Jokes Please

Mayan2011

I am just about to head off to bed, but thought that waking up to a post like this might help me smile tomorrow.  So, feel free to post a joke that you think will help make someone laugh today!

Mayan2011

What do dwarves use to cut their pizza? Little Caesars! (Tim Garcia)

NMscubagirl

What do you have when you have 2 little green balls in your hands? 

Kermit by the balls!!!

OCW2010

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shiit in the woods.

 the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Do you have a problem with shiit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says no.

So the bear wipes his asss with the rabbit.

pennylanehd

Ten top ways to tell if Martha Stewart is stalking your dog

10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.

9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.

8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.

7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.

6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.

5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.

4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.

3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of your dog's crate.

2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand-knitted sweater with matching boots.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU KNOW THAT MARTHA STEWART IS STALKING YOUR DOG IS...

1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.

madhatterxo

OCW2010:

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shiit in the woods.

 the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Do you have a problem with shiit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says no.

So the bear wipes his asss with the rabbit.

I always love this one.

Delta04

This is a great post.  I have not jokes but did get a good chuckle this morning.  Thanks!

Mayan2011

Thanks for making me smile ladies!