Thoughts? Advice Needed! Long (I'm Running Out of Time)

MrsCase1

First of all, I didn't know this board existed so yay!

Second, here is the background: DH and I moved 1,500 miles away from our friends and family. I did not even know I was pregnant!

A girlfriend graciously offered to throw me a shower in our home state where all our friends and family live. I am so, so thankful to her for her consideration, so please do not think I am an ingrate or otherwise prissy about the shower. On the contrary, I am thrilled just to be acknowledged.

Prior to mailing the invites, my girlfriend told me she was going to include the registry cards from BRU as well as some wording to the effect of, "Our intent is to shower Casey with love. If you'd like to shower her with a gift, because she lives so far away, for your convenience and to save on shipping costs, a gift can be sent to her local BRU. " That isn't the exact wording, but we wanted to convey that gifts aren't expected and we don't want people spending a small fortune on shpping costs. We were trying to be considerate. Really, just getting to celebrate with the people I care about is gift enough. 

Well!!....

The invites went out with neither the card stating where I am registered, or letting people know the special message.

For my wedding, I did not send out cards stating where I was registered. I figured if they wanted to get me a gift, they could ask myself, or whichever family member was their link to their invite. I didn't want to seem like I was fishing for presents. It went over well and I am glad I proceeded that way.

I don't know if that was my girlfriend's intent (which is that they could ask when they called to RSVP and she'd give them the schpeel then) or if there was some sort of error in light of our prior conversation.

Regardless, my MIL has called me several times to complain already. She is pressuring me to say something to my girlfriend. I feel it is moot at this point. My girlfriend is doing a nice gesture for me and the invites are already out and received. What could she do, send a follow-up? I think that would be way more tacky than I am comfortable with.  I am inclined to say nothing and just enjoy my day-I can worry about shipping any potential gifts after the shower (my MIL said she'd pay for the shipping but I think she wants to renig on that considering there might be more gifts to mail now than she anticipated.)

What do you suggest? 

purple4u

I would not say anything, invites are out.

Interestingly enough, my mom encountered a similar situation and what she did was get together with another friend and purchase a gift at BRU and had it shipped. Because of the amount they spent the gift was shipped for free.  

  

MrsCase1

purple4u:

I would not say anything, invites are out.

Interestingly enough, my mom encountered a similar situation and what she did was get together with another friend and purchase a gift at BRU and had it shipped. Because of the amount they spent the gift was shipped for free.  

  

yes, one of the reasons i chose to register there was because they would allow a gift to be shipped free to my local store and i could pick it up. Save money and hassle for my guests.  

pam1005

If guests want to shop off a registry they will ask the host, can look online, or will find out by word of mouth.  BRU will accept returns off a registry if the item is marked (I marked certain items as a duplicate if I wanted to return it).  Return what you can, get cash/store credit from them, and repurchase the items when you get home.  You can pack lightly as well and put gifts in a suitcase.  BRU was really great with returns when I was pregnant with DS and has been easy with gifts I've recently received as well.  I would not say anything to the hostess, except that when people RSVP she can let them know where you are registered then.

RoxyLynn

Proper etiquette is for the guest to ask about a registry, if they wish to do so.  It's not supposed to be sent with an invitation.

Anyone who wants to know will track it down on line (it's not like you've registered anywhere obscure), or ask when they RSVP or bring it up in conversation.  This really is not a big deal.

TaylaDayne

I wouldn't say anything either. but when people ask your MIL or friends, surely they will tell them where you are registered. Knowing that you are out of town, common sense (not that everyone has it), would dictate maybe getting a gift card or something easy to ship anyway. Stop worrying and just enjoy your day!

cburitz

It sounds like a tough situation all around.

Personally, my opinion of registry cards is very old fashioned. I was raised that it is very impolite to "expect" gifts (even though we all know it's the purpose of a shower) and that putting where you are registered is a HUGE no-no. I am guessing your girlfriend talked it over with other people and they convinced her not to include the registry info on the invite.

I would recommend that your MIL, girlfriend, etc spread where you are registered via word of mouth. For my wedding shower, we did not put our registry information ANYWHERE (save the dates, wedding invite, shower invite) but everyone asked my mom & spread the word.

I don't understand why your MIL is upset. If she wanted control over your shower, she should've thrown it herself. Plus, obviously your friend knows more about etiquette than she does! Just tell her that you have no control over it and you think it's rude to say anything to the guests/your friend.

FutureMrsWittig

What about adding a note to your registry?  BRU allows you to put a special message on your actual registry that your guests will see. Could you just add the "for your convenience and to save on shipping costs any gifts purchased here can be shipped to our local BRU" to the special message section?

Ceridwen21

I'd pack an extra suitcase and enjoy your shower!

Skibunny07

FutureMrsWittig:

What about adding a note to your registry?  BRU allows you to put a special message on your actual registry that your guests will see. Could you just add the "for your convenience and to save on shipping costs any gifts purchased here can be shipped to our local BRU" to the special message section?

You may want to look into this because my mom and I have been trying to purchase my crib and dresser from BRU and for the In Store pick up they specifically told us that only the person who purchases the item can pick the item up in store. I don't know if maybe it is more relaxed for smaller items but we were told there was no exception to this when we were trying to purchase the crib and dresser.  

cherokeemomma87

I wouldnt say anything, if guest want to get you something they will ask the hostess about it. Dont feel like you did anything wrong either, I dont have a registry for my shower and I dont expect any gifts which is fine.  I figure that if guests want to get me/the baby anything then they know its a girl and can pick out what ever they want from where ever they want.

Pockety

A friend of mine is from California originally (now lives in Chicago).  Her friends/family hosted a shower for her in California.  She just enjoyed her shower, said thank you for everything, opened presents at the shower (which people usually like to see you do anyway), etc.

Then, anything big that would've been difficult to take home on the plane, she returned in California and re-bought with the store credit in Chicago.  It was no big deal, and didn't need to be discussed with the shower attendees - she has the items that they bought her; if not the exact item, then an identical one.  

That's what I'd suggest doing.