Interesting re:hitting

dawnc78

I heard an interesting comment the other day at a meeting at DD's school (pre-k-1st)... A staff member commented that, when children hit, they aren't allowed to say "we don't hit" or "it's not nice to hit" or anything like that, they can only say "please use your words"... She says that this is because the former statements can be confusing to a child that lives in a home where hitting is acceptable (I assume spanking and such)...

"If mommy is hitting Jimmy when he has been naughty, and we tell Jimmy that hitting is not nice and we don't hit other people, it undermines his parents, decision to use spanking as a form of discipline"

I asked why they can't cite school rules 'it is not okay to hit people in this school'... Her answer was that it could still damage the parent/child relationship... She went as far as to point out that children who are abused in unthinkable ways by a parent still have that unconditional love for their parent, and by questioning their parents' we compromise that and are likely not going to get anywhere because they will defend their parents.

I thought it was very interesting...

summerbrideDC

I'm scratching my head that there is a school that would take a parent's hitting their child into consideration when choosing their own procedure on how to handle aggressive behavior in their classrooms. That's crazy, IMO.  

I *get* that spanking, per se, isn't child abuse as most define it, but having a policy that doesn't explicitly denounce violence against other people b/c it might be "okay" in some  homes to hit each other???!!!  That kind of blows my mind... 

dawnc78

That was my thought too.

Jodi&Joe

This cannot possibly be true.  That woman HAS to be mistaken.  Um, that is the most insane thing I've ever heard of.

They most definitely say "Hands are not for hitting" (and even recommend the book) and things like "we don't hit our friends" etc in Joey and Cam's preschool AND school.

Honestly, someone needs to have a talk with that school.  BIZARRE!

shouldbworkin

Really, though, how is saying "we don't hit" even remotely helpful to a child?  For that matter, how is saying use your words any better?  If they really want to help them out, they need to help them express themselves properly, IMO.  Something like "Jimmy, instead of hitting Katie because she took your toy, please ask her to give it back and tell her she's making you feel [fill in the blank]."  If the parents can't help the kids properly express themselves, asking them to use their words for fear of damaging the parental relationship isn't much more helpful to me.

Zenya

wtf kind of school is this?  Tell me it's not a normal public school.  

dawnc78

Yup, normal public school... They do teach them how to use their words like the pp suggested..."Jimmy, it makes me feel X when you knock over my blocks." but it just bothers me that they don't emphasize that hitting people (especially in anger and frustration) is not okay...

Zenya

dawnc78:

Yup, normal public school... They do teach them how to use their words like the pp suggested..."Jimmy, it makes me feel X when you knock over my blocks." but it just bothers me that they don't emphasize that hitting people (especially in anger and frustration) is not okay...

That would really bother me.  I would talk to the principal.  I'm guessing it's that specific teacher who is trying to protect the parent who uses such awful 'discipline' in their home.   puke.