.

lisanjay

I am pro life and always have been. It makes my stomach turn when people from either side passes judgement or calls others names for their opinion or beliefs.

MamaB had some really good points. I agree that I am much more active since adoption is so important to me. I think anyone that walks into a clinic should have counseling, an ultrasound and given ALL the options and told what resources are available if they choose to parent or place baby for adoption.

silliestbunny

lisanjay:

I am pro life and always have been. It makes my stomach turn when people from either side passes judgement or calls others names for their opinion or beliefs.

Yes to this!  

Along this line, I am probably more sensitive and aware of the difficulty people have when faced with choices during an unplanned pregnancy. 
 

MrsKolasa

No my opinion has not changed. While IF and adoption did give me some real life experience with choices, I still do not believe that I have any right to tell someone else what to do with their body.

Like I said in the post below, I am pro-life for me but pro-choice for everyone else.

soon2Bkranz

It has made me more passionate. Meeting potential birthparents...getting our daughter and meeting families on the adoptive side has stregthened something that I didnt think could get any stronger.

I am firmly pro-life (although I hate both those terms...since pro-life and pro-choice are both accusatory)

 

Jermysgirl

I will be pro-choice until I die.  My body is my choice.  Your body is your choice.  You stay out of mine, and I'm happy to leave yours alone too! 

These women who are considering adoption aren't baby factories for our personal gain.  They're women with feelings, and adoption is not a feasible option for a LOT of women.  Adoption is an incredibly difficult choice, and some women aren't able to fathom carrying a child to term, feeling it kicking inside them, and then handing that child off to another family to raise.  For some women, abortion is the choice that makes sense.  There but for luck, go I.

 

wille2b

always have been and always will be pro-life.... our bm was days away from an abortion before she found us, that haunts me to this day that someone was going to just "get rid of him"... everyone should have a chance at life, not for us to decide who gets to and who doesnt get to experience life

*Willis*

Nope.  I'm still totally pro-choice.  Not my body, not my choice.  Not to mention the hundred different situations where I can understand why a woman wouldn't want to carry a baby.

To be honest, I think it makes BM even more amazing.  They had a choice, but chose to give life to their children and make the difficult decision to not parent.  If the shoe was on the other foot, I can't say that I would make the same decision. 

 

silliestbunny

I appreciate everyone's POV. 
Jeremy'sGirl... your points definitely gave me pause.  It's always helpful to hear other perspectives.  Thanks!

Our birth mom as encouraged by a family member to go to another country to perform an abortion during her 8th month.  I say prayers of thanks every day for our birth mom who was strong in her Christian convictions at her young age.

Jermysgirl

silliestbunny:

I appreciate everyone's POV. 

Jeremy'sGirl... your points definitely gave me pause.  It's always helpful to hear other perspectives.  Thanks!

Our birth mom as encouraged by a family member to go to another country to perform an abortion during her 8th month.  I say prayers of thanks every day for our birth mom who was strong in her Christian convictions at her young age.

I enjoy discussing things about which I'm passionate and I love hearing the other side's views.  I am a Freethinker and I am always interested in the possibility of changing my thoughts!

sabrina69barnes

 I am very prolife and I do judge people who have abortions and think they are ok. I'm an adoptee who was born to a very poor 15yr old mother living in an abusive home. So many people told her to abort me and thankfully she didn't. I take it very personally when I hear people talk about why the think abortions are ok. I feel like they are saying that it would have been fine if my mother had had me killed. I guess adoption hasn't really "changed" my opinion of adoption since adoption has always been a part of my life.

Cissi64

I'm kind of split on this topic.  I hate it when people use abortion as a form of birth control.   I also ( selfishly) wish there were more babies availble for PAP to adopt-That is the IF part of me talking. 

On the other hand I have heard stories from SW about a 10 yo who was the victim of incest and a mentally handicapped  teen ( mental age of 5 yo-- victim of rape) that she had to witness give birth,  In those cases, I think abortion may have been a kinder option because they didn't understand what was happening to them and they both had their children removed because they couldn't parent.

Having had 5 miscarriages, I want to tell someone comtemplating  abortion of the pain and loss you feel and that they shouldn't choose to kill their child. That is the very sad-I-want-my-baby-back part of me talking.

I don't want abortion made illegal again so women don't have to make horrible choices that might end their lives.   I don't want people having and parenting children they don't want and resenting said children and possible neglecting or abusing them. I don't want the women who have to have medically necessary terminations ( also called abortions in some circles) to be villified or have to risk their lives on a pregnancy that isn't going to end well.

I use to be adamantly pro-choice.  My experiences with adoption changed that slightly but my experiences with loss has put me squarely on the fence but leaning toward pro-life but only in the sense that I wish for more counseling/ awareness of adoption being a really good alternative to abortion.  I believe every woman has the right to make their own choice, I just wish they would all choose life

wille2b

sabrina69barnes:

 I am very prolife and I do judge people who have abortions and think they are ok. I'm an adoptee who was born to a very poor 15yr old mother living in an abusive home. So many people told her to abort me and thankfully she didn't. I take it very personally when I hear people talk about why the think abortions are ok. I feel like they are saying that it would have been fine if my mother had had me killed. I guess adoption hasn't really "changed" my opinion of adoption since adoption has always been a part of my life.

hway24

I think it has changed my opinion a little bit. After IF and now that I'm waiting for a match I feel more pro-life than I did before. I definately judge more now when I hear of someone getting an abortion. I usually think something like I wish they'd given that baby to someone who really wants it or that she just doesn't understand how lucky she is and that it's such a miracle to even be pregnant. I know their choice has nothing to do with me not having a baby but it's how I feel. So that's definately changed, because before I would just always think her body her choice.

I can't say I'm strictly pro-life or pro-choice because I'm kinda both. I still feel like it is the woman's choice and don't think abortion should be illegal. I definately agree that in certain situations, like rape, I can totally understand choosing abortion. But when I hear of people basically using it as brith control I think that is so wrong. I guess I've always felt like its something that kinda has to be case-by-case, not something that you just say is right or wrong, black or white. Everybody's situation is different.

Also like many of you said, I definately wish that adoption was given as an option more often. Alot of people think that there are only 2 choices in an unplanned pregnancy and I wish that adoption was talked about more openly in our society. 

JanieJones

No change for me.  There are just too many variables to the discussion for me to ever be in favour of eliminating the choice for abortion, even after having difficulty with IF.  

It's beyond it being simply not my body, it's also not my circumstances to understand or my place to judge other people.  I hope that all women have peace in which ever decisions they have to make (or face).

 

 

foundmylazybum

Pro-Choice.

In my opinion being pro-choice means educating about all the choices. Adoption, abortion, birth control, IVF, surrogacy etc. 

It's giving the woman all the options and choices available so she can make the best decisions.

Pro-life (to me) means eliminating some of the options and that simply does not make good sense to me.

Having a child will not change my view on this topic.

 

white318

It has not changed my views as I have always been pro-life.  From working as a volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center and learning that less than 1% of abortions are for medical reasons or because of rape or incest, (the only reasons I could understand considering it) it saddened me.  I also really believe that ALL of a woman's options should be discussed, including adoption, and how much support there is out there for women in unplanned pregnancies.  They should not need to feel as though abortion is the only option in a crisis pregnancy situation.

foundmylazybum

I feel like something needs to be clarified here.

Pro-Life has a very specific definition..and many people who have said "I'm pro-life," you may want to examine exactly what that means..because pretty much everyone who has said, "oh I'm pro-life," hasn't met the definition of pro-life. They are actually pro-choice. Every person who mentioned they would want adoption discussed as an option as much as abortion..you are pro-choice--giving a woman any option or choice over her body AND the baby--you are pro-choice.

 

The definitions of most words and terms are not really flexible--to meet the needs or morals of the individual.

If you are opposed to the legalization of abortions, and for the full legal protection of embryos and fetuses then you are pro-life. 

 

 

mommymoore2011

I've never adopted but I came to my conclusion a few months before I started lurking here:

"When adoption's an option, abortion isn't; and adoption is [almost] always an option."

 

I understand your body blablabla, or trauma, but I've been sexually assaulted and in my initial counseling  they talked about what if I were to become pregnant due to this event. I cried and didn't want to have a reminder of that event, but when the test was positive a few weeks later I knew that I wanted someone to have this baby, someone to love it, and I wasn't even able to think "hmm let's make this right by killing this baby" because that's only another wrong on top of it all.   I did miscarry but if I hadn't, someone would be loving that child right now, but it's dead, so they're not. People do that on their own, that makes me sick.

Cissi64

mommymoore2011:

I've never adopted but I came to my conclusion a few months before I started lurking here:

"When adoption's an option, abortion isn't; and adoption is [almost] always an option."

 

I understand your body blablabla, or trauma, but I've been sexually assaulted and in my initial counseling  they talked about what if I were to become pregnant due to this event. I cried and didn't want to have a reminder of that event, but when the test was positive a few weeks later I knew that I wanted someone to have this baby, someone to love it, and I wasn't even able to think "hmm let's make this right by killing this baby" because that's only another wrong on top of it all.   I did miscarry but if I hadn't, someone would be loving that child right now, but it's dead, so they're not. People do that on their own, that makes me sick.

I'm really sorry you had to go through that trauma.  I also think you are an incredibly strong woman to have made the choice to place that baby for adoption!

thirdrailmiche

My views have not changed.  Though hearing about someone having/needing an abortion makes me sadder now than before.

I am pro-choice on abortion.  I am also pro-sex education, pro-counseling and pro-women having options when it comes to medical care.  I am opposed to using abortion for birth control, but don't feel I have the right to judge anyone's circumstances/choices.  Birth control can be difficult to get and/or depending on the culture someone is in may be looked at as something that is not done/not used or seen as as much of a sin as abortion.  Until society realizes that people are going to have sex without thinking about repercussions and that birth control needs to be easier to obtain and use then "unwanted" pregnancies will be an issue. ("unwanted" in quotes because many of us really want a baby)  

I agree that adoption needs to be an option women are given when seeking help.  Perhaps more also needs to be done to keep women who do not want to parent from feeling stigmatized for planning to have someone else to parent the baby.  (Several people have posted about pressure negative feeling about adoption from hospital staff).  An abortion (especially before showing) can be hidden.  It is not so easy to hide going full term and returning from the hospital without the baby. 

Sorry so long.  Rant over.