How do you explain a stroke? T&Ps please!

DandelionMom

FIL had a stroke last night, late.  DH drove out right away, but we just don't have many details yet. 

I'm going to tell the kids after school, and I just can't think of what to say.  I think they're probably old enough to understand a lot (10,7,4).  I'm afraid they equate hospitals with death too much since they've lost 4 great-grandparents after lengthy hospital stays.  

DandRAgain

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

I think sometimes the worst part of sad situations anymore is worrying about how our kids will handle it. 

I think they are old enough that you can be honest and explain it simply but accurately.  Answer their questions. 

How far away is FIL?  Will you be able to visit him soon so they can see how he's doing?  How long will he be in the hospital for?

This will be a good thing so they don't equate hospitals with death ALL the time. (if there is a silver lining to the situation...which obviously its not really a silver lining...)

 

KrisBriMcBunny

first of all (((((HUGS)))))

Strokes are kinda har d to explain without scaring them because it is the brain.  I would try to keep it short & simple.  Just say grandpa's brain is hurting & he's in the hospital to make it better.  Or something along those lines.  I'm sure there are other nesties that have something better. 

RoxyLynn

I'm sorry to hear that your family is going through this.

In kid terms - a stroke is an injury to the brain.  Since the brain controls everything the body does, we have to wait and see how his brain and body heal.  A lot of people who have a stroke come home and learn to do some things differently, like walking and eating.

 Does that help?

Yodajo

(((hugs)))

I think just keeping it simple, without too much detail is best.  Maybe just that FIL didn't have enough blood flow to his brain and now he is in the hospital to help him get better.  I don't have older kids, so I don't know if that is to basic for them though. 

I will be thinking of you guys.  I hope your FIL recovers completely!

Mominator

I have no advice, but wanted to offer you lots of {{{{hugs}}}} I haven't had to deal with anything like this yet, as the only relative that has passed away recently was when DD was just a baby. I'm dreading the day because I think kids are just so much more aware of things than we ever give them credit for. Good luck and I'll be praying for your family.

4Speedy

I'm am so sorry about your FIL.  We have had lots of experience with aging/ill grandparents in our family, almost continuously since my 5 yo was born.  I have found that being open and honest about the situation works best, but don't overwhelm the kids with to many facts.  Keep the information very basic.  I think Roxy stated it perfectly.

We've never gone out of our way to shield our kids from the "cycle of life" (to quote the Lion King) but we are gentle in the way we present it.  If DH and I have to go to the funeral home (we're older so many of our friend's parents are starting to pass), we tell our kids where we are going--we don't hide it.  We also talk pretty openly about our own parents and their numerous hospital stays--we always give them the basics and let them know the doctors are working hard to make grandma/grandpa better.  I think being open about illness and/or death makes it less scary for kids.  Of course it is still sad for them but they are less fearful.  I find, with my DD at least, when we try to shelter her from certain situations, she is bright enough to know something serious is going on and she tends to imagine far worse and it stresses her out.

I hope your FIL's stroke turns out to be not too serious and that he has a speedy and complete recovery.

KoriBrett

My dad had a few.  I guess it depends on what part of him isn't functioning due to the stroke, KWIM?  For my dad he was physically ok, but they all got his frontal lobe.  Which meant his communication was shot to hell.  He couldn't talk or comprehend anymore for the most part.  It was all garbled, and he'd get all ticked off b/c HE knew what he was trying to say.

Sorry.  Um.  I think if it's mostly physical I'd say something like "FIL had what's called a stroke.  His brain got confused and now part of his body needs to remember how to work, so he's in the hospital having the docs & nurses help him do that"

Or if it's communication/speech, "he had a stroke, his brain got all mixed up and made him forget how to talk so he's in the hospital for ......... "

*hugs*

joy143dh

(((hugs))) 

DandelionMom

Thanks everyone!  This is really helping.  I'm afraid I'm pretty out of sorts right now. 

ILs live about 3 hours away.  For now, the plan is to bring the girls up on Friday.  I know the girls are going to want to go up sooner (they adore FIL) but they're just getting over a stomach virus that I don't want to pass to the ILs and oldest DD has already missed too much school (lots of illness this winter). 

mathteacher

Thoughts and prayers are said.  I'm very sorry for your FIL, husband, your girls and you!  I really hope he is able to recover.

Angela814

((Hugs)) and lots of T&P

RoxyLynn:

I'm sorry to hear that your family is going through this.

In kid terms - a stroke is an injury to the brain.  Since the brain controls everything the body does, we have to wait and see how his brain and body heal.  A lot of people who have a stroke come home and learn to do some things differently, like walking and eating.

 Does that help?

I think this is a great explanation.

ghm

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't exactly remember how we explained it to my kids, but I was honest that great-grandma would be different in the way she talked, that she might not know who they are, etc. Of course, that depends on how serious his stroke was. Sending lots of prayers.

knmommy

(((hugs)))  I would just explain what it is and what it effects.  I think they are old enough to understand more.  Thoughts and  prayers to you and your family! 

REOM

I'm so sorry Dande. I hope your FIL makes a full recovery.

And I would probably wait and see what the effects are going to be before going into it with your girls.

xoxo