SS emailed me...

FloF9

We've been exchanging emails and pictures, etc...his last email to me was thanking me for caring about him, that he knows the reason I was strict.  He said that he never told me this before, but that I have been a mother to him, more than his own mother.  That she is cold hearted with him - that she is embarrased of him because he's not a child of her current husband's.  He said the only reason he left us was because he missed her - she was never around, and this was a way to be with her. 

Part of me feels like he just had a bad day, but the other side of me feels that eventually he will want to come back.  I think him moving back to his mother has let him see both sides of the coin.  My DH read the email but I urged him not to mention moving back at this time.  I think it will only affect him negatively - not doing well in school because he's moving back.  I reminded him how BM told him it was okay to move to her in December, and SS slacked off in school for the remaining 6 month - getting in serious trouble 3 times.   

Not only that but I still think if he does move back the military school is a good choice.  There are still behavioral things we all have to work with. Counseling is still necessary and I don't think my husband is prepared to take FULL responsibilty for raising his son.  HE left me to do too much of the raising.  We shall see how this goes....

 

j+k

Aw!  THat is so sweet of him to email you. I'm glad you have some good contact with him. I think you're handling this very well. 

FloF9

Thanks.  My DH got very upset about the message - he is sad that BM is cold towards her son that way.  I told him that we needed to come up with a strategy if he does want to move back. 

The problem with my DH is that (and it's taken me up to now to admit) he wanted his son to live with us - which I was totally for.  However mid-way he stopped stepping forward and let me handle the majority of the work.  It's my fault too of course - I am an "in charge" type of person but DH starts falls back into how he was raised.  The man of the house working and the wife does everything else.  Not that it happens to much in our household but I know there were many instances where SS wanted his father's attention, but my DH wasn't overly concerned.   This is the reason for the therapy all these years. 

If we could strategize: we just started taking parenting classes for the twins, come up with a plan for SS, work harder at my DH being more hands on, I think we would be prepared if/when SS came back to live with us.  The more I think about it the military school would be really great.

Campanita

FloF9:

Thanks.  My DH got very upset about the message - he is sad that BM is cold towards her son that way.  I told him that we needed to come up with a strategy if he does want to move back. 

The problem with my DH is that (and it's taken me up to now to admit) he wanted his son to live with us - which I was totally for.  However mid-way he stopped stepping forward and let me handle the majority of the work.  It's my fault too of course - I am an "in charge" type of person but DH starts falls back into how he was raised.  The man of the house working and the wife does everything else.  Not that it happens to much in our household but I know there were many instances where SS wanted his father's attention, but my DH wasn't overly concerned.   This is the reason for the therapy all these years. 

If we could strategize: we just started taking parenting classes for the twins, come up with a plan for SS, work harder at my DH being more hands on, I think we would be prepared if/when SS came back to live with us.  The more I think about it the military school would be really great.

Have you read "Wife in Law?"  It's an old book but really helpful.