does it make a difference who files?

luvmycoca

H and I are nearing a divorce if we don't start responding to one another, making time for one another and having tolerance for one another.  Just wondering if we decide it is time if I should push for him to file or if I should file.  Does it make any difference who files?

julia0402

It does not matter as far as who gets what.  The defendant has to respond anyway and can file a counter-suit or whatever it's called if they want to.  At least in CT, I am pretty sure the only difference is that the person who files has to pay the fee... $300 here.  It was worth it to me to get the process going!  My ex would still be dragging his feet if I'd have waited.

alamo10

I don't think it matters who files I just think the person who does gets charged a fee.. I've never been divorced so I could be wrong.

Mrs.Keith2B

My attorney kept emphasising that while it techinally doesn't matter who files, it "really does matter". To this day, I'm not still sure what he means but that, but whatever. FWIW, I was the one who filed. I paid the filing fees and my name is listed next to Plaintiff. That's really the only difference I've seen.

cmanmom

True, whoever files has to pay the fee, BUT they also get the first chance to tell their side of the story.  The first person to move forward is the petitioner, and the other person becomes the respondent.  They get to "respond" to what you write, and in my experience, only to what you write.  So basically you get to tell your side, and he can ONLY give his side of the story to what you wrote, not add his extra stuff.

This was how it went with me at least.  Maybe exH had a dumbell lawyer though.

julia0402

cmanmom:

True, whoever files has to pay the fee, BUT they also get the first chance to tell their side of the story.  The first person to move forward is the petitioner, and the other person becomes the respondent.  They get to "respond" to what you write, and in my experience, only to what you write.  So basically you get to tell your side, and he can ONLY give his side of the story to what you wrote, not add his extra stuff.

This was how it went with me at least.  Maybe exH had a dumbell lawyer though.

This isn't accurate, at least in my state (CT)-- in their response, they can state that the reason for the divorce is different, or ask for a different custody/visitation arrangement than the plaintiff requested, or ask for alimony, etc.