NOT a baby shower :)

bsmead

*PSA- this is NOTHING baby shower related*

We are throwing a couples shower/engagement party of sorts for our friends who are getting married in June.  We want to just do a low, bonfire type thing.  We would like to make it potluck-  is it rude to ask their guests to bring a dish and their own beverages (we are supplying tea, water and pop and cake!)  Our thoughts on the potluck was that then it would take less stress off making sure we had enough food for everyone and messing with RSVP's. 

Also what happens for gifts at these types of events?  Since we are all their good friends, is it okay to all go together to get them a grill or some large ticket item?

Whatcha think ladies? 

Angel0423

I think that's a lot of work to ask of guests unless everyone is in on the planning. My baby shower at work was a potluck, but again it was thrown by a large group who were all in on it.  I do think it is a lot to ask a guest to bring food, drink, and put in on a gift.  I would ask them what they felt comfortable with...

dragon_chica

I think it depends on your group of friends.  But a shower's a shower and typically the host(s) are suppose to take care of everything.  Sorry, not wanting to put in the work because of RSVP issues or whatever is a lame excuse.  I can understand if it's for financial reasons but then I would have a whole different answer for that.

Em208

I think BYOB and potluck is fine if it's purely a get-together for the sake of getting together. If you're celebrating something important I don't think it's appropriate to ask people to bring food and drinks.

[Deleted User]

In my circle it would be fine to have a potluck, but we all love to show off our culinary skills, so we love potlucks and have them often.

However, I would be rather irritated if I were expected to bring a gift to a low-key engagement party AND a dish to share.  If I'm bringing a gift and I'm not in the inner circle of planners, I expect to be fed and beveraged.  But then I think being expected to buy a gift for an engagement party on top of a bridal shower and a wedding gift is way too much anyway.  Three gifts for one event is overkill.

cutebride73

Pot lucks can be a bit risky in the best of circumstances, not knowing what foods people are bringing and how much of what you will end up with.  I can see for work showers, because you typically know who is coming and what they are bringing being at work and all.  But, if you are thinking it will be easier for RSVP reasons, that doesn't seem to make sense.  For a shower that you are hosting, I would think you would want to know what you will really be having. 

If this is actually a shower and not just a get together, then coed or not, I think you need to provide the food and drinks.  At the most, I guess you could say BYOB, but that is questionable too.  When you host an event, you should plan to provide everything - that's just my thinking though. 

Now, if you can coordinate with other people to "co-host" with you and assign things to them to make, I think that is acceptable.  If they are willing to do that - it could be a big help, especially if cost is an issue. 

As far as a group gift, that is completely up to you.  Lots of people do that, but I guess it depends on your group.  Also, if the couple registered for any big items and how many people are going in on it.      

danilynn17

bsmead:

We are throwing a couples shower/engagement party of sorts for our friends who are getting married in June.  We want to just do a low, bonfire type thing.  (we are supplying tea, water and pop and cake!)

Do the guests have to bring wood for the bonfire, too?

 IMO, this is way too much to ask of guests.  Actually, I hesitate to call them guests because you're not really hosting.  If there are financial constraints, invite less people. 

I would be insulted if I were expected to bring a gift for the guest of honor, PLUS food and drink!  

twohniyt

I don't have a problem with the idea of a potluck for a good time.  In fact, I love potlucks.  But for a gift giving event IMO, I think it's a little tacky. 

MsManners

I agree with PP. Potlucks aren't too bad (depending on your social circle) but I don't think they are appropriate for a gift giving occasion.

Gennag1

I think if you through with this Potluck, have he guests bring the recipe for the dish they bring, so it's not like we just want you to bring food so we don't have to buy it all, but more like We want to do a recipe shower so the food guests bring can be tasted and also come with a recipe for the bride to be to add to her collection.

Here's an example of something I found for invite wording:

You are invited to:

A Potluck Couples Shower/Engagement Party

Please bring your favorite dish to share , and the recipe...so that the bride may start her own recipe file with favorite tried and true recipes from her family and friends.

cherokeemomma87

Gennag1:

I think if you through with this Potluck, have he guests bring the recipe for the dish they bring, so it's not like we just want you to bring food so we don't have to buy it all, but more like We want to do a recipe shower so the food guests bring can be tasted and also come with a recipe for the bride to be to add to her collection.

Here's an example of something I found for invite wording:

You are invited to:

A Potluck Couples Shower/Engagement Party

Please bring your favorite dish to share , and the recipe...so that the bride may start her own recipe file with favorite tried and true recipes from her family and friends.

I like this the best, but if you are going to do this then ax the gift idea. Bringing food as well as a gift is a lot, especially if you are actually hosting. Offering your house/backyard is one thing, but hosting means you will be responsible for food drinks and atmosphere.

bsmead

Thank you ladies!

Honestly, I would have complained about having to haul all that stuff to a shower too.  I think we are going to sell it as a "party" not a "shower".