Ferber mamas

JenRose05

When you go in to soothe, how long do you typically stay in the room? Also how many nights did you ferber before it worked or you stopped?

Superchicy

When it worked for us, I went in based on how DD was doing.  I first tried to only go in a minute at most and then leave, but she just got so worked up as the intervals got longer, I think that is part of where we failed at Ferber with here.  I found it worked better for us to go in and stay a couple minutes and soothe so she knew we were not gone and she could calm down some, and then only stay out a couple minutes so she didn't get too worked up.  We saw a huge difference by night 3, and it took between 7-10 nights for it to take full effect.

ETA:  With all of DD's sleep problems, the biggest thing I learned was not to go straight by the book, but to listen to DD's cues and decide myself if we needed to go in more or less based on how she was doing and how she responded.  The first couple nights are the roughest, but when it didn't get better from there I knew something needed to change and that's where we tweaked what we were doing.

trickeytricky

We read the book, 'Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' and followed the rules pretty closely. We had a waker up + a night time feeder, which the book describes how to go about handling. Basically we followed the minute/day chart provided in the book. After 3 days we noticed a difference, and I'd say before the week was through we had accomplished what we needed to.

Then we went on vacation and fell off the wagon and Ferber didn't work the next time around.

I honestly think it comes down to the kid is going to do what they are going to do in their own time.

sistrkate

I tried not to stay very long when soothing, and quickly learned that DH needed to be the one to go in and calm him down.  When I went in, things went south FAST.

Our first two nights were truly like something straight out of hell.  The second night was actually worse than the first night.  But something clicked by day 3, and we had far less soothing to do.  By night 4, he was STTN.  We have not looked back, even during periods of illness and teething.  It was a godsend.

I will say that had it taken us longer than a week, I would have given it up for a few weeks before I tried again.  Fortunately, we didn't end up having to do that.

JenRose05

Thank you girls! Another question...He has issues waking up like 30-45 minutes after I put him down and when he sleeps in the beginning he goes until 11:30 or midnight and then starts waking up every 2 hours. Its routine and has been that way for months... Would I have to ferber at EVERY waking or can I gradually work my way up in to the night nursing? Would that just completely throw everything off?

sistrkate

JenRose05:

Thank you girls! Another question...He has issues waking up like 30-45 minutes after I put him down and when he sleeps in the beginning he goes until 11:30 or midnight and then starts waking up every 2 hours. Its routine and has been that way for months... Would I have to ferber at EVERY waking or can I gradually work my way up in to the night nursing? Would that just completely throw everything off?

Tyler did something similar.  I think waking after 30-45 minutes is the end of his first sleep cycle.  We had a hard time getting past that one, but once we did, he ended up STTN.  I think you might find that he will sleep all night once he really gets it.  The whole point of Ferber is learning to self-soothe and put himself back to sleep.  Right now, he needs you to do that.  Once, through Ferber, he learns to do that, I think you will find he is waking up far less often, if at all.

JenRose05

interesting and thank you! I'll confess, I haven't read the book, I'm going by a simplified schedule that I found. I know that isn't ideal but IMO I just wanted a structured way to do it instead of straight up CIO. Is it VERY bad not to read the book?

 

sistrkate

JenRose05:

interesting and thank you! I'll confess, I haven't read the book, I'm going by a simplified schedule that I found. I know that isn't ideal but IMO I just wanted a structured way to do it instead of straight up CIO. Is it VERY bad not to read the book?

 

I didn't read the book before we sleep trained Justin.  I had a harder time making myself do Ferber with Tyler, so I read the necessary parts.  I haven't read it cover to cover.  And honestly, I really liked Jene's approach to it that she blogged about.  You should check her blog if you haven't.  They modified the time schedule and the fact that someone else did it helped me give myself permission to modify the way we needed. 

JenRose05

awesome... Im heading over there now.

JenRose05

Ok I read up! It helped to see a "real life" experience played out ( I'm going to blog it as well since it was so helpful! ) Jene' if you are around, I saw that you gave C a bottle in the middle of the night I think the first or/and second night during a waking...did you do that the following nights or did your comforting/soothing process only include soothing ?

sistrkate

I think she swears off the bump on weekends.  ping her on FB.