Number of kids and siblings

WinesNotWhines

Did you always know you wanted to have a certain number of kids, or did you make the decision to have #2, 3, etc. some time after the first one(s) arrived? What factors played into your decision? Is anyone "one and done"?

doggylovr

we only have 1 now but we know we want at least one more.  We have a boy, if when we go to have another, and have a girl, most likely we will stop (thought won't be ready for any perm birth control) if we have another boy, we will try for a third.  We will not have more than 3 though.  I am ready to start TTC now for number 2, to make them just over 2 years apart but DH is not ready yet....so hopefully soon, he will get on my page:-) I SAH so that is one factor to allow us to have more also.

suecadence

I think when I was younger I wanted like three or four. Now I think I want two, but I could also probably be convinced to be "one and done." I'm like 60-40 right now in favor of having a second. But if this is it for us, I am truly okay with it because I think my DS is perfection and I feel lucky as heck to have him. If this is the size our family is meant to be, I'm good with it.

What tips the balance for me to wanting a second is the joy and companionship a sibling can bring. I'd like my son (and any future kid) to have that.

kastle

I always knew I'd have at least 2 kids.  I was an only child & hated it (and hate it more now being faced with being the only one to care for aging parents).  I know there is always drama at the mention of only children, but more me this is more along the lines of, say, wanting to pay for your kid's college b/c your parents didn't pay for yours...giving your kids what you didn't have.  Sprout may be best buds with his unconcieved siblings or maybe they'll hate each other's guts...I just want to give him the opportunity to have a sibling. 

However, I expected that I'd *only* want 2.  But with all the fun we're having, now I'm thinking I'd love at least 3, but financially that's just not going to happen (unless we have twins when ttc #2 & we'll just have to make that work!).

Thankfully, the hubz feels the same way.

Sofka

when I was young(er and naive), I was in the "at least 2 but not more than 3" camp, if I had 2 of same gender, I'd go for #3 but if 3rd was same gender, I'd just stop. But I didn't get married til 32 and didn't have #1 til 34.5. And damn she was a hard baby. It wasn't until she was 7mo old that I started even considering having another one. But I knew by then I would never have more than 2. I did not enjoy pregnancies, I don't like the newborn stage, I never want to do it again. I am one of 2 and so is DH and 2 is the pefect # for us. Had #2 also been a girl, I would have had to convince DH we are done b/c he really wanted a boy. Thankgod that was a bridge we did not have to cross. I got my tubes tied at my 2nd c-section.

2 hands, 2 parents, 2 kids; don't need a bigger car; and we'll (hopefully) still be able to travel and do fun stuff that costs money. I can't imagine having a 5 y.o., a 3 y.o. and a baby who still naps and having to live around the nap/nurse schedule and not being able to spend time w/ the older kids and do fun activities w/ them.

But I have to say I think anyone who has more than 2 is a total hero, I so admire you!! I don't want to be you, though:)

 

Mrs.Ram

I grew up with one sibling, so I always envisioned myself having two kids. Now that I am of "advanced maternal age" at the ripe old age of 36, it's looking more likely that I will only have two for that reason.  DH wants 3 kids; I told him when it's medically possible for him to carry the third to go for it.

MrsPhilDunphy

I am of no help because I'm on the fence about #2. A very big consideration for me is that I'm just now getting over how hard C's first year. Good lord, it was so much work. I also never had a very strong desire to have more than 1. DH, on the other hand, will be very disappointed if we don't have another. Pre-C, he was adamant that we *not* have an only child, since surviving the first year he's piped down a bit, though.

Also, although my brother and I get along well, we're not super close. And we fought like cats and dogs growing up. If my kids fight the way that he and I fought, I will seriously need meds and a padded room. That scares me. 

victoria1212

we are really happy with the one we have and considering our age and the complications I had, we are 95% sure we are only having one.

 

QueSrah

Once I decided I wanted kids, and definitely after marrying DH, I was adamant about having more than one.  (Both DH and I are only children, so if T is going to have any family once her grandparents pass, we're going to have to give her siblings.)  I thought 2 or 3 would be nice, but I'm not sure we'll get there (after having a similarly HARD first year with T as MrsPhil had with C)...one more may be my limit if #2 is as difficult as #1 was.  DH only wants two anyway.

DCtoLowcountry

Mrs.Ram:

IDH wants 3 kids; I told him when it's medically possible for him to carry the third to go for it.

Bwahaha! I've said something similar about sharing gestational duties myself.

I always said I wanted "more than one, but less than four." With DH though, we think two is the right number for us. No preference for girl or boy as long as they belong to Team Awesome.

can_can

Ha! I already spewed my drama about #2 below, but to answer, I'd always wanted to have 2 kids. I grew up with one younger sister, 2 years apart, and thought it was perfect! I keep daydreaming about having 3, but know it would NEVER play into our budget, and DH has always been a fan of just 2. I actually feel like our family isn't complete yet, and the itch to have #2 is mostly just about when, and not "if"

Mrs.Handy

I always wanted 2 kids and after Baby Handy I still want 2.

I kind of want 3, mostly because I loved being pregnant and I'm kind of sad to think I will only be pregnant one more time in my life. As far as 3 kids running around, I guess I have a hard time imagining that and it would be pretty stressful. But I love the idea of a decent sized family.

At this point, two or three wouldn't be financially feasible. But whenever I can get up to a higher GS level I think we'll start trying for the second. I would get pregnant now, if we could afford it!

Overall, I think we will stick with two but if we ever have a windfall of money then I will try to convince DH for a third.

Gigs2000

I always wanted 2 and DH was always on board with 2. 

But after having #2, I seriously wanted a third for awhile...and was surprised by the desire.  DD is such an easy, happy baby, and it made me sad I wasn't going to experience pregnancy and an infant again.

After both kids and I spent most of the winter sick with various illnesses, I was so wiped out that I am now comfortable (again) with 2 and done. 

2vthokies

We have two girls 25 months apart.  My DH desparately wants three.  Like talks about it on a daily basis.  I don't, but mainly because 1) I really, really, REALLY don't like being pregnant.  My pregnancies are hard, hard, hard and 2) it would be financially tight for us (I work).  We could make it work, but I don't really want too, if you kwim.  Also, DD #1 was a difficult baby and while DD #2 more than makes up for DD #1s first year (she is truly the best.baby.ever), I'm not sure I can handle another difficult baby.  I have agreed to consider adoption if/when the time is right.  This addresses DHs need for a third child and my desire to never be pregnant again.  We've talked about adopting a non-infant in a few years.  The age difference between DD #2 and hypothetical adopted child would be more than two years (my ideal age difference), but I'm okay with that.  I have always wanted to adopt and would have been happy adopting a second instead of having a biological one.

tomandcourt

We've always wanted three. DH was an only child, which he hated, so he's always wanted more than one. I was from a family of two, which I didn't love either - there's a lot of comparisons, and just this one person who you either get along great with or hate (sometimes both at the same time). I always wanted another sibling.

So, I think we're going with three. I could have maybe been convinced to stop with two IF we'd had a girl first (I still really want a girl).

That said, I was definitely not ready to start thinking about TTC again AT ALL until maybe 2-3 months ago.

ETA: Oh, and yeah. The other reason we haven't started TTC again yet (besides my PTSD about those first few months) is finances. If we won the lottery I think I would TTC #2 right now. And buy a new house. And pay off all my debt. And buy my own plane.

HikerBride07

Both being the 2nd born of four, DH and I both wanted 4 when we got married.  Now we're 99% sure that we're done with the two we have.  I didn't enjoy being pregnant and don't want to go through that or the newborn stage again (and we have had two easy babies).  I also can't imagine sacrificing more money to have a third in daycare and having to get two new vehicles to accommodate another carseat.  We'd rather use the money to travel and enjoy the two we've got.

JKM416

Sofka:

I can't imagine having a 5 y.o., a 3 y.o. and a baby who still naps and having to live around the nap/nurse schedule and not being able to spend time w/ the older kids and do fun activities w/ them.

This is my concern about having a third, especially if it's a difficult baby like DD was.  After going through it a bit when DS was an infant, I know my two older ones will "suffer" a little during the first year, but I'm hoping they're young enough that they won't remember it much and also will have each other for entertainment purposes when I'm preoccupied with the baby.

This is also why I seriously doubt we'll have a #4.  It'd have to wait several years because of DH's military career and when he'd be home, where we'll be stationed, etc.  The quality of life of my first three kids and me would be compromised, and I couldn't focus on their needs (new schools, fostering new friendships, joining activities), etc. as much as I'd want with a baby in the mix.  Plunging our entire family back into the "newborn stage" wouldn't be fair under those circumstances.

Plus we've always lived pretty economically, though #3 is going to require some more financial planning.  We realize now that a fourth would mean some serious sacrifices and having to say "no" to things that we can currently say "yes" to comfortably.

So to finally answer the question, DH and I always knew we wanted two, with the warning that I'd probably want a third (and originally secretly hoping for a fourth).  Obviously we've taken that step, and it wasn't hard to convince DH...he loves having both a girl and a boy, so #3 is just a "bonus" (though I think #3 would've been a no-brainer if we'd had two of the same sex first).  I'm one of two, and he's one of four, and we're both close with our siblings...so there was never a question of just having one.  The idea of a third did scare both of us a little bit, but we discussed it when DS was about a year old and agreed that neither of us felt like our family was done.  Plus with the military thing, I wanted as many kids as we felt we could handle (and afford) so they'd have each other for support (I hope) through all the lifestyle will bring.

Amy&Steve0421

We would like to have a second and soon - but I am still breastfeeding and haven't had a return to fertility yet.  I'm 36 so we know time is not on our side...

 

Sofka

Amy&Steve0421:

We would like to have a second and soon - but I am still breastfeeding and haven't had a return to fertility yet.  I'm 36 so we know time is not on our side...

 

once I stopped pumping and went to just nursing (2x a day) when DD was 11mo old, I got pregnant. It must have been my 1st ovulatory cycle b/c I never got my period. Maybe something like that will happen to you; just don't TTA!

 

membrn

I have three sisters.  My oldest has one daughter and is now divorced, my middle sister has 4 children and is still married but completely overwhelmed.

When DH and I first start dating, I would say 3 or 4 kids (what did I know then).  Since being pregnant with DS, I would say 2 or 3.  Now that DS is mobile and it's hard to keep up, and work, and everything - I have been saying we might be 1 and done.  

Ideally, DS will be 3ish when we get pregnant again and then we'll be "two and through."  I love him to death but I'm just not sure I could do this all three times around.  

SoonToBeMrsDTS

I've always wanted four. DH and I said when we got married it would be three or four. After the first two we both were in the four boat but since we lost our babies in February I'm now so sure. We are definitely going to try for a 3rd but unless by some miracle I get pregnant with twins again, that may be it. I love the baby stage and the thought of having a big family but I can't imagine the stress of two more pregnancies. At the same time there's going to be a pretty big gap since we can't even try again for awhile so we may want to try to have another one close in age to hypothetical baby #3. I guess I'm still on the fence too, not because of how many we want but because of the circumstances. 

mssaint

I always said that I wanted two. I'm an only and DH is the oldest of 3 and both of us think that two is kind of the perfect number. However, we struggled TTC #1 and then I had a high-risk pregnancy--although it was very easy until I was diagnosed with GD and PIH. I liked being pregnant until then!

 Even with that, I still thought about #2 as soon as #1 was born, but the trauma of a colicky baby has chased that idea out of my head. Sometimes when LO is screaming, we tell him that he has condemned himself to being an only child.

Because I'm 38 now (just had a birthday - wah!) and would really like to be done having kids by 40, we need to make up our minds fairly soon. DH is adamant that we're one and done, I can be swayed. 

The other issue is that I saved up leave for almost 5 years to have 16 weeks paid leave. If I get knocked up again, the most leave I would have would be 8-10 paid weeks depending on timing. That's nothing to sneeze at, of course,  and it wouldn't bankrupt us for me to take unpaid leave, but I'd feel guilty about taking the additional 6-8 unpaid weeks.

Artslvr

DH is one of four, I'm one of three, so three kids was our plan, even before we dated - when DH and I were just friends we both were like "I want three kids.  You too?  How fun!"  Little did we know then that we would be having kids together.

I realize we are really lucky to have a plan for three kids, and nature was on our side to have three kids.  I actually cry sometimes because I feel so so fortunate.

If I had more money, I would totally have a fourth.  But we are 99% sure we're done and done.  The IUD is going in next week!

And PS, one revelation I've had about having more than one kid, is, at least in our family, the older one(s) don't get pushed aside with all the attention on the baby.  It's the complete opposite for us.  We have to be careful not to pay too much attention to DD #1 because she can so easily demand our attention (she walks and talks and tells us amusing stories).  When my DS cries, we usually are finishing up doing something with/for one or both of his older sisters, so he has to wait.  It was the same when we just had the two girls and DD#2 was a baby.  It's sort of fascinating, because I so thought the older kids would "suffer" with all the attention on the baby.  But even with a UBER colicky baby in the house, we didn't find that was the case at all - and since the colic is (knock on wood) over, DS is the one I think who gets the shaft sometimes.

 

special382

we have always said we wanted 4.  We plan on ttc late this summer

kafunder

We always wanted at least two, since DH and I are only children. I hated being an only child, and always wanted a twin sister as a kid. Nature is a mad scientist, and we ended up with twins. I've heard once you have twins, adding more children isn't as hard as that first year with twins, so I think DH and I will end up having at least one more if not two more kids.

tracy042206

I always wanted 2.  I have never stated anything different.  then after we had one DH kept mentioning 3 and while I thought he was crazy and told him so (we would be outnumbered!), we kept the options open. 

When I was pg with #2 I knew it was going to be my last.  I was so sick all the time it was miserable.  I was very nauseous and puked a little with Maggie but my second pg was ten times that and I knew I couldn't put my body, my psyche and also my family through that again.  DH wanted to leave it open for a 3rd so I didn't get my tubes tied during my repeat C-section.  However after #2 arrived he was also adament we stay at 2 kids.

Basically the newborn stage is just hard for us.  I know some people get through it with ease and some babies STTN at 6 weeks and are on these awesome things called schedules before they 4mo or they are babies that can be put down and still sleep without holding them for hours, but ours are not those babies.  Ours have reflux and need every technique in the HBOTB books to help calm them down.  Ours want to be held while they sleep during the day and require a lot of rocking, soothing techniques and then careful palcement in the crib and tiptoeing away to sleep on their own.  The not STTN until 6mo meant if I got towkr 30min early one day I would nap in my car until I had to go in.  So overall we are just happy to not go through that stage again, plus financially we are better off with just 2.

It is a tough decision.

Hey Jellisy

I'm one of 4 and always wanted a large family.  DH is an only child and wanted siblings and was on board with more children.  We talked about ti while we were dating and continue to talk about it, but we think a minimum of 3 is where are hearts are at.

NowDNAtoo

Growing up I always said I wanted 3.  Having gotten married later and dealing with IF has probably changed this.  We are very blessed to have our two wonderful kids and to experience having both a boy and a girl.  With that being said, there is still part of me that would love to have a 3rd.  M was such an easy baby and is turning 1, so I'm really missing all of the babyness.  I also miss being pg (I actually loved it).

zeptattoo

We knew we were one and done before TTC.  DH is one of 3 and I am one of 2.  Both of us are the oldest and, with the exception of SIL, our siblings have been PITAs their whole lives.  As always, finances are also a consideration in this area, and I was high-risk.  So, those three factors do it for us.

rnin02

We are "one and done". Honestly we didn't mean to have a baby at all but I messed up NFP so here we are:) We love DS, and at one time I might have had a second (DH never felt that way) but now that he is pushing 3 years old, he is getting to be quite a handful, and I don't think I could handle 2 little ones at the same time. Now I know why my brother and I are 9 years apart:)

Heather6907

I always thought 2 was the perfect number; DH is happy with 2, though would have been happy if I wanted a couple more too.  For us, we like that we are not outnumbered and can easily each handle both alone.  I really did not like the early sleep-deprivation months, so I am glad we will not be doing that again. 

Sofka

rnin02:

We are "one and done". Honestly we didn't mean to have a baby at all but I messed up NFP so here we are:) We love DS, and at one time I might have had a second (DH never felt that way) but now that he is pushing 3 years old, he is getting to be quite a handful, and I don't think I could handle 2 little ones at the same time. Now I know why my brother and I are 9 years apart:)

what's NFP?