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Single Parents
PoundCake
member
Having a very very hard time
PoundCake
member
I just can't function anymore. I do the bare minimum in going to school, work, and taking care of the kids. He sent the divorce papers. I have a strong gut feeling that he is living with someone and has gotten her pregnant because he is begging me just to sign the papers. I know he's told women that he's divorced and I know he knows in the state of PA that it would be a fault divorce and not a no fault like he sent. (I won't sign them anyway as you have to wait 90 days and I don't like his custody terms of EOW. He is an addict.)
We had our hearing on Tuesday and the master ordered him to have a psych eval and hair follicle test within a month. Last night I met him at McD's so he could see the kids for the first time in 2 months and he made the statement "I have to go now to get to an AA meeting."
I'm jealous that he is getting sober for someone else. I'm angry that he hates me so much and wishes me dead (his words) because I had no choice to throw him out. I offered even then to work with him while he was out of the house to get clean if he would stop cheating too.
It is a year tomorrow that we separated. All I have been doing is crying. I have no support system so its tough. I wish I could pick up and run away. I hate everything and just want to quit it all. (not die or anything although I feel like I want to at times but would never ever do that.)
I'm in counseling but I just can't let go. I love the ass no matter what I try to do. I hate myself for it.
Diagnosed with PCOS June 2004
Abby born 2/2007 and Ally 3/2009
http://Life In Sublurbia.blogspot.com
http://Life In Sublurbia.blogspot.com
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Having a very very hard time
I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to love someone even though they've behaved horribly. I know what it's like to wonder what is wrong with you that you weren't enough to motivate him to get help. I also know that it does get easier! My advice is just to continue to take it one day at a time.
When I hit the one year mark I had really high expectations that I would suddenly be over him/it/the situation as a whole. Needless to say, I was very disappointed when that wasn't the case. Then I was very hard on myself because of it. It's a vicious cycle, one that you have to handle moment-to-moment, day-by-day.
Two and a half years later, I still have my bad days. They aren't as often, but they still occur. However, I'm able to look back at the person I was a year ago, two years ago, heck even 6 months ago and I'm amazed that I'm still here to tell about it.
Hang in there. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I'll help anyway I can.
"There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
Just because he is going to a meeting doesn't mean he is getting sober. My H goes sometimes and would come home stoned....
But I did want to share something else. My brother and my SIL split up 4 years ago. At the time, B wasn't really involved with their DD, and I think he drank a bit much. SIL left him and he got his crap together and now he is so good with DD and he does so many activities with her. He has also recently met a new girl. I am sure x SIL is bitter to see that B got his life together. But he didn't do it for the new girl, he did it for himself and DD. But the really winner of the situation is DD.
All that matters is what you tell yourself... so I would change that story. You don't know for sure if he has a new person, but what you do know is that you did what was best for you and your kids. If he is getting his act together he isn't doing it for someone new- he is doing it because you are forcing him to. The winner of that situation is your children... Have strength in knowing that... as for the mean things he says to you- that is typical addict behaviour... you should get yourself to a support group for spouses of addicts. It might help you realize a lot about your x.
Your all right. I'm going to look into a community counseling once a week too. Once a month counseling isn't cutting it.
And last night I thought to myself-"I don't have to do what I don't want to do."
I'm tired of trying to get him to see the kids.
He texted today and said he'd like to see the kids once a week normally. I had texted on Saturday that I'd be willing to meet him with them once a week.
I said what is normal? He said forget it. I'm not letting him see them alone. I want the drug test completed. He drinks and drives. I need to know my kids are safe first. At first I felt bad and knew that he was going to turn it on me and then I thought, wait-I'm doing the right thing. He has the opportunity to do the right thing. Take the drug test and prove he's clean as the court ordered. I don't have to talk to him, I don't have to listen to him.
I'm trying
(
I think you should minimize contact with him. If he wants to see them once/week can you have a CO supervisor. I think that the less contact the better. How do you KNOW he's clean and sober? My X has said that I don't know how many times, he always says it right after he's been arrested for possession/being under the influence. They're full of crap. Please don't let him bring you down. You are better than that. One day you will look back, be on the other side of things, and be SO grateful you left him. I promise.