How do you handle nights (between you and H)?

AutumnBride929

Do you handle it yourself or does your H help you?

Last night for us was terrible.  DS is teething so he woke up screaming several times and my husband sleeps like a dead rock.  I think even a rock would hear this.  He hears nothing.

DD finally went to sleep around 3:00 so I was finally able to get some sleep myself... until DS FREAKED out.  I was patiently waiting for DH to go tend to him but that wasn't happening so I went in there, got DS and brought him out to the living room where DH was sleeping on the couch.  I thought maybe DS could just sleep with him (my dad was in town so he took up the guest room).  I guess DH brought DS back to his crib at some point because I woke up again later to DS screaming his head off.  This time, I just went in there and rocked him myself; then laid him back down in his crib.   Then DS wakes up a third time so I go back to him and take him out to DH again and say just give him some Triaminic and maybe some water to keep in his crib.  Finally, that worked but DH got pissed at me for making him help... probably because DD wasn't nursing or anything; she was sleeping. 

DH chooses to go to bed at like 1:00 every night.  I can't help but think that is detrimental to his ability to wake up and help me every once in a while.  I AM on maternity leave and DH has to go to work in the morning but I was the sole overnight care provider to DS for a year and a half and I had to get up and go to work every morning, too.  It's just irritating.  Maybe I'm in the wrong but I don't feel like he even makes an effort, especially because he stays up so late at night when he could be sleeping instead to make up for any time where he might have to wake up and help me with the kids.

Sorry this kind of turned into a vent, lol.  I just kept telling him when I was pregnant that things were going to change; I couldn't do everything by myself anymore once we had two.  It's like it just went in one ear and out the other.  What do you do?

JoannaJes

We split night duty 50/50. H has said that he thinks it's actually more important for me to get sleep, to be able to have some patience the next day with the kids. : )

I would be upset with a husband that thinks he can go to bed at 1 am and then have uninterrupted sleep. I don't think being on maternity leave means that you are the only parent at night. What was it like when you had your first child? Did your H pitch in at night at all?

kcisthebombdotcom

 It depends on the night. If it's a time where one (or both!) of the kids will be up frequently, we do shifts-one of us sleeps from 8-1, the other from 1-6.

At times where there's just one night feeding, we rotate nights.

When I was pregnant, DH did all night waking, especially the times I was really exhausted.

I would not allow my DH to not help. You need to put your foot down.

AutumnBride929

JoannaJes:

What was it like when you had your first child? Did your H pitch in at night at all?

I did 99% of the overnight care.  DH helped a handful of times but mostly, I did everything. I guess he got too used to that.

JaysonandKristin

Because DH refuses to let DS CIO in any fashion, and refuses to put DS in his crib (lets him sleep with us), DH will have DS1 duty 100% of the time once DS2 gets here.  This is already pre-determined.  

I had HAD it with DH's inability to handle some of the less "fun" parenting responsibilities, and made sure that we understood each other regarding care in the middle of the night when there are actually 2.

DH will hold up his end of the deal because he's a man of his word, but if he has a big deal at work the next day or an exam at school, I'll give him a break.   

Scout1218

To be honest, there's not a lot my DH can do during night wakings, because DD and now DS were BF.  He was also gone from the time DS was a week old until he was about 2 months, so he wasn't really able to help me at night.  He is very supportive, though, and I'm sure if I asked him for help, he would.  DS is regularly STTN now (holy cow!  how many more acronyms can I use?!  sorry...sidetracked) but when he wasn't, if my DH was home, he'd get up with me so at least I felt like I wasn't all alone. 

Have you tried really sitting down with your DH and talking about expectations?  Does he just not want to change? 

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. 

CaitlinJ22

I BF and so DH can't do much besides help with DS when he gets up in the am. DS also wont let DH put him to bed etc. If DS gets up bc of a nightmare then DH goes in. BUT when DD was born DS would not let DH go in and help. I would have to go out when the baby was sleeping to get my son back to sleep. When DH was home and the baby woke up while I was in with DS, my husband would rock her until I got back to nurse....BUT DH is gone 21 days at a time offshore, so when he is gone its all me. The nights where they were both awake at the same time were few...hang in there and talk with your DH when you all are calm and rested so you can lay out your expectations. 

GL 

laura1

We had an understanding (well I told DH and he listened, lol) before DD was even born that overnight, I would deal with the baby's night wakings, and he would deal with DS's night wakings.  

DS STTN, and has since 7 months old, but when teething, things could get bad.  So 80% of the time, DH and DS would STTN, while I was up every night at least twice with my DD until she was about 9 weeks old (then she would sleep 10-11pm to 5am).  

When I went back to work, and DD was STTN, we started taking turns - I would get up the first waking (whoever it was), DH would take the second, etc.  

I do work nights, though, so on the nights I am working, DH has them alone overnight.  The night before I work, if we are having a rough night, DH will usually deal with them and try to let me sleep - he only has to function during the day.  I have to function all day with the kids, then all night trying to keep people alive at work.  I try to pay him back if I am not working the next night and do more of the wakings.

GL! 

sarie1621

My FI works nights (two nights on, two nights off) so on the nights he is home he will take the morning feeding (typically DD sleeps from 8:30pm - 6:30am) since I am so exhausted and need like 14+ hours of sleep.

DD will then stay up until about 8:30am and then go down for her morning nap so he will usually take a nap while she does and we both get up after that.

When he is working, it's all me and will be all me with both kids as well.