Pregnant on paper..

soon2Bkranz

So I just saw on the previous post that some people find that offensive or dont like it. Can I ask why that is?

I wore a lot of shirts that said it and it got conversations going where I could easily bring up to people that we were adopting. I missed getting to walk around the grocery store and the clerk knowing we were having a baby...and wearing that I got to somewhat experience that.

For me I hate that people say " adopt a highway" or adopt a park...That bugs me and I dont say it. Honestly even adopt a pet irks me...

SO thats my thing

Cissi64

I missed the complaint.  The phrase  isn't something I think I would use but it doesn't bother me.  "Adopting" a highway, park, etc doesn't bother me either though.

Mrs_Liberto

I was the one who made the comment. There seems to be a lot of back and forth on adoption forums/bloggers whether it's "offensive" or not-- it makes some APs wince when recalling an especially long/failed/painful TTC journey whereas others seem to think it's a cute way to share in similar emotions with pregnant women.

There's a Yahoo Answers (haha) question about it here: https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110207142933AAbQTU0

And a Bethany forum discussion here:

https://discussion.bethany.org/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=54037

 This post seems to be able to say it way better than I can:

https://pregnancyandbaby.sheknows.com/talk/2010/12/15/adoption-maternity-photos/. I found this part especially thought-provoking:

 Adoptive parents shouldn?t need things like this ? or terms like ?paper pregnant? ? to make them significant. We are SO significant ? we get to raise the children we adopt.

We arrive at the parenting part in a very different manner. I recognize that. Personally, that is not a big deal to me. I do understand I might by atypical because my husband and I don?t have any fertility issues (at least that I know of!) and we made a very deliberate choice to adopt. We were very, very careful to avoid pregnancy until we reached a point where we were comfortable removing the option altogether (use your imagination, but my husband took one for the team, good guy that he is!).

I hate when people make assumptions and judgments about why others adopt. This isn?t the place to share my family?s reasons for adopting, which are multifaceted and complex (and not all sunshine and rainbows), although I do talk about that on my blog.

Regardless of my lack of a need to experience ?pregnancy? through adoption ? even if I wanted to ? I think this is disrespectful to the women who actually brought our children into the world.  Circumstances for relinquishment or abandonment aside ? judgment aside ? we owe it to our children to remain respectful. The last thing I ever want my children to think is that I care more about me or my feelings ? about wanting to experience something relating to pregnancy ?  than I do theirs.

No matter how my kids feel about their birth/first moms one day (even if they don?t ever get to meet them), those women gave them life.

I don't know if anyone here agrees with the sentiment, but I think it's worth thinking about. 

 

 

pinkwedding05

I don't see a problem with it.  I probably wouldn't wear it on a shirt (mostly because I don't wear anything with words printed on them), but I would think it was cute on someone else. 

Temp206787500007404

I don't have a problem with it either, but it's not terminology I would use.

I think much like expectant parent vs. first parent vs. birth parent...there are plenty of ways to nit pick it.  We tiptoe around a lot of issues worried about offending each other and there are definitely folks on both sides who have strong opinions one way or another about different issues and for others they are non-issues.

Our birthmom requested I refer to her as birthmom.  I trotted out all of the options and asked her how she was most comfortable (as she does read our blog occasionally and is a FB friend, but I don't want to name her outright...she doesn't want to be identified as XXX, Payton's birthmom...she wants some anonymity with the masses)...and she laughed at all the other options and said she preferred birthmom, so that's what we use.  I've called her Payton's "mom" plenty of times as well, and it takes people aback, but it doesn't bother me and doesn't lessen my role as her mom as well.  I know it bothers some birth parents very much to hear the term "birth parent," but I'm going with what mine prefers.

And FWIW, she called me "little mama" or "mama" the whole time she was pregnant.  At one point, I had taken her to a clothing store to pick up some maternity clothes after an OB appt and she laughed and said she felt like we should be shopping for me instead.  I don't think she personally would have had an issue with the verbiage paper pregnant, if I chose to use it.  I did say "we're expecting" once we were officially matched and she loved that.  She wanted us to be excited about the process and about our baby coming and to be involved as much as possible.  It didn't lessen her role at all.

I do take offense when I see AP's referred to as "adopters" vs. "adoptive parents" or just "parents."  Somehow adopters has a very negative connotation to me.  Similar to if an AP was to refer to a birth parent as a "birther" (which is inexcusable to me).  It just makes my stomach turn and I've never seen either used in a positive way.  Otherwise, as far as names for BPs and APs...nothing really bothers me, as long as our birthmom is happy, I'm happy.

silliestbunny

MrsB2007:

I don't have a problem with it either, but it's not terminology I would use.

I think much like expectant parent vs. first parent vs. birth parent...there are plenty of ways to nit pick it.  We tiptoe around a lot of issues worried about offending each other and there are definitely folks on both sides who have strong opinions one way or another about different issues and for others they are non-issues.

Ditto.

 

 

MrsKolasa

MrsB2007:

I don't have a problem with it either, but it's not terminology I would use.

I do take offense when I see AP's referred to as "adopters" vs. "adoptive parents" or just "parents."  Somehow adopters has a very negative connotation to me.  Similar to if an AP was to refer to a birth parent as a "birther" (which is inexcusable to me).  It just makes my stomach turn and I've never seen either used in a positive way.  Otherwise, as far as names for BPs and APs...nothing really bothers me, as long as our birthmom is happy, I'm happy.

This. I also wouldn't wear a shirt that says that on it, but that really isn't my style regardless of what it says.

PrincessShay80

MrsKolasa:

MrsB2007:

I don't have a problem with it either, but it's not terminology I would use.

I do take offense when I see AP's referred to as "adopters" vs. "adoptive parents" or just "parents."  Somehow adopters has a very negative connotation to me.  Similar to if an AP was to refer to a birth parent as a "birther" (which is inexcusable to me).  It just makes my stomach turn and I've never seen either used in a positive way.  Otherwise, as far as names for BPs and APs...nothing really bothers me, as long as our birthmom is happy, I'm happy.

This. I also wouldn't wear a shirt that says that on it, but that really isn't my style regardless of what it says.

The actual term doens't bother me, I have more of an issue of it being printed on a shirt. I just don't see the need to advertise that on a T shirt.

 

AuburnBride06

I don't use the term and wouldn't buy the shirt, but it doesn't get me all worked up. I had an awful IF road and when I heard that term, it did kind of make me think that whoever came up with it found it necessary to have to try and equate it/ make it as " good as" a pregnancy. I also don't need a shirt or phrase to tell anyone I am going to be a mom either. As far as BP names, i use BM/BF when it's necessary to tell whoever I am talking to about them. For DS/our every day conversation, they are called by their first names. I am mothering my son, no one else. But his angel of a BM gave birth to him. That simple.

marlee

Adoption is a tricky subject.  There are SO many emotions (seriousy...name any emotion and it's felt during the adoption journey).  Because of the already emotionally high elements of the process, in addition to the wide variety of circumstances surrounding adoption, someone is bound to get offended.  You can't really come up with phrases, terms or generalizations in adoption since there is no "general" situation.  

I use the terms I am comfortable with.  I have yet to be offended by anyone.  I take into consideration the intent behind the words, and have been lucky to encounter people of extremely good intentions.