She's getting an abortion

MissyNWill

About a month ago, I posted that my mom's friend of a friend's 15 year-old granddaughter was pregnant.  Long story short, the girl was going to place her baby for adoption and had heard about us.  Fast forward til now, and she has decided to terminate the pregnancy.

This was never a done deal, obviously, but it still hurts.  Plus I am pro-choice, but I really, really hate her choice right now.

Feeling sad and not sure what to do.

Thanks for "listening". 

Art Teacher

I'm really sorry...that must hurt so much.

Chele

I'm so sorry. 

MissyNWill

Thanks.  It does hurt.  So much for distancing myself from the situation so as not to get hurt should something go wrong.  Yeah right.

 

purplerhi

So sorry.  I hate that you're having to go through this.

Smiley_grl52

She's obviously thinking only of herself. I'm sorry you are hurting from her desicion.

MamaB2009

OP - I'm so sorry.  I know you are hurting.  But your baby is out there.

Smiley_grl52:

She's obviously thinking only of herself. I'm sorry you are hurting from her desicion.

This statement isn't fair.  Until any of us have walked in the shoes of these girls/women, we don't get to judge or call anyone selfish.  This makes my heart hurt just as much as hearing that someone told our birthmother how awful she is for (being UN-selfish) and "giving away her baby."  Many women considering all of their options read this board, I wish we could all keep that in mind.

soon2Bkranz

MamaB2009:

OP - I'm so sorry.  I know you are hurting.  But your baby is out there.

Smiley_grl52:

She's obviously thinking only of herself. I'm sorry you are hurting from her desicion.

This statement isn't fair.  Until any of us have walked in the shoes of these girls/women, we don't get to judge or call anyone selfish.  This makes my heart hurt just as much as hearing that someone told our birthmother how awful she is for (being UN-selfish) and "giving away her baby."  Many women considering all of their options read this board, I wish we could all keep that in mind.

To OP I am so sorry...done deal or not it has to hurt...Lots of good thoughts for you.

Sorry I have to disagree that you have to walk in somebodies shoes in order to make a judgement call...especially in regards to something like abortion.

MamaB2009

You certainly have the right to disagree, but that doesn't change the fact that it is not the least bit fair to call a 15yo girl selfish for choosing not to put her body through a pregnancy in front of an entire school full of people making fun of her...maybe she doesn't have the family/friend support she knows she would need to face that.  Maybe she's terrified of giving birth.  Maybe she doesn't think she wants children ever.  Maybe something negative happened when the baby was conceived.  Regardless, it's her decision. 

Is it the decision I would make?  No, absolutely not.  Is it the decision most, if not all of the women on this board would make?  Probably not.  But not a single one of us has the right to call her names.

And I do revise my original statement, because even if someone has walked in her shoes, they probably still wouldn't judge her or call her names.

Jermysgirl

OP, I'm sorry that you're disappointed, but your baby is out there.  Hugs.

Smiley_grl52:

She's obviously thinking only of herself. I'm sorry you are hurting from her desicion.

This may be the ugliest thing I've ever heard.  I hope it came out wrong, because that statement makes you look like an ass hole.

 

MayDayGirl

oh my gosh I am so sorry, I would feel so sad too. I also am pro choice so it kills me to know that little life is lost, especially when I look at my sweet Aida and know that could have been her too

GulfCoaster

OP, I'm sorry you're hurting.  I think it's natural to hurt in this situation, regardless of whether you're pro-choice or pro-life -- you had started to have hope that this situation would be the one that brings you a child.  Big hugs to you.

 

Smiley_grl52:

She's obviously thinking only of herself. I'm sorry you are hurting from her desicion.

I'm deeply pro-life, but I don't think this comment is called for.  Abortion is a decision that women arrive at for a variety of reasons.  Mrs.B listed a lot of those possible reasons in her post above.  I'm guessing, based on the way you phrased this, that you believe abortion is morally wrong.  But there are a lot of reasons that someone might choose to pursue any immoral action -- selfishness not always being primary.  In your own life, I'm sure you've made a number of bad/sinful choices over the years, as everyone has.  Was the reason for each and every one of those bad choices selfishness?  I'm guessing that for some of those bad choices, you can identify other motivations besides selfishness -- fear of the unknown, fear of consequences, lack of trust in God, peer pressure, etc. 

I don't think that making assumptions about this 15-year-old's motivations and calling her selfish really helps anyone.  Do we want people to make assumptions about the motivations of BMs who place their children for adoption, and call them names?

MrsKolasa

GulfCoaster:

Smiley_grl52:

She's obviously thinking only of herself. I'm sorry you are hurting from her desicion.

I'm deeply pro-life, but I don't think this comment is called for.  Abortion is a decision that women arrive at for a variety of reasons.  Mrs.B listed a lot of those possible reasons in her post above.  I'm guessing, based on the way you phrased this, that you believe abortion is morally wrong.  But there are a lot of reasons that someone might choose to pursue any immoral action -- selfishness not always being primary.  In your own life, I'm sure you've made a number of bad/sinful choices over the years, as everyone has.  Was the reason for each and every one of those bad choices selfishness?  I'm guessing that for some of those bad choices, you can identify other motivations besides selfishness -- fear of the unknown, fear of consequences, lack of trust in God, peer pressure, etc. 

I don't think that making assumptions about this 15-year-old's motivations and calling her selfish really helps anyone.  Do we want people to make assumptions about the motivations of BMs who place their children for adoption, and call them names?

OP- I am truly sorry. I know it must hurt even though it was never a "done deal". It's hard for us to understand when we would do anything to have the chance at parenting.

I must also say that I agree with GulfCoaster and MrsB on this one. While I am deeply pro-life for myself, I don't feel I have the right to tell anyone else what decision they need to make about their body & life.

rach2100

So sorry that you're going through this.   {{BIG HUGS}}

Dr.Loretta

I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of all of you.

Smiley_grl52

I'm sorry all yall took my statement wrong. That's most certainly not the way I meant it to be taken. I know she has a right to do what she wants. Her life, her choices. But I am not a supporter of abortion in any way. I just find it very sad. I'm sorry I offended yall. I truly enjoy coming to this board and reading and posting. I will just try and be more kindly and try to come across more clearly. (It also may be that I had a bad day yesterday with wanting a baby of my own.) Again, I'm very sorry.

silliestbunny

So sorry about your loss of hope with this situation.  Praying for both you and the young woman.

texasnails22

Jermysgirl:

OP, I'm sorry that you're disappointed, but your baby is out there.  Hugs.

Smiley_grl52:

She's obviously thinking only of herself. I'm sorry you are hurting from her desicion.

This may be the ugliest thing I've ever heard.  I hope it came out wrong, because that statement makes you look like an ass hole.

 

Do we have to stoop to the low of calling names? Just because we don't agree with a comment that was said on a public forum??

Jermysgirl

texasnails22:

Jermysgirl:

OP, I'm sorry that you're disappointed, but your baby is out there.  Hugs.

Smiley_grl52:

She's obviously thinking only of herself. I'm sorry you are hurting from her desicion.

This may be the ugliest thing I've ever heard.  I hope it came out wrong, because that statement makes you look like an ass hole.

 

Do we have to stoop to the low of calling names? Just because we don't agree with a comment that was said on a public forum??

I never called anyone a name.  I merely said that her statement made her LOOK like an ass hole.  Reading comprehension fail on your part.  Good try though.