what do you call your LO's birth mom to other people?

MayDayGirl

I refer to J as Aida's mom.  I feel 100% her mom and J hasn't treated me like anything other than Aida's mom from literally the second she was born (congratulating us on our new daughter 5 seconds after she pushed her out).  But we have such an amazing connection with J and we talk frequently and are going to hang out with her next week, it would be weird for me to call her the "birth mom".  It sounds so informal.  But I wonder if it will be confusing or weird for Aida or others growing up if I keep referring to her as her mom.

Thoughts?

GLynn2009

I call DD's BM, DD's Mom to people who know she is adopted. I do not usually take about DD's BM to others.

hersheykiss

As a BM, my best advice is to ask J what she would like or what she would be comfortable being called. Since you have an open relationship with J, I would discuss it with her. If K's parents and I met up, I would be fine with just being called by my name or K's BM. That is what I am. I am not K's mommy or momma. So just ask J.

wille2b

i usually still just say Ty's mom... i am starting to say birthmom now just so i am in the habit when he is a little older and hears what im saying. i dont want him to be confused.. we have that same great relationship with our bm and so far this works

MamaB2009

P's mom or P's birthmom...depends on who I'm talking to.  T prefers birthmom and always chastizes me when I say mom in front of her.

kmkaull2

I asked Q's birth mom how she wanted us to refer to her and what she'd like Q to call her.  She said by her first name.  We're all most comfortable with this. 

Jermysgirl

I have never once referred to DD's b-mom as her mom.  I'm her mom.  I call her either "DD's birthmom" or by her name.  I feel that the terms Mom and Dad are reserved for the people doing the parenting.

Both of her bio grandmothers are called Grandma though.

come*on*baby

DC's birthmother or by their name. I'm their mom

PrincessShay80

I call her by her first name, the only people that I would be discussing that with know our situation and know the birthmom's name. I  never call her mom- I'm the mom.

FinallyMrs.G

Jermysgirl:

I have never once referred to DD's b-mom as her mom.  I'm her mom.  I call her either "DD's birthmom" or by her name.  I feel that the terms Mom and Dad are reserved for the people doing the parenting.

This!

Art Teacher

We call dd's birthmom by her first name or we'll say "dd's birthmom." 

Jenn is Silly

We refer to her by her name most of the time or as "DD Birthmom".  We had a very close relationship with her prior to the birth, and she made it clear she was not her mom nor did she want to be referred to as such. 

HannaB

I do say "his mom" or her first name for people who know her name. When we talk to him about her, we use her first name.

soon2Bkranz

I understand and struggled in a similar way in the beginning...but as JLK grew it did become birthmom...And now I do not talk about it in front of her...Mommy gut is telling me that she doesnt want me talking about her personal life story...

So I think for now go with what works for you...and if it changes as she grows allow that for both of you also

Oh and JLKs birthmom would NOT have liked to hear me say mom...she only wanted to be know as Melody

AuburnBride06

I have never & would never refer to DS's BM as mom. I'm his mom. We just call her by her first name (very open adoption & we have frequent contact) and that's what we will do in the future as well. That's what DS will call her. If I'm talking to someone and it's necessary to explain her role, then I will say "his BM", but nothing more than that. I'm the only one being a mom to him.

babywisher

Jermysgirl:

I have never once referred to DD's b-mom as her mom.  I'm her mom.  I call her either "DD's birthmom" or by her name.  I feel that the terms Mom and Dad are reserved for the people doing the parenting.

This! When my sister asks me something about her we refer to her as A.

katiej23

Wow!  I'm surprised at the passion in these messages.  We have called her by her first name, call her ds's birth mom or first mom, and I have referred to her as his 'mom'.  In my mind - she is - we both are. 

 Like you, though, we have a close relationship with her and I think that makes a difference.

Jermysgirl

katiej23:

...we have a close relationship with her and I think that makes a difference.

I don't think so.  We have an amazingly close relationship with DD's birthdad and we love him like family.  But he's not her dad.  He's not raising her, he's not putting her to bed at night, he's not cleaning up blowout rotavirus poop diapers, he's not wiping her tears or teaching her to ride her trike or cooking her dinner or reading her books or teaching her the ABCs or singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star 30,000 times, or the myriad other things that come with parenthood.  DH is her daddy.  Her birthdad is half of who made that possible.

I have an absent father who left us before I was born and whom I have met twice in 36 years.  Biology is what makes someone a father.  The rest of life is what makes someone a Dad.