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South Florida Babies
Bad Behavior - O M G !
Sophia has, no lie, been a very BAD GIRL! I say that and think, "my kid is not a beagle," but there is no way to spin it in a positive way. We have been doing that for months and the positive reinforcement is not working. The kid gets away with murder at school. MURDER. She yells at her teachers, wakes up her friends during naptime, yesterday she threw a fit of mass proportions. It was nuclear, from what I heard, to the point that they called me at work to tell me. Because - you know - there is a lot I can do from here. I am no longer punishing her at home for how she acts at school. She gets in trouble there, they put her in time out, take away fun actitivies, etc. They also give her too many warnings and not enough follow through. At home its a different ball game and although she throughs her share of tantrums, I can handle her and I do. There is only so much they can or will do at school so I am considering that their problem. I talk to her about her behavior on the way home, remind her before bed that she needs to do the right thing the next day, same thing on the way to school and when I drop her off. There is not much more I can do without going to school with her and making sure she gets reprimanded the way she does for acting out at home.
A big reason is that there are 22 kids in that class many of whom are 3 and a half, like Sophia. And the majority is acting out. Other parents and teachers see it and are amazed at how rowdy this group is this year. They are totally out of hand. She is still in the 2s plus classroom because of her birthdate which means she is one of the oldest and bored out of her mind. They are also feeding off each other's bad behavior..and I can tell you that Sophia is a definite ring leader and loves to influence her friends in daily mutiny. I really have a fear that this stupid birthday cut off crap is going to work against us for the rest of her life. Teachers - tell me I am wrong, please!
Anyway, come June she will move over to the pre-school side and get a new teacher, a new classroom, a new routine. I am so ready for this! I am hoping this helps a lot because I don't know how many more bad reports I can take!
Vent over. Ugh.
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Re: Bad Behavior - O M G !
To me, it sounds like it is the school. Twenty-two kids in one room is way too much for that age. Even in public school, the max for primary grades is 18. Also, the birthday thing may be an issue, but if the teacher knows how to challenge her and use her advanced skills to her benefit she should do well. In this case, it sounds like the teacher is lacking control. Is she the only one teacher for the 22 kids?
As for a consequence at home, I always encouraged parents to give praise or a consequence at home for their behavior at school. But, those were usually specific cases of students that needed more reinforcement and parental involvement. So, letting the school handle it in this case is okay. You don't want to punish her everyday and, then, have her start hating school.
It really does sound like she's bored. I used to be like her and just could NOT nap at that age. I wanted to be learning and doing new things constantly. I would get in trouble for talking a lot, but the good teachers knew to just put me in charge of things so that I could get all that energy out. I STILL remember being 3 years old and lying in those cots bored to death during naptime. I used to loose all my earrings that way because I would take them off and start playing with them, lol.
Oh Mel, I can totally relate! This age is SO hard! Quinn was really acting out at school for a while but thankfully, his teacher and I are on the same page, and we worked together to combat the situation. He was bored and getting easily influenced by others. I do reward or punish him for his behavior at school. If his teacher tells me he had a good day, he can watch a movie on the way home (we have a 40-min drive) and he gets to put a sticker on his calendar. 5 stickers in a row, he gets something that he really wants. If he doesn't have a good day at schoo, no movie and no sticker. Yesterday, he had the mother of all tantrums on the grass going into school. I dealt with it, then discussed his behavoir with the teacher and told him that, if he got a good report, he could still earn his sticker.
We also just started giving him "choices." I.e. He can choose to listen or he can choose to have a toy taken away. So far, it is working.
In your case, it definitely sounds like a change needs to happen at school. Can she move into the next class sooner? Our school will move kids early if there are reasons for it.
Good luck!
Dude. I know it's not funny, but this made me LOL. I can SO see Sophia organizing a little army of rowdy kids to do her bidding. It sounds like she really is bored out of her mind.
I wish I had more experienced advice to give you, but I think you're on the right track with the "too many warnings and not enough follow through". If she can get away with acting out, she will - but if you work with her teachers to establish more firm discipline (timeouts, not getting to participate in fun activities, etc.) then hopefully she will learn that the only result she'll get after throwing a tantrum is a negative one. She is SO smart and she obviously knows how to manipulate the overwhelmed teacher to get what she wants. The teacher needs to break that pattern NOW, before it becomes a habit. Also, I know you're a fan of positive reinforcement, so maybe offering incentives for every few days she doesn't get into trouble will help (you can tell her you're going to check with her teacher to see how well she behaved).
Hope her behavior improves! Hang in there.
I worked in a daycare for years before I started teaching and I can tell you from personal experience the 2/3 class was the hardest one to work with! So don't feel like you are alone! But we always kept that class very small.... 22 kids of that age together is asking for trouble. Is the teacher alone or is it more than one teacher? I believe the rule for that age is 12 (or 15, I can't remember) per one adult.
The PP gave you good ideas for rewarding, but another thing you might want to think about is breaking the day up into parts. If she threw a tantrum in the morning but was great the rest of the day I don't think it would be fair to punish her for one mistake. She's so young, and the days are long! I always break up the day by hour with my first graders. Every hour that went by that all rules were followed would earn them a check on their behavior chart, and by the end of the day they had to have x number of checks to earn them whatever reward they picked (m&ms, computer time, etc...). I know it's a lot to keep track of as a teacher, but maybe modify something like that that the teacher can manage.
Good luck!!
Thank you all for your suggestions. There is a teacher and a teacher's aide. I personally really like the aide. The teacher, historically, has been great but she may be getting a little burnt out or this group is giving her a run for her money because there is quite a bit of yelling going on.
SoonMrsCruz - thank you for the suggestin of breaking the day into parts. As a parent I struggle with this because its almost as if I feel like I am giving in to bad behavior if we do something fun not long after Sophia had a tantrum or a bad string of behavior. Now you have me thinking. I need to go Google....
Today I went by with my lunch and removed Sophia from the situation for a while. She sat with me and Isabelle and we ate and talked and had fun. It was cute. I had checked with the teacher's aide before lunch and she told me that Sophia had a good morning. Naptime is always the biggest challenge. But (fingers crossed) at the end of lunch Sophia got up on her own and said that she was ready to go take her nap and have Ms Susan rub her back. And she did. I went back to check after I dropped off Izzy in her class and Sophia was laying quietly on her mat and her teacher was rubbing her back. Hopefully she went down and napped well and let her friends nap. It also looks like they moved her mat to a quieter corner of the room, which I really appreciate.
Anyway - Thanks so much for listening! Any more suggestions are welcome. This is NOT an easy age but I will be damned if my 3 year old is going to be a brat. I won't have it. I personally am not a fan of the phrase "terrible twos" - simply because I think that every age is going to be terrible if you just chalk it up to the "age" and let your child get away with things hoping they will eventually grow out of it. That is probably why I am so tough on her. I love her spirit, I love her playfulness, I don't want to "break" her. I just want her to do the right thing and stop being so defiant. What is scary is that I worry that the defiance is just part of her. AHHH! What will I do then? LOL.
Eli, don't worry - I have to laugh sometimes, too! What amazes her teacher is that her friends follow her and listen to her. She thinks she is the assistant teacher. I walked in one day and found Sophia in a circle of her friends. What was she doing? Holding out blades of grass and telling her friends to eat it. What were friends doing? Eating grass. Dude. Seriously? My favorite question to Sophia is, "Sophia, are you the boss?" Sophia: No, Mommy - YOU are the boss.
I wish that would sink in. LOL.
I struggle with that too and what you said about not wanting to break her spirit is something that I am constantly questioning also. With me and my style I tend to lean towards the ignoring rather than punishing, at least now. I don't do warnings, and if I do there's one before I either remove her or remove the offending issue. As is, "run away again and we're leaving the store" she runs, I grab her and walk out - screaming, kicking, and with people watching me!
If we're home and she has a tantrum, I leave the room and let he have her tantrum all by herself. At school, as you know, when Alexis tells me she "cried on the floor" because she didn't want to do xyz activity, I let it go. Like you said, it's the schools' issue. I know you said you don't want to use the age as an excuse, but I really think it is. They are stuck between being babies and people. They do a lot of things on their own but there are still so many things they can't do yet even though they want to Full reasoning and consequences are not all there yet either. ALexis doesn't totally understand what can happen if she runs away from me in a store. I can explain getting lost, but she can't grasp the concept. I'm sure with Sophie, it has a lot to do with boredom and her spirited personality.
Sorry I don't have any suggestions, just roll with it
You're not alone!
BFP #3: 01/28/12, EDD: 09/23/12, MMC (BO), D&C 2/16/12 at 6.5 wks
BFP #4: 05/23/12, EDD: 01/31/12, Early MC at 5 wks
RPL Workup: + LPD (7DPO Prog = 7.8, Endometrial Bx = out of phase)
Elevated Alpha 2-glycoprotein IgA and antiphosphatidylserine IgM -->
Hematologist said not to worry and no need for treatment!
Dx: LPD
Cycle #1(08/2012): Clomid 50 mg CD3-7, Ovidrel CD13 + Progesterone = It worked!
BFP #5 on 09/10/12 (11 DPO). HCG #1 @ 14DPO = 131.6 HCG #2 @ 16DPO = 509
EDD: 05/23/2013