IVF and No Baptism? WTF? — The Bump
Pregnant after IF

IVF and No Baptism? WTF?

So I called three different churches around the area just to talk to them about baptisms of our babies. We are not religious however our families both are. We decided that we wanted to baptise our children and let them make their own decisions later in life... ALL THREE of them asked me if we conceived our twins natually because they do not allow IVF children to be baptised as they are "against God and the church." WHAT?!? So my children are evidently being denied because of a decision my husband and I made? I am so devistated! What am I supposed to think of this?
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Re: IVF and No Baptism? WTF?

  • What? Seriously! I'm Catholic and it didn't come up. What does come up from my experience is that they want you to have been members of the church.
  • wow, I really dont think its any of their business...so in my opinion, if you call another church and it comes up, LIE. Not that you should have to, but you shouldn't have to answer that question. They wouldn't ask someone with a singleton, what sexual position were you in when you conceived this child? How your babies were conceived is completely irrelevant. UGH, I'm Catholic and that makes me sooooo angry!!!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Loading the player...
  • WOW!

    This is just appalling in my opinion.  I am not religious, but I can't fathom judging (which is what it feels like to me) an innocent child that way.

    I am so sorry you are having such a hard time finding a church that will work with you.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • This makes me so mad and is completely ridiculous. IMO, how one's children are conceived is nobody else's business!!!! for example, what if they were a result of iui? They only asked about IVF? It's just bs and makes me sooo mad especially in this day and age!!!!!
    *SAIF* always welcome
    TTC since October 2007
    Dx with Unexplained IF
    IUI #1-3 w/clomid: Jan-March 2010...BFN
    IUI #4 w/injectables: April 2010...BFP
    1st u/s: 5/17-one little perfect [email protected], 2nd u/s: 6/5-no [email protected];
    missed miscarriage: 6/10 d&c
    IUI #5-7 w/injectables: Sept 2010-Jan 2011...BFFN
    IVF #1: Feb/March 2011...pretty please let this work!!!!

    Expecting twin boys!!!!! Pregnancy Ticker
  • Naturally you wanted to have a family and when it didn't work the way you planned Naturally you looked at how to make it happen and Naturally God made it work for you.  That is what I would tell each and everyone of those churches.  I'm sorry you even have to deal with that.  
    image, image
    My little gummy bear
    image
    10/09-started our journey 3/14/10- Dx anovulatory 12/29 IUI #3 BFP beta 1-25, 2-60, 3-2064. u/s 1 beautiful baby :) 9/22 Baby girl born 6 lb 14 oz perfect !!!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I read about this a while back.  The Catholic church made it's official stance a few years ago that because conception occurs outside of the body with IVF, it is not God's will, and it not accepted by the church.  (This is why some people chose to do GIFT/ZIFT instead because it stays within the woman's body. Dolphin - this is why IUI is OK as well).

    In fact, the article that I read had a Cardinal likening IVF to ABORTION!!!!! He stated that the desire to have a child against God's will is the SAME as the desire to destroy a child against God's will.  It's extremely disgusting IMO. 

    Edit: Spelling

    After 3 years, 3 losses, and 3 IVF's, our little girls have arrived! Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Zoo
  • Wow! That is crazy! I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I am Catholic and will be baptising. But if a certain church has an issue with it, oh well!

    That really sucks. I'm sorry. Your babies have EVERY right to be baptised!

    TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Im Catholic & the Church pisses me off. They really need to come off their high horse. I love the church I go to & my priest because he's laid back so I doubt he would care. He was swearing in our meeting for our wedding & talking about drinking beer with my DH. But the fact that the church as an entity takes a moral stance on issues (like this & gay marriage) really goes up my ass sideways... Im really sorry you're going through this...
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • WOW. That is insane!  In my opinion, it shouldn't matter how your babies came into your life.  The way I see it, God let the IVF work, so that's good enough for me!  If it were me, I would totally call them out on it and make them feel like a moron.  What title does the person you spoke to hold at the church?

    Not in regards to baptism, but when we were looking for a church to be married at, one was extremely rude to me (not from a religious standpoint, it was more member vs non-member) and I contacted the head pastor.  He was completely appalled at the other person's behavior and tried to make it up to me, but by that time we had found a different church that was more accepting, and I made a point to tell him so.

    TTC #1 since 7/08 After 3 years, 2 losses, 3 rounds of IUI, and one round of IVF, we finally have our dream come true! DS born 7/30/11

    TTC #2 off and on since 7/12

  • Indifferent Wow! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. I really have no other words...

    We're not religious by any means and this is another validation for me. I have a HUGE issue with everything being or not being "God's will"... So you mean to tell me that crack whores who have babies is "God's Will"... Right! I'm following you... 

    Again, I'm so sorry. I think if I were in your shoes I would LIE too. How sad. 

    ? We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness... ?

    12/99 - Miscarriage at 12w - 6/08 - BFP - Miscarriage at 8w, 9/08 - BFP - Miscarriage at 8w2d, 12/08 - Found out I am a carrier of a Balanced Translocation between Chromosomes 8 & 16, 8/2010 - DE IVF = FAIL. 12/18/10 - Surprise BFP! Awaiting our Sticky Miracle! 12/20 - Beta #1-1208 * 12/27 Beta #2 - 6002 1/3/11 Beta #3 - 17,146. Beautiful little heart beating away! Stick little one, stick!

    ♥ Brielle Skye born August 17th, 2011 ♥ Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I have no advice but just wanted to say that is ridiculous and makes me so mad for you!
    Diagnosis: DOR and MFI-low everything IVF #1 = triplets! 2 girls and a boy! Born Sept 29, 2011 at 32w6d due to Pre-e and HELLP syndrome Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • If you're not religious, then why not get them baptized at a church that does accept IVF babies.  Methodist, Episcopal and Presbyterian churches all baptize babies and allow IVF.  I'm sorry those churches were so rude!  God is the giver of life and He works through IVF too.  If He didn't want your babies to be here, they wouldn't be.  But He allowed them to be born through IVF.
    IVF #1- Chemical Pregnancy FET #1- PREGNANT!!! Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Wow is right Indifferent

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.  Unfortunately it is what the Catholic Church believes.  I was raised Catholic my whole life and married a Baptist/Methodist.  Our marriage is not recognized by the Catholic Church and neither will our children be recognized by them.  I am much happier looking for a church that I can agree with their teachings and practices than staying in the Catholic Church just for my family's sake.  It doesn't make my Mom happy, but she deals. 

    On a side note, what if you weren't having twins?!  Doubt they would ask then.  Blah, I would just say "twins run in my family..." since they do now and it would get around directly lying to the Church.  ;)  I hate the fact that they're essentially punishing children for a choice that their parents made.  Grr.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • That makes me FURIOUS!!!!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I grew up Catholic and this makes me so incredibly mad!  How is judging, looking down on or denying a child baptism because of the way they were conceived a christian way to fun a church?  Awful, absolutely awful!  I am so sorry you're dealing with this!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Oh my goodness. I was going to contact the Catholic church I attended when growing up later next week to ask about Baptising our LO's and my biggest fear is that they will say this!

    How absolutely terrible....I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imageBathingInBitter:

    So you mean to tell me that crack whores who have babies is "God's Will"... Right! I'm following you... 

     

    This says it perfectly!!!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Wow! This is the most ridiculous and offensive thing I have heard. I agree with pp that I would look into a different denomination for this.  I don't think I would want my children baptized by a church that didn't think they were legitimate.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imageMrsMAF:
    imageBathingInBitter:

    So you mean to tell me that crack whores who have babies is "God's Will"... Right! I'm following you... 

     

    This says it perfectly!!!

    Exactly!!! I'm sitting here fuming over this right now. How absolutely ridiculous.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • When we lost our daughter right away I asked for our priest to come and baptize her. I remember being mortified when the social worker came in and mentioned that she was conceived with IVF. But our priest didn't blink an eye and baptized our baby. I'm trying to say that there are Catholic priests that understand that IVF doesn't make the babies unworthy of a christening. If I were you I would try going to a church for a few weeks and then bring up baptizing the babies. Catholic churches like people to be active members before going through with sacraments.
    Beautiful Miracle Baby lost at 21 weeks due to pre-term labor and incompetent cervix. FET#1 BFN, FET#2 BFP, early loss. FET#3 BFN. IVF#2 BFFN. FET #4 BFP after removing bilateral hydrosalpinx and 3 months of lupron depot. Sticky Bun is here!! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • jcathjcath member

    If you aren't church goers and you are just doing it for your family - I'd be very clear with your family what you were told and why you will not be baptizing your children...at least in the catholic church.

    It's appalling

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • That's disgusting!!!!  I'm so sorry you are dealing with that!!

    If God didn't want infertile people to have babies, He wouldn't have given us science to help make them.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I can't believe that! That's so ridiculous! I'm so sorry.
    TTC Since 01/09
    Unexplained IF
    Clomid cycle 1-3 - BFN IUI 1-3 - BFN 
    IVF 1 - BFP 4/4/11 - It's a boy!
    FET 1 - BFP M/C 6/14
    IVF 2 - 33R/19F 12 PGS resulted in 5 normal embies
    FET 1 scheduled 12/10/14
      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • **lurking**  And if you would have said that they were conceived naturally, would they have asked you which sex position you were in? I'm pretty certain that missionary is the only one allowed and I don't hear them asking that.

    TTC #1 May 2007
    M/C January 2008
    DS February 16th, 2009

    TTC #2 July 2010
    Diagnosed MFI
    IUI#1 w/ bravelle 5/12/11 -- 0% morph on day of IUI, but somehow BFP:
    Beta #1 38 at 12dpiui, Beta #2 85 at 14dpiui Beta #3 1100 at 19dpiui
    DD born December 28, 2011 at 34w6d

    Baby #3 due June 14, 2015

    image
  • I am Catholic and although the church is against IVF, the babies are human beings with souls and should be baptised.  If your churches are Catholic, they are incorrect in saying they can't baptize them.

    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo
    image


    Baby N conceived after 1 miscarriage and more than 2 years of TTC. Diagnosis was low sperm count. We found success after 3 months of anastrozole to increase DH's testosterone and one IUI.
    Some charts AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    image

    I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive. - Happy Gilmore
  • imagebrody8336:

    I read about this a while back.  The Catholic church made it's official stance a few years ago that because conception occurs outside of the body with IVF, it is not God's will, and it not accepted by the church.  (This is why some people chose to do GIFT/ZIFT instead because it stays within the woman's body. Dolphin - this is why IUI is OK as well).

    In fact, the article that I read had a Cardinal likening IVF to ABORTION!!!!! He stated that the desire to have a child against God's will is the SAME as the desire to destroy a child against God's will.  It's extremely disgusting IMO. 

    Edit: Spelling

     That argument doesn't make sense to me. Granted, I'm not Catholic (in fact, I'm Mormon), but it's only the fact that conception happens outside the woman's body that makes it not "God's will"? It seems like if we're talking about "God's will" in that sense, anything beyond having sex w/out contraceptives would be off limits.  Comparing IVF to abortion is downright ridiculous.    I hope you find a different church/priest that will baptize your babies.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagekaterena:

    That's disgusting!!!!  I'm so sorry you are dealing with that!!

    If God didn't want infertile people to have babies, He wouldn't have given us science to help make them.

    totally agree. I'm sorry you are going through this.  

    IVF, acupuncture, meditation and a miracle. 

    image

     Our sweet Valentine's Day FET.

    image

  • imageDaniem0828:
    Im Catholic & the Church pisses me off. They really need to come off their high horse. I love the church I go to & my priest because he's laid back so I doubt he would care. He was swearing in our meeting for our wedding & talking about drinking beer with my DH. But the fact that the church as an entity takes a moral stance on issues (like this & gay marriage) really goes up my ass sideways... Im really sorry you're going through this...

    ITA, though DH and I left the Catholic church when we started dating because of all these reasons and more. We had problems with the way they dealt with the pedophilia scandal, and since then I've seen more and more things that I have a real problem with. We've gone Methodist and have been very happy. God loves ALL of his children. I actually have a friend who goes to a Catholic OB practice and has recommended them to me a few times, but since I know their stance on IUI/IVF, I'm just not interested. Our DDs were conceived with TI, but personally, I think going through the process of IUI/IVF is a much more loving, dedicated act than getting knocked up on a one-night stand. And anyone who's read the Bible knows God loves infertile women and takes care of them.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker TickerPregnancy Ticker
  • As a Christian who loves Jesus/God very much AND am currently pregnant via IVF I find this VERY disturbing.   My husband is a full time worship pastor at a big church here in our town and our church couldn't have been more supportive.  I'm heart broken for you and for all the Catholic church members who have been hurt by their stance.  I just don't understand how the Catholic church can just decide to make up "rules" as they see fit (which seem to change quit often).

    I think you first need a hug and then I want to say I'm deeply sorry for the pain that the Christian Church has put you through.  You AND your children are DEEPLY loved by God.  I hope and pray that you will be able to look past this and know that it's not about organized religion and the act of baptism that makes you okay with God.  Its about a relationship with him, come as you are...thats all he asks.  Hang in there sweetie.  I'm so so sorry.

    "I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine

    "All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."

  • I am Catholic and have never heard of anyone being denied baptism.  In the eyes of the Church, babies are innocent and can't be held responsible for the sins of their parents (which, IVF would be considered sinful).  I would either keep calling churches or I would call the ones who asked that and question if they are actually denying your babies baptism and if the answer is yes I would go to your archbishop and question that.

    As for some of the other responses, IUI is NOT accepted by the Catholic Church.  Also, to say that the Catholic Church shouldn't take a moral stance on issues such as this is kinda funny.  What is the Church there for but to take moral stances? 

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

  • I was raised Catholic as well... and stuff like THIS is exactly why I no longer consider myself Catholic.  I don't agree with people saying they are members of a religion yet do not accept or agree with their rules.  I felt like a hypocrite and felt most of those around me were hypocrites around me.  Catholicism is against premaritial sex, birth control, being gay, let alone gay marriage, and fertility treatments.   Personally, I feel if you are Catholic, then you are saying you agree and support those beliefs. I don't understand being part of a religion you dont agree with.
    TTC#2: septum removed, 2 losses, Stage 2 Endo, thin lining, slight MFI
    iui #5 2/7 + 2/8 = BFP!! 11 dpiui
    Beta #1 2/18 11dpiui= 46, Beta #2 13dpiui 150, Beta #3 16dpiui 584!!
    u/s revealed triplets! Baby B 3rd loss 8w2d. Twins! EDD 10/31/11 * c/s scheduled 10/12/11 My NEW BLOG Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • And people don't understand why some have an issue with 'organized religion'.

     Try another church-- you don't want to be a member of a church like that anyways.   

    My Story and Blog:
    The Conception Craze

    1/2009- TTTC
    After 7 rounds of clomid and HcG, Three failed IUI's with an ectopic pregnancy, two shots of methotrextate, ER visits, breaks, low (3%) morphology One IVF cycle (lupron, gonal-F) that ended in another ectopic, more methotrexate, A Lap to disconnect both tubes, remove endo and a hydrosalphinx, . . .we are finally expecting TWINS from FET#1!
    1.11. 2011: Beginning FET cycle!
    3.11.11- FET! (DH's birthday!) 2 blasts transfered!
    3.20.11- BETA #1 BFP!!! 272! (9dp5dt)
    3.23.11- BETA #2 1346!!! (12dp5dt)
    4.8.11- U/S #1. . TWINS!!! . . .TWO BOYS!
    9.10.11-My beautiful Boys arrive unexpectedly at 28 weeks, 6 days. imageimage
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image

    image
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards