I wish I could take a break, but feel like I can't -- anyone else?

sarahtoledo

I'm on a forced break this cycle, due to gallbladder problems/surgery.  I was really upset about it but now I wish I could take a longer break...  

I was up all night with horrible, twisted nightmares that I couldn't seem to shake, no matter how often I woke up.  They were about HSGs (which I need to do) and horrible complications with pregnancy, and miscarriage, and labor gone wrong, and the surgery I have to have in eight days.  We just paid a huge tax bill, so the budget is especially tight for a few weeks/months.  I work two and a half jobs and frankly, I'm a little tired of MH not stepping up.   

Sorry to blurt this all out here, but I wondered if other girls my age have taken a break, or have thought about it?  I feel so much pressure because of my age (I'm turning 37 next month), and we *know* we want a baby.  Very, very much.  But life is harder than usual right now and I feel like TTC is the only thing that is optional.  

I wish I could put off TTC for a few months, and maybe even put off surgery for a little bit, until I feel a little more secure -- emotionally, physically, financially.  Of course, it would be best to have surgery before getting pregnant.  I wish I could take the spring to lose a little weight and get my head on straight.  I guess T-TTC, on top of the rest of my chaotic life, has made me too messed up to TTC!  

Thank you for "listening". 

Mrs.McIrish

I'm sorry you are having a rough time.  I see a few things going on here and you are overwhelmed which is understandable.  First, I think you should have your surgery. You don't want to be doing that while PG etc.  You may need more recovery time that you anticipate so just do it now. I'm assuming you have some stomach pain if you are having gallbladder surgery so you should feel better afterwards. Just feeling better may raise your spirits on the TTC-front.

As for DH stepping up- what is he not doing?  Not contributing enough financially (ie you have 2.5 jobs, what is he doing? is he not working as much by choice or by circumstances (got laid off etc).  Is he not helping around the house?  I think you need to talk to him.  I had to talk to DH last month. He works 2nd shift and was sleeping way too late, doing nothing at home before going to work. I talked to him about him being lazy.  It wasn't fair for me to do everything.

I hear you on the nightmares. I had the strangest dream last night. I was at a party and everyone was coming up to me to say they were KU. It was awful!

My advice: do your surgery and see how fast you heal. You may get the TTC break you want just because you need time to heal. If you heal fast and still need a break, take it.  This process is a marathon, not a sprint. You don't want to burn out too early.  I will be 38 in August and I just pusted back my IVF a month or two in order to get full insurance coverage for it. Some people may not agree with the delay at 38 but you need to be in a good financial/emotional stage for this stuff. It is not for the weak!!

Hugs:-)

cmyrck

I agree with Mrs. McIrish, and I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed.  However I highly recommend having your gallbladder surgery.  Gallbladders don't like hormones or pregnancy (lots of folks develop issues during pregnancy or they get worse); my guess is trying to handle anything IF related is just going to exacerbate that issue.   I'm also a walking advertisement for not delaying it; I struggled with gallbladder issues for a couple of years and then it suddenly escalated into liver and pancreas problems.  Not to scare you, but just to emphasize - don't wait on that one.  It doesn't get better.  Also, on the other side of the surgery you will most likely feel a lot better.  I was an unusual case because of complications, but I'd been dealing with nausea and of course the pain daily.  Significant daily pain affects your mood and messes with your ability to cope.

Then, after you get better (which is probably going to be a couple of weeks at least, in all honesty), worry about the next TTC steps. It really sounds like you don't have to figure this all out at once right now.  Get through your surgery, heal, and see what things look like then.  Best of luck.

solarflare

I am sorry you are dealing with so much. My 2cents: I also think you should do the surgery so you have that cleared and off your plate. You will be in a better mind frame to TTC. AND, take a month or two off TTC if you want! Allow yourself to be in a better mental and physical state. One or 2 months off is not going to set you back, and truly might help.

I also get TTC nightmares regularly. It's horrible - I can relate. Mostly mine are around ART procedures, and forgetting to take pills, or having procedures cancelled. I really don't like how this process has affected my psychology and mental well-being. I am going to try and start meditation to help deal with this.