Don't want my in laws to babysit

caren5980

My husband wants his parents to watch our kid while we are at work. His mom does not work. His father views women to be the household slaves and to be seen not heard. My husband is not like his father otherwise would not have married him. But I see how being raised in a house like that has affected him. I don't want my child whether it is a girl or boy to be in an environment like that. The girl will have self-esteem issues and i don't ever want my boy to think it is ok to view women that way. My husband does not want a day care. I work 7am to 6pm and that is way too much exposure (to the in laws) for any child to deal with. My mother in law does everything for her two 30 something sons which is almost ridiculous. Think everybody loves raymond and that is my in laws. I don't want to raise my kids not being able to do things for themselves or think like my father in law. Before pregnancy my husband was a little more open-minded to child care! 

madhatter2003

Why doesn't he want daycare?  Would he be open to a nanny or an in-home daycare?

 

caren5980

Because he is cheap and does not want to spend the money.... But it will be well worth it to save our children the years of therapy! I am just angry and hormonal right now!

Future R. Murray!!

Maybe you could compromise and have the IL watch the baby two days a week?? It would be a huge help with finances and not over exposure.

 

I completely understand. My FIL sits on the couch all day and MIL waits on him hand and foot...then when others are around she makes it seem like he is just lazy...

kgt103

Maybe if he won't budge on the subject your MIL could come to your house without your FIL so at least baby won't be getting his attitude?

Conniebird

I can understand some peoples hesitant attitude when it comes to daycare. And honestly that is their choice. Have you talked to your H yet about how you feel about your kid being watched in his moms house?

Have you looked into any in-home daycares?

juepnunes

Use your in-laws sitting services for the first 2 years of baby's life, while he/she is still too young to understand what's going on around. Then I would move it to a daycare, that way you can save some money in the beginning at least, make your hubby happy and avoid fights.

domesticatedhuman

kgt103:

Maybe if he won't budge on the subject your MIL could come to your house without your FIL so at least baby won't be getting his attitude?

 This!  Try and use the, "it would be so much more convenient because everything the baby needs is already right here.  I don't want to have to get duplicates of everything..." If he really is cheap, he might not want to have to buy two of everything either.  Good luck either way, sounds like a tough position to be in.

caren5980

juepnunes:

Use your in-laws sitting services for the first 2 years of baby's life, while he/she is still too young to understand what's going on around. Then I would move it to a daycare, that way you can save some money in the beginning at least, make your hubby happy and avoid fights.

 

LOL! Or young enough to repress the memories!

caren5980

kgt103:

Maybe if he won't budge on the subject your MIL could come to your house without your FIL so at least baby won't be getting his attitude?

 

Here is the kicker.... FIL does not let MIL drive! She has not had a license in the 37 years they were married. Sadly, how they met.... She was driving and he pulled her over. Stockholm syndrome ever since!  

rubyjem00

I am kind of in the same boat. I refuse to let my MIL babysit at her house because her house is filthy, disgusting, and frankly, not all that safe for adults. My DH knows this and so our compromise is that if MIL wants to babysit (because we obviously want her to have a relationship with her grandchild) she will have to  come to our house to do it. I think that's a fair compromise in your situation too.

domesticatedhuman

caren5980:

kgt103:

Maybe if he won't budge on the subject your MIL could come to your house without your FIL so at least baby won't be getting his attitude?

 

Here is the kicker.... FIL does not let MIL drive! She has not had a license in the 37 years they were married. Sadly, how they met.... She was driving and he pulled her over. Stockholm syndrome ever since!  

 Maybe one of you could pick her up, and the other one drop her off at the end of the day?  It's still easier than lugging the baby and all the gear around, unless you live very far apart (which could also be a great excuse for not feeling comfortable with them babysitting!)

TwinCitiesGirl

juepnunes:

Use your in-laws sitting services for the first 2 years of baby's life, while he/she is still too young to understand what's going on around. Then I would move it to a daycare, that way you can save some money in the beginning at least, make your hubby happy and avoid fights.

This is what I was going to suggest as well. 

TwinCitiesGirl

juepnunes:

Use your in-laws sitting services for the first 2 years of baby's life, while he/she is still too young to understand what's going on around. Then I would move it to a daycare, that way you can save some money in the beginning at least, make your hubby happy and avoid fights.

This is what I was going to suggest as well. 

FuFey

rubyjem00:

I am kind of in the same boat. I refuse to let my MIL babysit at her house because her house is filthy, disgusting, and frankly, not all that safe for adults. My DH knows this and so our compromise is that if MIL wants to babysit (because we obviously want her to have a relationship with her grandchild) she will have to  come to our house to do it. I think that's a fair compromise in your situation too.

Ruby, did you marry my BIL? Because my MIL's house is just as disgusting. I won't even use the bathroom there! We are lucky - my inlaws live almost a hundred miles away, so babysitting is NOT an option! DH both agree that our kid will not be left alone at that house when we come to visit, nor will it crawl on the floors, eat any of the food, etc. Yuck.

 OP ~ do you both work M-F, where you'd need care all 5 days? DH and I have different days off (he the weekend, me during the week) so we'll only need care 3 days a week, which really changes things. Have you asked around to your neighbors or church friends? They may know of home day cares that are resonably priced or be willing to watch the LO if its only for a couple days a week, not 5. Best wishes!