Why do people ALWAYS ask about breastfeeding?!?

cwhip77

I got a lot of that when I was pregnant, people just randomly asking if I was planning to breastfeed, and I'm still getting that question!  Do you mommies get it a lot too?  Today was at Albertsons with Mikayla, minding my own business, when one of the employees (a middle aged guy) walks by -

"What a cute little princess!  How old is she?

"Almost 4 months"

"Wow, she's a big girl!"

"Yeah, she was born ginormous"

"I have two at home.  Do you feed her naturally?"

::pause::  "What?"

"You know, do you breastfeed?"

::pause:: "Uh.. that didn't work out for us" ..... walking away quickly...

I probably shouldn't have said anything, or said that was kind of personal, or any of the other dozen clever things I think to say after the fact.  I don't get why people always ask this question so much though.  I could maybe see if they had something to say on the topic, but whenever anyone asks me and I answer they just sort of nod in a "Yup.  Alrighty then" way and say nothing else about it.  What's the point of asking?  Can they just not think of anything else to say and feel like they have to say SOMETHING?  I gave it my best shot to breastfeed for the first 6 weeks and it just wasn't right for us, and even though we're all much happier FF'ing I still feel guilty about it, so when someone asks I almost feel like I have to explain why I'm not breastfeeding and it makes me feel crappy all over again.  Argh!

p.s. if anyone has a good response that tells people to mind their own business but isn't overly bitchy, I'd love to hear it. 

FutureMrsLynch

Ugh that sucks!  Luckily I havent had anyone ask me if I plan on breastfeeding or not. However, I do have an excellent response for you  

Rude person:  Do you breastfeed?

You:  Why, are you thirsty??

That oughtta shut them up

massagegirly

I love it Lynch! I so have to keep that in mind. I have already had many people ask this. Why do people think they can ask you such personal questions.

Goldenbrady

That is too funny Lynch!

Jas*sGirl

Dude even I get asked that question all the time....even though they know she is adopted.  People seem to think I should have dry pumped for 3 months to bring in my milk to be prepared for her.  Dry pumping sounds like dry heaving....neither are something I care to do!!!  Especially not for 3 months straight!  UGH

FutureMrsLynch

Jas*sGirl:

  People seem to think I should have dry pumped for 3 months to bring in my milk to be prepared for her. 

 Wow, I didn't even realize this was something that was possible... Sounds unpleasant.

m&m823

I hate it too.  I want to give people the benefit of the doubt - as in, maybe they breastfed and want to be able to relate to me about it, since it's such a consuming/emotional thing to do.  But I never BF'd and I find that people ASSUME I do/did.  Weird huh.  I am so amazed that BF now seems to be the norm around here (that's great, don't get me wrong!).  However, in response to your lady, knowing that BF can be difficult and some women don't do it because they can't and feel very upset about it, she should've kept her nose out of it.  Its like as soon as you have a kid, people feel they have the right to ask and give unsolicited advice about anything and everything.

m&m823

FutureMrsLynch:

Jas*sGirl:

  People seem to think I should have dry pumped for 3 months to bring in my milk to be prepared for her. 

 Wow, I didn't even realize this was something that was possible... Sounds unpleasant.

 Me neither!  Wow!

tfarabians

Such an odd comment from a man!  However I could totally see my dh asking something like that and not thinking anything of it.  Honestly I'm almost thinking of just ff out next baby because I hated bfing so much!

MissBlush

FML, that's the funniest thing I've heard in a LONG time!!!

Strangely, I have only been asked about BF'ing by men.

I actually had a really nice experience the other day. ?I was pumping in the courthouse bathroom during a break in my trial, and another woman in the bathroom saw me washing my pumping equipment and said that I was to be commended for going to so much trouble for my baby. ?It was really nice to get a pat on the back from a stranger:).?

IdahoGirl

m&m823:

FutureMrsLynch:

Jas*sGirl:

  People seem to think I should have dry pumped for 3 months to bring in my milk to be prepared for her. 

 Wow, I didn't even realize this was something that was possible... Sounds unpleasant.

 Me neither!  Wow!

Dude...I know!  I read about that in one of the Dr. Sears books and I thought - okay, I'm sorry - but THAT is weird.  Seriously.

But I'm embarrased to admit I asked someone this the other day   On Friday, I had my doctor's appointment and my OB got called into a delivery - so the other pregnant mom and a mom that was coming back for her 6 week check up were waiting together for about an hour and a half.  And we were peppering the new mom with all sorts of questions - and I asked her - and then I thought "DOH!  I can't believe I asked a stranger that!!!!"  But I honestly wanted to know how her experience had been - she was so new to it all.....and she did answer me - but I felt SO bad, I think I even said, "yikes, that was personal, I'm sorry"....

So, I'm one of the doh heads that asks a total stranger about it - and yes, I was completely embarrased of myself - I KNOW to save those questions for the board!

Mrs.Fred

Not to be contrarian, but I don't think bf is that personal of a matter. Its the biological way to feed human beings. People's judgments (at least expressed judgments) may not be appropriate, but I welcome people asking questions. Partly as PP stated, to help women get a better understanding of it. Would you get upset if someone asked you if you used dr. browns or playtex? or huggies or pampers? I think we can surround the issue of breastfeeding with too many undeserved emotions and not just see it for what it is.

?And I would encourage people to be careful with their judgments. Implying or stating that a woman who did not come by her child biologically is weird for breastfeeding seems in the same vein of those who found it inappropriate that someone would judge a mom who doesn't breastfeed.?As with most female related topics, I think the most important thing is choice.

IdahoGirl

Okay, I don't think your comments were necessarily directed to me, but I have to answer that, Mrs.Fred...when we get so PC that I can't think something is weird...we've gone too far.  I can think it's weird - and say it's weird.  It is not a social norm for us.  That's just my opinion, I'm far from being one who is too judgemental about what anyone does....I didn't say people shouldn't have the choice to do it, I just said I thought it was a bit weird for me.  Incidently, you'll notice it was an non-breastfeeding adoptive mom who brough it up....

As for comparing bottles to breastfeeding - the debate about which is "better" will go on forever - that isn't the issue - the issue is someone asking you if you bare your breast to feed your child.  That's not exactly the same.  It'd be just as inappropriate to ask a total stranger what sort of contraception they use, what time of the day they poop most often, whether they prefer to masturbate with a partner or with a toy - that's a personal choice - no matter how natural and normal it is, it's private and isn't really something I'd care to discuss with a perfect stranger.

Just my 2 cents...

 

Jas*sGirl

In my response I used all "I" statements.  Never did I say someone else does not have the choice to do as they see fit....dry pumping for 3 months prior to an adoption...one that had every chance of failing as the next one does...did not sound like something I cared to do.  Plain and simple.  What I do think is odd is when people ask a non open ended question....like, so you are breast feeding right?  The question right there comes off as judgmental all in itself!  They could choose to word their question in a more appropriate matter for such an topic that could be seen as very personal one.

MissBlush

I just think it's funny (as in ha ha funny) to say that BF'ing isn't a personal question because it's a biological way to feed human beings. There are a lot of biological functions that we consider personal and don't discuss.  I'd be pretty offended if someone asked me for the details of my menstral cycle, or politely inquired as to how often I have bowel movements.