update, no news

MayDayGirl

Sorry I didn?t post yesterday.  J wasn?t able to get a hold of her ex.  He has a phone with prepaid minutes and it has run out of minutes so she can?t call him, but she can text him. She told him he has papers he needs to sign that are really important and they are going to meet on Sat with the SW (He believes they are divorce pertaining papers).

However the SW cannot meet with him, tell him everything and take signatures from him on the same day, there must be 24 hours in between at least.  Since he is coming from 3 hours away and planned just to come for the day, J is worried he won?t come back to sign the papers, or if he takes them with he won?t go get the notarized and send them back (all this assuming he even will sign).

So the social workers at our agency decided to send him a certified letter that he will get tomorrow, someone will have to sign for it so we will know he will get it. It will explain that J has given birth and is working on an adoption and he is listed as a possible father.  They will give him their phone number so he can call the agency and find out his responsibilities and what needs to be done.

I won?t lie, it feels like MOUNTAINS that need to be climbed to keep this girl in our lives.  And it is ONLY through God that this will ever happen.

If he doesn?t sign, we basically run out of options. As the legal father (different than punitive) we cannot force him to get a dna test, we cannot serve him papers and let him run out of time, we cannot terminate his parental rights.

It comes down to he NEEDS to sign for this to work.  Even if he isn?t the bio father.

So when I say we need a miracle, I have never meant it more than now.

If God intends for her to be ours, we will have an amazing testimony and story to share of His great provision and grace.  However if he doesn?t intend for her to be ours, we will become those people who he uses to show how we can c continue to rely on God through the worst of circumstances, losing a child.

I have been extremely honest with him, I don?t want to be the second group. I will do it, I will still put my faith in him if we lose her, but I don?t want that to be my purpose in life, to share of God?s goodness through the loss of a child.  I would much rather continue to minister to people on the happy side of this story.

But none of this is up to me to decide.

I cannot in any way put any hope in our circumstances, not only does the bible tell me not to, our circumstances are pretty glum.  They aren?t worth putting any hope in.

So my hope continues to be in God alone.  In his great mercy and his great power, and in his great love for us and Aida.

I will keep you posted.

Heyrenae!

Thinking about you guys constantly.  Continuing to pray for the mountains to be moved.

715inNC

You are in an unbelievable situation and to read this post makes me feel so selfish for our hopes to keep our little one.

You have a beautiful outlook on this and I pray for your experience to be positive and to have that testimony that God moved mountains for you and you have him to praise.

 

I am in nowhere near as similar a situation, but already, your words have helped me to see our situation in another way. So thank you, your testimony is already great.  

Cissi64

I'm praying you get to share fromthe happy side.  I wish I had your courage and ability to deal with loss in such a positive way. I'm still struggling and I think I needed to read your post today!

hersheykiss

I am sorry you are going through this. No one should ever have to go through this, or the thought/action of losing a child. I hope that everything works in your favor and in 30 days we can all sit and laugh about it.

I admire your faith in God.

amberfernandez

I am so sorry that you're going through this, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

We were a similar situation with a legal father and a bio father.  Our legal father didn't want to acknowledge the situation, he was afraid that he would have to pay child support, even though the baby wasn't his, he just wanted to ignore the situation and hope it would go away.  He was refusing to sign any paperwork, kept bailing on his appts with the social worker, to the point where the social worker gave up and turned it over to our attorney.  Not sure what the laws are in your state, but in my state, an attorney can file to terminate the rights with a legal father in the courts.  The legal father is served, and if he doesn't show up, his rights are automatically terminated.

Eventually, I was able to explain the situation to the legal father where he understood that because he is technically married to the BM, even though the baby isn't his, and he doesn't want anything to do with it, he still has to TPR.  I met him with a mobile notary and he signed the papers without having to go to court.

Have you spoken with an attorney?  There has to be other legal avenues once he learns of the baby, and hopefully doesn't want anything to do with it.

I'm really hoping everything works out for the best!

lovemymonkey

MayDayGirl:

If God intends for her to be ours, we will have an amazing testimony and story to share of His great provision and grace.  However if he doesn?t intend for her to be ours, we will become those people who he uses to show how we can c continue to rely on God through the worst of circumstances, losing a child.

You're already a great testimony of perseverence and faith! Your family and Aida are in my prayers, R!

hoping4more

Thinking about you and your family. I shall pray for a miracle.

Go_Dawgs

MayDayGirl:

If he doesn?t sign, we basically run out of options. As the legal father (different than punitive) we cannot force him to get a dna test, we cannot serve him papers and let him run out of time, we cannot terminate his parental rights.

Have you talked to an attorney about this?  Hopefully it will be a non-issue and the legal father will sign, but I would be very surprised if there were no legal options - especially if there are issues that render the legal father inappropriate to parent (including failure to support this child - which I guarantee he isn't going to do without a DNA test).  If he refuses to sign, I would highly recommend finding an attorney who has experience with contested adoptions and not just simple finalizations.  I don't remember what state you are in, but let me know if you want me to ask around for some names in your state.

CaptainSerious

I will continue to pray that this works out for the best for all involved, and that you are granted the solace and comfort of God's peace, which surpasses all understanding.

MayDayGirl

Go_Dawgs:

MayDayGirl:

If he doesn?t sign, we basically run out of options. As the legal father (different than punitive) we cannot force him to get a dna test, we cannot serve him papers and let him run out of time, we cannot terminate his parental rights.

Have you talked to an attorney about this?  Hopefully it will be a non-issue and the legal father will sign, but I would be very surprised if there were no legal options - especially if there are issues that render the legal father inappropriate to parent (including failure to support this child - which I guarantee he isn't going to do without a DNA test).  If he refuses to sign, I would highly recommend finding an attorney who has experience with contested adoptions and not just simple finalizations.  I don't remember what state you are in, but let me know if you want me to ask around for some names in your state.

we have been working with an attorney, our options run out before entering into a contested adoption, which honestly sounds horrible to us, we have no idea if this man would have his rights terminated bc we don't know anything about him.  So it could take years and we could still lose her.  We aren't crossing that bridge though until we get there.

jehnm

I will be continuing to pray for you!  God is writing your story, you know that and you will follow.  He already knows the ending of this and regardless, His plans include hope and a future for every member of your family, including Aida! 

I know it's so hard and I pray that he signs and you can start rejoicing! 

 

militarywife2b

Still praying for you and her parents for their loss