Awkward situation re: my BFF getting married. (Long)

Starr57

A little background.... I met my BFF when her STBXH introduced us. Both our Hs had just joined the Army and we were sort of stuck with no friends. We hit it off and became inseperable. Her H was always cheating on her and they had a horrible relationship. They left the Army about 8 months before we did and moved back to Oklahoma. They split up more than 2 years ago when she met someone else....who happens to be a woman. She and her GF have been together since and the divorce will be final very soon.

I just went to visit her for the first time in almost 2 years a couple weeks ago. I'm not a huge fan of her GF. She's very controlling and it seems like my BFF is simply afraid to be alone. It's like battered wife syndrome. No matter how bad it gets, she just won't leave. When I was there, she said that GF wanted them to get married as soon as her divorce is final. BFF said she wasn't sure because of all their problems.

Today I got a text with a pic of a white dress. I asked what that was for and she said they are doing a commitment ceremony in Key West when they go on a cruise next month.

I don't know what's changed, but I can't help but be worried about her. I don't know what to say to be supportive of her decision when I completely disagree with it. I feel like she doesn't think she can support herself and her 3 kids without someone to take care of her. I don't really want to try to talk sense into her because I know that won't help and will make me seem like an ass, but I don't think I can be excited for her either.

If you've made it through this rambling, thanks. If you've been in a similar situation or have suggestions, I would appreciate it.

audgleigh

Thats a hard one! I'd probably say something, just because I can't keep my mouth shut. I'm not sure, like you said, if it would help at all, or just make my friendship more rocky. If you could say something to your BFF without it ruining your friendship, I for sure would....maybe just make sure she is sure that she wants to be in that kind of marriage again. Idk, I'm not a tactful person IRL...I am pretty blunt, so I would just blurt something out...sorry I'm not much help. Good luck!

Jamaica_Bride

I am going to respond as if I were you, mkay?

I would talk to her. Point blank. If you and her are that close she'll understand. There is no way in all of heck, hell or haties I could keep my lips zipped.

Moving on and moving forward- you said your peace. She is an adult and need to make her own mistakes.

Good luck with this one. Let me know how it turns out.

dnagal

I would say something.  I did once...for a friend that I didn't think was in a great relationship when her boyfriend proposed.  

I told her that I felt obligated as her friend to tell her why I was concerned.  That her happiness was important to me and I wanted her to have the best partner in life.  I described what I was perceiving "from the outside" and that it concerned me.  She was grateful...took it as a sign of my friendship and loyalty to her, and....married him anyway.   

They have 3 kids now and are happy I think.  I still don't like him, but he's not the jerk I thought he was.   

MelandJeff

Jamaica_Bride:

I am going to respond as if I were you, mkay?

I would talk to her. Point blank. If you and her are that close she'll understand. There is no way in all of heck, hell or haties I could keep my lips zipped.

Moving on and moving forward- you said your peace. She is an adult and need to make her own mistakes.

Good luck with this one. Let me know how it turns out.

I agree with Bewbie Hoobie, here. I wouldnt be able to keep my trap shut. I remember when she met the GF- I didnt realize the GF was a biznitch!

Starr57

MelandJeff:

I remember when she met the GF- I didnt realize the GF was a biznitch!

Yeah, I was really hoping she would be good for her. The first time I went to visit after they got together, she was A LOT like STBXH. They had the same fights, etc. Weird. Now she's just SO controlling. As in BFF can't come see me without her, gets sh!t for spending her own money, etc. It's just unbearable how much I do. not. like. her.