Finally called the doctor, looking for support here.

MarSamWhitney

Hi Everyone,

I think everything is finally hitting me, now that I do not have something to focus on.  After being on bedrest at 28 weeks, and giving birth at 35 weeks, everything was going fine. W was born a healthy 5 pounder, and although I had lack of sleep, I was doing ok.   Then on Valentines Day, 6 weeks PP, i started to hemmorage blood, and was rushed by ambulance to the hospital for a D&C, in which they found retained placenta.  I have never seen that much blood in my life.  I fainted twice, and received a blood transfusion.  This week my horrmones are all over the place, and I am on my period for the first time since Valentines day.  I dont know if it is seeing the blood, or what. It has sent me into a weepy tailspin.  DD has been exceptionally fussy this week as well, adding to a bit of my anxiety.  I think that I am tired from not sleeping, and this is making me feel weak. Of course I keep thinking I am going to pass out, which i am sure it is just exhaustion.  I go to have my blood drawn next week, to check for HIV, heppatitis, etc..

I feel panicked for some reason.  Possibly my horromones are just all over the place due to only being 4 mos ppd? The nurse I made the appointment with, told me to reach out to my mom, or husband.  I did again, and they always say the same thing "Count your blessings!"  I know this, I know W is healthy, and for that I am eternally grateful that she was not born at 28 weeks. So why do I still feel crazy a little bit?  Why am I panicked to get HIV? Or to have sex, because that could get me pregnant, and I can not go through that again right now?

 

Its so irrational......... and i wish it would stop.

 

Not sure the point of this post, I guess I just wanted to say everything that I dont bother to say to anyone in person, because they will just dismiss it.

 

JuliaL20

I am not in the exact same situation but I can say I understand how you feel.  Whenever I say anything is bothering me, DH immediately dismisses it and doesn't seem to think it's anything to worry about.

I worry all the time.  I think the hormones are a big part of it.  So nothing I can really do to help you, but just to let you know that worrying is shared by me and I hope you get some relief soon.

smj2301

I hope your appointment goes well and that you get the support you need from your doctor.

I think it's hard to reach out to our husbands and parents sometimes because they want so badly to "fix" us and that's not possible in this case.  My H used to get really frustrated, sometimes he even seemed angry at me, when he couldn't make my PPD go away by telling me everything was fine and to stop being sad and worrying all the time.  He just didn't want to believe that I was hurting and there was nothing he could do about it.

Hugs to you and, again, I hope you get what you need from your doctor.

MarSamWhitney

Thank you so much for the support. It means the world to me.

smj2301

StephnMatt101008:

Thank you so much for the support. It means the world to me.

Let us know how your appointment goes.  ((Hugs))

MicahAnn2009

I am a lurker but I wanted to say your little girl is beautiful! And I'm sorry real life people aren't taking your feelings seriously.

Life&Gwen

Strong of you to reach out, even that takes it out of a person going through a hard time.  Blessings can be counted, but they don't have a hard time less hard, they just bless you through that hard time.  

 Buy a box of condoms if you're concerned about pregnancy; you don't even have to be having sex, but they might bring peace of mind that if you wanted to have sex, and aren't ready to be back on BC or charting, etc, that you have that option available to you.  Either way, it would bring peace of mind just having them in the drawer near the bed even if they never get used.  

Mostly---nothing will make you feel better like seeing the negative results on your blood labs; and it's "normal" to be concerned if you receive a blood transfusion, because it's not your blood. Even though most people who donate (like me, O- ) routinely have our blood tested for these STIs like these, it's just normal to feel a little invaded because there's something in you that's not you.  But normal blood life span is 180 days, so 6 months from your transfusion, you will not have a single red blood cell left from that donor.  (and since slinging around words like normal can hurt sometimes, for sake of info, I just mean it in this post as normal = more than half of the population experiences similar interactions/symptoms/circumstances) 

MarSamWhitney

Thank you for the advice.  You are very right, i'm sure everything will be ok.  I just get so frustrated with my up and down horrmones, and the anxiety.  I go today to talk with a therapist, and I am really looking forward to it. I think it will be nice to talk to an unbiased person.  Kind of like its heartwarming to see perfect strangers rooting me on in this post.  What happened to me was not horrible, and people go through a lot worse, I have to remember that. It did totally suck though, and I need to let it go.