I need advice. Babies born within a year of each other.

plumerialost

I got a big surprise last week...a BFP and my DD#2 is only 4 months old! DD# is 3 going on 4. I thought we were done having kids. My last delievery I had major bleeding due to cervical tearing. That freaked myDH out. Well, we've been pretty careful since he was going to get fixed, but we got a short notice deployment and he's gone. I just told him yesterday that we are pregnant again. I don't know if I can do this. Having 2 babies within a year!?!? I feel bad enough that I'm not as available as I was to DD#1, I have no idea how she will handle another baby.  Who's been in this postion?  How did you do it? TIA

l_elizabeth

You can do it! Everything happens for a reason, and while the timing might not of been ideal, I guarantee you will find a place in your family for your new addition. And you can't worry about how it will effect your older children-- they will adjust, and I don't think anyone would wish away any of their siblings once they're a bit older! I imagine they'll be the best of friends soon enough. I think plenty of people have gone through the same "surprise" pregnancy, and like I've heard a lot lately, you just get through it. If you look at either of your other children, would you trade them for anything in the world? 

My mother-in-law has two children, and told me her biggest regret in life was not having more. She said it would have been hard at the time, but it's really only hard for a year or two before it gets fun. 

 As for a scary delivery last time, discuss it with your doctor early, so you can calm your fears and have a plan. Perhaps you can have a c-section (planned) this time? 

Hang in there, it is a scary thing I'm sure, but you can do it! We aren't given more than we can handle, right? 

sweetpea2003

First, Congratulations!

My son was a surprise pregnancy (DD was IVF so we really didn't think we would get pregnant without assistance).  My husband is also military. 

Thankfully, you time to get used to the idea, plan for it, and come to terms with it.  For us, we were just plain thankful and ecstatic because of how hard we had to work to get DD.  But I can imagine that if I got pregnant again with a young baby, I would have a much more panicked reaction.  Especially with a deployment. 

Hang in there!  Let everything sink in.  It will work out!  Having babies close in age has actually been a lot better than I expected.  People have very strong opinions and stories about Irish twins or 2u2, but you create your own destiny.  I have found that a can-do attitude and a good sense of humor goes a LONG way. 

I'm willing to bet that once all is said and done that you will look back and not be able to imagine it any other way .

sweetpea2003

As for your older daughter and being available... I always try to keep two things in mind:

1.  Having a sibling is good for my older child because she learns patience, sharing, and that the world doesn't revolve around her.  Sometimes she has to wait.  This has been a good lesson for her IMO and she has adjusted very very well.  The first month was hard, but since then she truly understands that when I am nursing her brother I cannot jump up and get her a snack or a fix a toy.  Sometimes her brother gets something first. 

2.  Siblings are an amazing gift.  As they get older, they will appreciate having a play buddy and as they age they will love the companionship.  It is hard now because your baby is still only 4 months so you havne't seen your older and younger children truly bond and play.  But they will.  And it will be beautiful.  These are lifelong partners for your older DD.  And it is only temporary that your older daughter will wish she was an "only" and had all of your time/attention.  Eventually it isn't "cool" for mommy to be the playmate - it is much better to have siblings to run around with .

I told myself those things over and over when I got my BFP when my DD was 7 months old.  So far, I don't think my DD is damaged at all.  She learns a TON watching her brother, watching my interactions with her brother, and having to share in the attention.  She is still the apple of our eye (and she knows it!) but she now has a brother to show things to, talk to, etc.  She loves him very much, kisses him, and as he is starting to be more interactive is much more excited about having him around.

mrse1107

hello and congrats!!

my DS was born Oct 08 ... DD (SURPRISE!!) was born Nov 09 so they're 13 mos apart!

There are hard times for sure, but, you can do it! The good times melt the hard  times away. don't worry.... You can do this!

and like sweetpea2003 above me said::  Having babies close in age has actually been a lot better than I expected.  People have very strong opinions and stories about Irish twins or 2u2, but you create your own destiny.  I have found that a can-do attitude and a good sense of humor goes a LONG way. 

Nani0710

My daughter was born 7/12/10 and i am due 6/29/11 yep not even a yr apart. I had a placenta issue (wouldn't come out at all) talk about pain took over an hr to deliver it. Am I scared, yes I am. But I know that women try so hard to conceive and I cherish and value this pregnancy because although it happened too quickly it was meant to be.

firsttogo

My first two were 19 months apart, and my next two were 10 months apart. It is so hard, but you really can do this. I promise. You can. I am not sure if you live on base, or if you have family around, but those first few months are going to be tough. Take any and all offers of help. Get your diapers delivered from amazon, and any other household products you can! Do whatever you can to make your life simpler, and grocery cart more empty!

Good luck, and hang in there!

 

roundtheworldgirl

Mine are 12 months and 18 days apart.  A lot of things about it have been very difficult.  I had a tough pg with DD2, and DD1 didn't STTN until well into my second tri.  So I was miserable during my pregnancy - it actually was a relief when DD2 was born, comparatively.  But DD2 is 6.5 months now, and it's getting better and better each day.  I was freaked out, just like you are, when I found out I was pg the second time.  But I love how close they are in age and I wouldn't change a thing. 

katie052409

You can do it!  Babies are a blessing!  I don't have experience yet but mine will be 11 months apart and I cannot wait!!! Good luck!

kcisthebombdotcom

Congrats and welcome!

My 2 were born a little over a year apart (12 months and 22 days, to be exact). It has been an absolutely wonderful experience. I much preferred pregnancy with a newborn than with a toddler-you get to rest a lot. When the 2nd baby came, I was still in baby mode, so the adjustment was really easy. My oldest was too young to care and just starting to walk so he would rather explore the house than sit in my lap so he didnt care that the baby was getting attention. I really havent found any downfalls of having them close yet, except that it was difficult getting into a routine to get both of them out of the house to run errands, but I'm sure that's true of just about any age gap.

There are a lot of things you can do to make life easier: prep meals/clothes while the kids are sleeping, wear the baby in a carrier so your hands are free to play with the baby, babyproof a lot before #2 comes so your oldest can roam around safely, get some special toys for your oldest to play with so he's distracted in those first few weeks home, etc.

plumerialost

Thank you guys so much. I know it's a blessing, it's just not what we had planned....but I should know better.     So I guess I'll take this in, let it settle, then move forward.   I guess I'll be on this board a lot more often.    Again, thank  you for putting my mind at ease.

JBullock10

Lol you can do it!! My daughter and the new baby have the same exact due date!! exactly one year apart (depending on when he/she decides to come) it'll be challenging but remember the good things always are cuz if we didnt have to work for it we would take advantage lol