- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Single Parents
Stupid stupid guy ugh
So I'm new here. I'm 18 and found out I'm pregnant... After I broke up with the dumb guy.I'm graduating high school in a couple of months and I'm in my second trimester. And super ready to start college. Anyways I'm still deciding if I should put the father's name on the birth certificate. I know I don't want him to see the child while I'm not around and I'm not even sure I want him to see the child at all considering he has been in jail several times and just recently attempted stealing and actually stole one car. He says he wants to be with me and blah blah blah (heard it all before) but I don't want to be anywhere near him and so I'm not. Any sugestions?????
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Stupid stupid guy ugh
I suggest you move over to the Single Parents Board. They will be able to help you much more than we can.
EDIT: I have no idea how I got here. I swear I was on BOTB, lol. GL OP.
"I love glitterfarts and pregnant unicorns." ~ Tim'sWifey
"Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, a natural thing, and how dare you degrade it with your yuppie wanna be rapper and his rhymes." ~ Melaneigh
"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards." Benjamin Franklin
I can totally see why you thought he was worth dating and having sex with. He sure is a stupid guy!
My suggestion -- seriously consider adoption so your kid has a fighting chance in this world. Go to college and finish college. Grow up. Meet and date a nice guy who isn't a boil on the ass of society. Get married and intentionally get pregnant with children that you are able to support. That's my suggestion. Anything less that that is just selfish and immature.
I 2nd Ziti's thoughts.
Stupid stupid girls shouldnt be having sex with stupid stupid guys. You do know that right?
That's a bit harsh. I was 18 when I got pregnant and still managed to go to college and graduate with deans honours. Just because she made a "mistake" and got pregnant doesn't make her a bad person nor will it make her a bad mother. No one knows what kind of support system she has from family or what her background is. This girl came here for advise regarding a last name, not to be belittled and told the only fighting chance her child has is to be put up for adoption.
The girl posted on a public message board that she willingly dated and got pregnant by a criminal. That doesn't say much for her decision-making abilities. That's why I suggested she consider giving the child up for adoption and concentrate on improving herself by attending college and giving herself the chance to grow up into a mature, responsible adult.
She asked for suggestions. That's my suggestion. It may not be one she wanted to hear, but it's one she definitely needs to hear.
Nothing I said violated the Knot/Nest/Bump's term of service.You aren't the Bump police; you don't get to dictate how others respond to posts.
Right, this IS a public message board and I was stating MY opinion of a comment that was made. I never claimed to be the bump police and for the most part, I don't care what is said. I guess this situation is a little close to my heart as I stated before. Despite being young and pregnant, I managed to raise a child, go to college and work. I don't want to offend anyone or make waves here. I was just simply saying that it can be done.
You're calling him a stupid guy, but you're the one who dated him and decided to have sex with him! Just thought I'd point that out. You didn't make very good decisions yourself.
You don't have to put his name on the birth certificate and prepare for him to want to be involved just enough to piss you off if you go for child support. Just saying. You will have at least 18 yrs with this guy involved in your life unless he decides to not be involved or winds up in jail again.
If you're not ready for a baby and are looking forward to college, it sounds like adoption might be a good route for you to go. Raising a baby by yourself isn't the easiest thing to do, especially if you are going to college too. Of course it can be done, but it's a lot of work and stress. You'll have a newborn AND starting college at the same time.
Criminals have a right to see their children. Car thievery in and of itself will not take (or keep) this person out of your child's life. Why you chose to reproduce with a criminal is your business; but it certainly does not make you any brighter than the father of your child.
What will keep him in your child's life, whether you want him there or not, is accepting public assistance. When you take public assistance, the state will require you to name the father so they can get an order of paternity so that they can go after him to repay some or all of the amounts spent by tax dollars on this child. When someone is dragged in to pay child support, they typically file for visitation. Unless you can fund this child's needs for its entire life, without state assistance (meaning medical cards, day care assistance, WIC checks etc) this man will be sought after for child support and will then be more likely (or his mother and/or father will be more likely) seek visitation. And, they'll have the child's address and phone number to contact the child through you.
And, he may actually want to know his child. Lots of fathers do. I've done several reverse paternity actions; where the father of the child forces mom and child to have a dna test, to prove paternity where mom is denying it, so that dad can get visitation with his child. It happens; and the denial of paternity looks bad to the mom.
You've put you and your child in a bad spot. Why are you not considering adoption?
But do you have enough to fully support yourself and a child for the next 18 years? I'm glad to hear you're thinking of all possible options -- just realize that the only one who matters in all of this is the child who didn't ask to be created. Part of being a mature adult is putting that child's needs ahead of your own.
You don't have to put the baby's father on the birth certificate. He may fight to see the kid though. I know that criminals still have rights to see their kid, but what they don't have the right to do is take them on any potential carjacking trips or any other illegal activity that this man seems incapable of stopping. We don't know if the father is able to contain himself. I would say that supervised visitation could be arranged, and that would be better in the beginning until some evidence of reform is seen. I don't want to deny the father the right to see his kid by any means, but a criminal lifestyle puts the child in danger when/if the kid is alone with the baby.
I think you should at least consider adoption. I am not saying this to imply or outright say that you are unfit as a mother. I am simply basing the comment off of the desire that it seems you have to go to college & establish yourself. When you have this baby you will not have the average college experience. It will be hard, and it is a concern that you may resent the baby. Its harder to finish school, get a good job etc. Its not that it is impossible there are women who do it. I sincerely hope that you have a great support system that will help you cope with your situation. I hope you succeed. Its just that the stats are stacked against you and I don't want you to fail for the sake of yourself, and your child.
Good luck to you, and I wish you only the best.
You've got a difficult road ahead of you, if you decide to keep this baby. Who will watch your child while you're taking classes? Who will be paying for diapers and wipes and pediatrician visits?
I don't think you would make an unfit mother, or even a bad mother, but you have put your child in a bad place by letting her be created by a criminal dad and a teen mom. It would be the best situation in the world to find an open adoption with a good healthy family that can't have kids of their own but wants to raise them. If you want to do what is best for the kid I suggest you look into adoption, and open adoption if you would like to be involved in the kid's life.
Other wise you run the risk of letting your mistakes, and your child's father's mistakes, impact your child's life negatively. It takes an extraordinary person with a stellar family support system to give a kid the fighting chance adoption gives. Open adoption is the best possible route, all others lean to your own selfishness.
Check us out
I'll give you some advice from someone who found out she was pregnant 2 weeks after starting college.
It's extremely hard. You may understand that, but you truely don't know until you are in the situation. I had DS the week before my spring semester finals. I had to take a semester off the following fall because I had to work to be able to provide for both of us.
I have a full-time job, a part-time job, and go to school full-time. There are definitely times I feel like I have missed out on a lot when it comes to college because I had to grow up so fast. Even though my family is a HUGE help and watch DS when I am working, at class, or on the very few nights when I want to go out, I still struggle.
So, my questions to you are: How good are your grades now? Will you be able to take care of a baby, work, go to school and maintain high grades? Will you be able to financially support a child without relying on public assistance?
Don't go into this situation planning on getting assistance. Use it only as a backup plan if you absolutely need it. If you know you are not going to be able to support this child on your own, I suggest looking at other options. It's extremely stressful and you will have to give up a lot.
If you decide to keep the baby, I suggest not putting his name on the birth certificate. If you do, he will have as many rights as you do until you have a custody agreement, meaning if he were to take the baby and not want to give it back, he won't have to. Document everything. If you don't, it may come back and bite you in the ass. GL and if you have any questions feel free to ask.
Thanks so much for your input. I think your story helps a little more than the others i dont really know why but it does. Um as far as assitance i really am not planning on using it unless its my last choice. I'll even share a little more with you about my story since you know how it is having been through it yourself. I only need a few more classes a few sciences and clinicals and labs to graduate college (dual credits taken tons in high school) and my grades are great at the momment im in the top of my class also in NHS. but i do see that with a baby it will be harder to concentrate on school work or keep grades up. And i was thinking taking off this fall to have the baby and starting a few online classes in the spring so i can do what needs to be done with the baby and see what i cant do about work (ill leave that info out since its taken care of pretty much i just dont feel comfortable sharing that on here) and then the next fall starting class full time if it seems right possible part time also depending on what i need. And the college has a daycare center ive heard from many people it is nice and clean and has high scores it is also affordable. and along with that job info i didnt fully explain i will be able to support the child financially. I am also still thinking of other options but I am taking my time to think them through. I would also like to hear back from you and see what you have to say.
Most of the people who commented on this are people I've never seen on this board, lol.
Anyway, I think if you have a good support system of family and friends who can help you financially, emotionally, etc then you can make it. Don't expect handouts or a free ride just because you made mistakes though.
I also took college classes while still in high school. When I graduated I already had 28 credits. I've taken many online classes. With a child they're definitely easier for your schedule, but I would suggest taking on-campus classes before doing online ones. The classes are a lot different and I think with a new baby and just starting classes that would be the way to go for the first semester.
Check with the college daycare and see if there is a waiting list. A lot of times there are. At mine the wait is 2 years and it isn't a big school. At the largers ones around here the wait is even longer.
Very personal question! But no. My parents are separated.. father is unemployed because of disability and my mother doesnt make too much money but enough for her. And I will be paying for my school through scholarships (i have very good grades) and grants and what isnt covered there i have money on my own I will use to pay for the rest if needed. And I myself will support my child. That is why im going to school and getting a career so i can have money to support the child..... Untill then i have sufficient funds that I will not discuss with you to support me and my baby.
No there may be a list of kids waiting to get into this daycare. Since a lot of parents go back to school, there may be a lot using this daycare so there may be a wait. It doesn't hurt to check, that way you can get on the list.
In spite of the claim you made earlier, it doesn't sound like you're considering other options at all. It sounds like you've made up your mind -- you're bound and determined to play mommy -- you'll show them! -- regardless of what might be best for this baby. Like I said earlier, selfish and immature. It's a shame this child has nobody who cares about its needs.
If you want state aid anywhere, you must identify all possible fathers so that they can go after the father to pay some or all of those funds and get a support order established. It does not matter what you put on the birth certificate itself. Please believe that lots of people lie/omit information on those, that the state is aware of motivations for doing so, and it will not stop the state from pursuing support from the father and establishing paternity etc. If you do not cooperate with this process, you will not get state aid.
Babies add about 800 a month in expenses to a household; are you earning that, will you earn that, who will pay when you are unable to work, etc?
Ziti...I don't think that is a very fair reply. She doesn't sound like a horrible person or a completley selfish person and it sounds like she's trying to prepare herself for a decent future for her and her child. Yes, she made a very poor choice in a father for her child, but it sounds like she's realized this mistake and doesn't intend to repeat it and is working to distance herself and her baby from the father.
Not saying adoption shouldn't be considered, but telling her that she's selfish and doesn't care about her child's needs is pretty cold!
It's a very difficult situation and not an easy decision to make.
Also, I never named my son's father on the birth certificate and I received WIC for a short time. I wasn't asked to name his father either.
You know, people make shitty choices all the time. There seem to be a lot of ladies on this board that had idiotic husbands, boyfriends, and baby daddies. And I get on here and see some of the strongest moms I could imagine. Just because she slept with an a**hat doesn't make her any less mature than most girls her age. Pregnancy seems to be the reality check she needed, and she talks like she's prepared to step up to the plate and be a parent. Glad you, a complete stranger, are the only person that cares for her unborn kid. Get over yourself.
OP- Think about adoption. We did with this baby. After we thought about abortion. We're both in college (I've got 2.5 semesters to go, FI about the same), and weren't expecting/preparing for the natural outcome of sex (i.e.: this baby). I'm taking time off while he finishes (mostly because his degree will be more marketable than mine), and working. We got lucky, our families want to be very involved in our lives and this baby's life. My parents are letting me stay with them this fall while FI commutes so we can save rent money, and mom wants to watch the baby when I go back to work. Without them, I don't know how we could do it. Abortion is against what we both believe in, and we couldn't imagine giving our child away for strangers to raise. No, we didn't think things through before having sex (at least, didn't prepare for the outcome). No, we probably can't do this alone (we would do are hardest if we had to). But I don't think it makes us bad parents to take help when it's offered, nor do I think it makes you a bad parent if you are willing to step up and sacrifice for your child so you can be its mother and not someone else.
I hate the idea of open adoption, it just seems like the mom wants none of the responsibility, but still be acknowledged for something more than just being the incubator.
this man will be sought after for child support and will then be more likely (or his mother and/or father will be more likely) seek visitation. And, they'll have the child's address and phone number to contact the child through you.
LOL! What a joke! I listed Cadance's bio father on the birth certificate also and she just turned 2 years old and how much support have I received in the past 2 years? Oh, MAYBE 200 bucks...they know where he lives and he appears in court and pays a token payment of 25 bucks to keep his ass out of jail but I have never got the court ordered payments of 75 a week...EVER! I also work full time, I receive WIC benefits (yeh, they do give benefits to WORKING ppl) I had to get her on Medicaid when I lost my job last Oct. So I am getting some public assistance but it doesn't mean jack here in Ohio!
And THIS again. You don't need fathers name on BC to collect CS. And that was as of August of last year.