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I finally have accepted the fact that I have PPD.

SammyBeeRiversSammyBeeRivers
in Postpartum Depression

I have been fighting this for 7 months and finally, I can admit that I think I have PPD. My dd cries nonstop. She's allergic to dairy, has reflux, and is just an overall colicky fussy baby. Everything I do to soothe her only makes her cry harder. I am getting to the point where I can still hear her screams and cries when I try to go to sleep at night -- even though she's sound asleep; I can still hear it piercing in my ears. My dh offers very little support. He works all day, comes home, plays with dd for an hour while i make the dinner, and then heads to the gym before coming home and vegging out in front of the tv and going to sleep. On the weekends, he likes to hang out with his friends so, again; im home alone with the baby. He claims he doesnt feel comfortable being with dd by himself so, I never get any alone time. Since dd was born, i've only been out by myself twice -- once to volunteer for a few hours and the other time to attend an art event with my friends for a few hours. My DH has never taken me out for a date. He doesnt feel comfortable hiring a babysitter and we have no family nearby and my (so-called) friends are all single and too busy to help out.  

I think i've finally hit my breaking point. im tired of trying and trying with my dd only to be awarded with cries and screams. I've completely given up on this idea of being the perfect SAHM...its just not working out that way. Im ready to go back to work and pass my DD off to someone who can deal with her fusiness for hours on end.... Im just not cut out to be a good patient mom. im also tired of how my dh always giving me that 'look' when he walks in the door. and now that ive expressed to him how i feel and how i think i have ppd; he has completely stopped talking to me. 

sorry for the long rant but, now that i know i have this; what can i do to make it stop? i have to continue to ebf dd because of the milk allergy and she is allergic to formula (even nutramigen & alimentum - she projectile vomits within 5 minutes of drinking them). Can I take medication? Im about one step away from checking myself into a mental facility. I feel that bad. I love my daughter and my husband very much but i want to be ALONE. I feel like I failed and I want the cries in my head to stop. 

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Re: I finally have accepted the fact that I have PPD.

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    Dork_FishDork_Fish

    I'm only lurking tonight and I can't answer any of your questions but I wanted to offer *huge hugs* and let you know you're not a failure.

    Mom to:
    Miles (6 year old Maine C00n mix), Boots (5 year old Lab mix), Darla (4 year old GSD/Collie mix), Frankie (1.5 year old DSH mix), Peanut (15 months old - 09/11), and Bean (arriving Feb 2013).
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    caprocorniacaprocornia member

    Call your doctor tomorrow and get an appointment.  You can decide if you want to go on meds.  There are plenty that are safe while BFing.  You should also find a therapist. It might be helpful to go with your DH if he is willing.  It sounds like the two of you have some things to work out.

    Maybe check out some mom groups online.  There are a lot of groups that are specifically for SAHMs so you have an opportunity to get out of the house and talk to other people who know what it's like to stay at home all the time.  However, if you want to go back to work, you should talk to your DH.  I will tell you, I was *much* more balanced once I got back to work.  I loved being with DD, but I needed that adult interaction, and working helped me be a better mom and wife.  You are not a failure.  GL. 

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    zeke24zeke24

    That is such a coincidence that you mentioned hearing screaming and crying even when LO was sound asleep. That happened to me last night and it was very hard for me to go to sleep.

    You are not a failure in the least bit! I think that your DH should show a little more support for you. Being a SAHM is very hard at times. Try to get out by yourself, even if it's just a trip to the grocery store or something. It helps so much! Hugs to you sweetie!

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    Mamaof3JadeMamaof3Jade member
    I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I know how hard it is to admit to yourself that you are battling PPD, never mind the pain of admitting aloud to someone you love. I am right there with you. I too am a SAHM and I know how difficult it is to be alone a lot. I know you need more support than what you have, and so I think you should talk to a professional about you feelings. Are you close enough with any of your friends to discuss it with them, just for support? I know talking aloud about it, really helps me. Also, forget about what Dh is comfortable with, just get up and leave sometimes! IMO, he has no right at all to tell you that you cant go out. Just go! What is he going to do...get up and leave the baby, doubtful! Or maybe just not talk to you for a while, oh wait he already isnt!  I think the first step is to do something fun for yourself and see how you feel, then tlak to your Dh about it. But seeing a professional is very important here as well. Best of luck! Keep posting.
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    SammyBeeRiversSammyBeeRivers

    Thanks Ladies for your kind words. They really mean a lot to me and are very encouraging. I am feeling a lot better since I wrote this post. I have called a few counselors and found a PPD support group associated with my hospital that I will start going to. I hoping to resolve this without having to take meds. With regards to my DH, we have had several long discussions about this. I think we are making some headway but we definitely need a few counseling sessions as well. My mom also  offered to fly in and take care of the baby for a few days while we take some time to work on 'us'. I just never imagined that having a child would be so difficult on me and my marriage. I think I knew it would be an adjustment, but not this BIG of an adjustment...

    P.S. I scheduled a happy hour with my friends for tomorrow evening! I cant wait to get out of the house and be baby free!!!

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    Punter2009Punter2009

    I realised i had PPD by 11 months of struggling until i was in such a hole that one of my dear friends made a doctors appointment for me. I went and it was life changing.

    My partner doesnt live with me and also was very critical. so i very much understand what you are going through. 

    Going to the doctor was the first step. I started on meds and stopped breastfeeding which i was ok with because DS was 11 months. 

    I also started seeing a therapist a few weeks later. 

    The meds were awesome and so was the therapist. Iwas like a new person. I described it like being on holiday from myself. On the meds i couldnt cry and that in itself was such a relief.

    I also went back to work one day a week once i started to feel like my old self. I only stayed on the meds for 6 months and am still doing great. 

    I cant urge you enough to seek professional help. It helped things with my partner and I as well and we are expecting our next baby now. My doctor is keeping a close eye on me this time around and says there are safe meds you can take while preg or breastfeeding. 

    DS was like a new baby too once i started the meds and he was fine on the bottle. My therapist told me they certainly pick up on mums state of mind.

    Do it for your baby too :)

    Hugs to you xx

    do it :)

    now ;)

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    JCMJCM member

    I am sorry you are feeling this way.  Your husband really needs to give you a lot more support after all she is just as much his daughter as she is yours.  It's not about going out & playing with friends or coming home from woking just to have you cook his meals & then go head off to play some more at the gym!  This is his life now & he needs to realize that things not only changed for you but him as well.  I think you need to have a SERIOUS talk with him about it.  I would also mention that if he will not watch DD you WILL get a baby sitter because you really need some alone time.  Please call your OB and let him know how you are feeling & that you think you have PPD.  I did this, got an appointment the very next day, started meds that day & saw a therapist with in 3 days.  You need to find a therapist that specializes in PPD & will encourage you to attend with DD.  It did wonders for me.  

    Look in to mom's groups in your area.  You can find them on Meetup.com or Yahoo Groups.  I am part of a mom's group with babies all born in 2009 so we have that in common.  The play dates break up the day & that was really important when DD was your LO's age.  

     Why don't you look into taking a trip & going back home for a few weeks.  If you have a supportive family it really can help you get back to yourself. 

     If you truly feel you would like to go back to work I would go for it.  You can always quit again if things aren't working out.  Please don't let you husband treat you like a child or your symptoms are made up or that you are trying to guilt him in to manning up! After all you may not be in this boat if he helped out caring for his child.  He sounds extreme immature & selfish.  This is difficult time in your life & you need support.   

    Remember happy mommy = happy baby!

    Also have your DD checked for reflux.  I had to go the pedi more than once to get DD diagnosed. Come 6pm she would scream, scream & scream.  Within 2 days it got better & by a week she was a completely different baby!

    GL 

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    cheerio9cheerio9 member
    that sucks! if you didn't life in cali I would offer you some help! my husband is similar. i basically had to freak out on him to get him to do something. you need a break and your husband should be there for you! I'm lucky enough to have family close by. Maybe you can ask a family member to come by you for a while or go there for a much needed break. I told my husband if he wants to have dinner on the table and clothes washed he either better watch our kid or do it himself because I didn't sign up to be a single parent! Go to the doctor and see if she can help. just remember that your little one needs you even when you are at your breaking point. sometimes just having an adult convo can be helpful. you can pm and i'll give you my number if you need to talk to someone.
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    snoboardbabe77snoboardbabe77 member

     

    Dudette. That sucks. Period.

    Kudos to you for recognizing you had PPD - I'm sorry you had been struggling for SO long. But I'm glad you are now able to get some help  -a dr visit, a therapy group, whatever it is.

    I'm really sorry your hubby isn't more helpful or supportive -it can be a rough road!

    I hope you had a great time at your HH - step back, breathe, you're not a failure, you're trying to do what is right - being a stay at home parent is HARD. My DH is a stay at home dad....really hard.

    Take care of yourself...and you attempting to get help will help your DS in the long run...

    GL

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