I feel like a bad mom

nbjenni

Tomorrow is the day that our girls should come home from the NICU. I know I should be jumping for joy, but I'm more scared than anything. It's like I can't even get excited because I'm so worried about how everything is going to get done, and how tiny they are, and how stressful everything is going to be. Is this normal? I feel like a terrible mom because of this. I don't dare mention it to my DH because I'm afraid he'd think it was horrible, too.

lovethe1story

Hi

No advice or tips here, I can't imagine how hard NICU time must have been.  I am sure once they get home you won't be able to imagine them not there:)

Good luck!

Trina

macchiatto

I don't have experience with this yet, but to me it sounds totally normal and understandable to have those feelings. (((HUGS))) and I hope all goes well.

kmcclelland

I know how you feel...we brought Lila home after 9 days in the NICU, and Mary home after 10 days in the NICU. ?I felt extreme anxiety about bringing them home because I was so exhausted from going back and forth to the NICU every day, pumping at all hours of the day and night, and worrying about my babies, not to mention recovering from a c-section. ?I was still stressed out when we brought Lila home on Friday because Mary was still in the NICU. ?However, after we arrived home with Mary on Saturday afternoon, I began to feel more relaxed and like myself than I had since the girls were born. ?Coming home with both of my babies and knowing that they had a clean bill of health from the NICU was reassuring to me. ?Plus, it was the first time DH and I had spent a whole day at home since the girls were home. ?I began to feel settled, tidied up a bit while the girls were napping, was more comfortable pumping, and things just fell into place! ?Not to say that things aren't tough and stressful, especially when we're up for a 3 am feeding, but it's SO MUCH BETTER than being in the NICU, I promise! ?Good luck tomorrow. ?Enjoy the day, take tons of photos and videos, and know that it will only get better from here on out!

JBSugar

I can't speak from personal experience but I'm guessing it's pretty normal to feel that way.  He's probably a little scared too.  You have no reason to feel bad....you're completely entitled to feel that way!  And FWIW.....I know you're a great mom and you're going to do a great job!  {{hugs}}

gymrat

If you're a bad mom than I am too. I wasn't excited about bringing my son home. I wanted him to stay in the NICU and not be released until his sister was out too. And even though I was more than overjoyed to bring by daughter over a month later, I was still nervous and overwhelmed. I think that what you're feeling is natural. Believe me, the anxiety over bringing them home will fade pretty quickly. You'll be able to handle it.

 

Good luck!!

pea-kay

oh gosh yes, it's totally normal! i felt that way too. at that point, i didn't feel like the boys were mine, so i didn't feel like i knew how to take care of them. i was so nervous and scared to have them all home.

but within a few days, it felt so right to have them home with us, taking care of them all the time. 

cands

If you were a bad mom you wouldn't be worried and stressed about how to take care of your babies.  You are a good mom, and unfortunately good moms worry.  You'll do great.

barker2B

My dd was in NICU for 2 days while I was still in the hospital and they weren't sure she was going to be able to come home with us when I was released.  Ultimately she was and rather than being ecstatic, I was terrified and full of anxiety.  I think it's totally normal--it's like I knew if anything happened while she was in the NICU the nurses knew exactly what to do but if something happened at home, would I know what to do?  The good news is that your maternal instinct will kick in and soon enough you'll feel empowered and proud of your mothering skills, rather than scared.

Also, if I were you I'd talk to DH about how you're feeling.  I tried to be strong and act like "super mom" in front of my husband for the first few days home, despite how overwhelmed I was feeling. Once I opened up to DH and allowed him to be the support I needed, things seemed much more manageable.  In fact, he was feeling the same things I was--I couldn't have survived those first few weeks home without him.

Congrats and good luck!

blueladybug

Of course you are nervous about them coming home.  And that is what makes you a great mother.  You realize that they need extra special love and attention.  You will do great! 

I think one of the best things you could do is tell your dh.  He is probably feeling the same way but doesn't want to let you down as well.  It will bring you even closer together to confide in each other.  

Lani Lyons

I totally felt the same way, I wanted them home but once they were home I was so nervous and anxious about taking good care of them. Do NOT feel like a bad mom- its so overwhelming in the beginning. I had never even changed a diaper before having my babies!

And you still have major hormones going on too too, I know I was a crying mess at some point every day for the first couple weeks:) You will do just fine with them!

sweater

TOTALLY normal!!! You're going to do such a great job!!!

lajolla09.30.06

I felt the same way, it's a scary thing bringing home TINY babies!  It's been almost a week for me and I'm finally getting more comfortable with them being here.  At first I wouldn't even leave their room for dinner because I was worried that if I left them in the crib asleep something horrible would happen.

 Being worried just means you care about them!  I have a feeling this worry is going to go on forever!

mwilson44

Oh sweetie...you're not a bad mom.  It's normal to feel that way!  It's overwhelming.  You're going to do great!  I felt like a bad mom myself for the first few months because I didn't know if I was doing "enough".  You'll get the hang of it...and be so in love!  HUGS!

kyluvsaj

Totally normal.  I am not a NICU mom but I wanted the dr to keep me in the hospital for a couple more days because I was scared to take the babies home.

I think it is even harder for NICU moms.  You are not a bad mom!  Just EXTRA worried for your babies.

We are here for you!

 k

gingergrl

I was in a PANIC when my girls finally came home.  They kept offering to hold them an extra day because of things that were going on with Jack (thinking it would be too hard on us to be at the hospital with Jack and have the two girls at home) and I would feel so relieved, like yes, keep them.  It's SCARY.  They're tiny, they're hard to feed, they seem so fragile - and there's TWO!

Don't feel bad - i think you'd almost be crazy not to be nervous.  We did it, you'll do it - just take it a minute at a time, you'll be great.  These little girls are tougher than they look, trust me.