multi-generational home ?

2H2L

Did you grow up in one? Live in one now? Would you mind sharing your thoughts/experiences?

 

We've discussed it before, but after this past week (there's a rant against the system for another day) we're in more serious discussions about asking my grandparents to come live with us.  Long story, but they're 5 hours away, alone now, and not in great health. I'm not sure how they would feel about moving, but before I even formally ask, J and I need to discuss it and think about it from all angles. So, any first-hand experience I should consider?

MC+KK

My grandad lived with us from when I was 14 to 19 and I loved it. He and I got really close and I saw my mom is a whole different way. I Learned how amazingly caring and selfless my mom is and it brought she and I closer because I helped her alit while he lived with us. It's a big descision. Good luck, I think you are pretty strong for even starting to think about it.

angelaggie

We didn't but my cousins had her grandmother living with them.  It was hard.  This may be way different than your situation, but her grandmother had alzheimers.  They basically had to go back child proofing the home.  Someone had to be with her at all times (had to get a nurse) and someone had to take off work to take her to the doctor.  Alzheimers is scary though.

If they don't have a disease where someone has to be with them, just things to think about....Can they drive themselves to doctor's appointments?  If not are you or your DH able/willing to take off work and take them.  They may need a nurse to come help them & you at some point, they're only getting older.  Are you willing to go through that expense.  If not, are you able to handle those kinds of needs.

I'm often told living with a non-healthy elderly person is like adding a small child to the mix.  But they can be horribly stubborn, frustrated, and confused. 

Another option, would something like Sun City work?  There are nurses on call at all times, it's still ok for them to live on their own there, and they would be closer.  Just an idea.

MrsMillerTime

We did (my g-ma lived with us) but I'm on my phone right now. Will write more later.

mcgee

My aunt and uncle and their kids lived with my grandmother for a while before my grandmother passed away. It worked well for them in that my aunt and uncle needed the financial benefits of having another person in the house to share costs, and eventually my grandmother needed help around the house. She also liked having her grandsons around.

They moved in with my grandmother, so she didn't have any of the issues or emotions that would come with moving in with someone else. In other words, she viewed it as having long-term houseguests, instead of seeing it as losing her independence and losing her home.

I also have friends who house-share with her parents. Both couples went in together and bought a big house with two living spaces and lots of bedrooms. My friend and her husband have two small children, and both she, her husband and her parents all work. They live on the east coast where housing is pretty expensive, and this was the best way for everyone involved to own a big house in a nice neighborhood zoned for good schools. They share a kitchen and formal dining room, but they each have their own living room. Her parents help with the kids from time to time, but they have their own lives and are not built-in babysitters. It works for them because they worked out a lot of potential issues ahead of time and talked frankly about what they all wanted out of the arrangement. They've been living together for years like this, and it works really well for their family. 

vsloderbeck

Last year our grown married daughter and her family came to live with us for good. We are four generations of 10 people living under one roof.

We've put together a website dealing with multi-generational living, how we do it, and some resources you may find helpful. You can see it at https://backhomebychoice.com

Your grandparents are blessed to have you even considering having them. You must love them very much. Statistics prove that older people do better and young people have much to learn from older people. It is a win-win situation.

 Blessings to you,

Vickie

MrsMillerTime

Gah!  Sorry....I forgot to come back to this one.

My G-ma lived with us exclusively from the time I was 2-ish until I was about 10.  After that my grandmother lived the nomad life and hopped between each of her 6 children.  She had a dedicated room at each house and would just catch a ride with whomoever was going to visit whomever (she didn't drive).  It think it was an ideal situation because she had no "real" personal belongings of her own (i.e. - furniture) and felt at home with each of her children.  She was also extremely healthy - she took daily walks - and was "able" to care for herself.  Aside from not driving or speaking English, she was pretty self-sufficient.

That being said...when she had her stroke, it all pretty much went to hell in a handbasket.  She was almost completely paralyzed on her left size and needed care 100% of the time (including her physical therapy).  Travelling around to live with each of her children was no longer a feasible option so she moved in with my uncle in Dallas full time because their house was the biggest and had a suitable bedroom/bathroom on the first floor to accommodate her.

My point - definitely consider how "able" your grandparents are and how much help/assistance (physically, financial, etc.) they are going to require from you on day 1.  Are they able to drive?  How much would they be able to provide financially?  Are there other family in the area?  Not so much for if they can help, but keep in mind that having your grandparents living in your house could possibly mean extended family being at your home visiting.  Are you okay with that?  Also consider if your house is suitable to accommodate them (I know y'all recently bought your own home & moving is likely not an option).  Is there a bedroom/bathroom on the first floor?  Do you have a lot of steps (i.e. - sunken living room)?

If it is even remotely "too much" just keep in mind that it will likely get worse as their health deteriorates.