Last name...

MandiNewMommy

Okay so someone please tell me what you think...

I am a widower...My husband passed away in Dec of '09.  My last name is still his last name.  I got knocked up not meaning to at all.  The baby daddy wants nothing to do with I have not heard from him since I told him about the baby.  So I know for sure the baby will NOT have his last name.  Now I am thinking about going back to my maiden name and using that as the babys last name as well.  What do you think? 

I am just confussed I guess....HELP!

PrincessFiona9

If I was in your situation, I would complete the process of changing my name legally and then when LO gets here you can put your last name on the birth certificate for your baby as well. If you feel attached to your deceased husband's last name, though, and you want to keep it then by all means go ahead! I understand the concern about giving your LO your husband's last name. Are you still in touch with his family? Do you think they would be upset/offended or anything?

My mom was in your position with my younger sister. My parents separated but mom still had my dad's last name. She did give my sister our last name as well, even though she had a different father, because my sister's father was not involved in her life.

sweetie0228

You, if you are a woman, are a widow. 

A widower is a man whose wife has passed.

 

MandiNewMommy

I am still close with them...and I really don't think that they would mind.  I just feel weird for sure if it is a lil boy giving it his last name.  I hope to one day get married again and hopefully that man will let LO take his last name...AHh I just dont know.

MandiNewMommy

sweetie0228:

You, if you are a woman, are a widow. 

A widower is a man whose wife has passed.

 

I have been dealing with this for over a year now and women too can be a widower.  Thanks though.  Really don't need the rudeness...I am just here asking a question...Something I have been having a really hard time dealing with. 

susanc07

MandiNewMommy:

sweetie0228:

You, if you are a woman, are a widow. 

A widower is a man whose wife has passed.

 

I have been dealing with this for over a year now and women too can be a widower.  Thanks though.  Really don't need the rudeness...I am just here asking a question...Something I have been having a really hard time dealing with. 

a) i don't think she was trying to be rude - she just didn't want you to sound uneducated.

b) i think sweetie is right, and you are wrong.  sorry.

ETA:  i would go back to your last name and give the child your last name.  if your deceased husband were my brother or son, i would be kind of offended if you gave someone else's child his last name.

Starbuck5

susanc07:

MandiNewMommy:

sweetie0228:

You, if you are a woman, are a widow. 

A widower is a man whose wife has passed.

 

I have been dealing with this for over a year now and women too can be a widower.  Thanks though.  Really don't need the rudeness...I am just here asking a question...Something I have been having a really hard time dealing with. 

a) i don't think she was trying to be rude - she just didn't want you to sound uneducated.

b) i think sweetie is right, and you are wrong.  sorry.

ETA:  i would go back to your last name and give the child your last name.  if your deceased husband were my brother or son, i would be kind of offended if you gave someone else's child his last name.

No, I think it was entirely rude. Since when is it your job to correct everyone so they sound "educated?" Especially on a sensitive subject such as this? You knew what she meant.

IMO, I would change your name to your maiden name unless you have a special attachment to your husbands name like a PP said.  

susanc07

Starbuck5:

susanc07:

MandiNewMommy:

sweetie0228:

You, if you are a woman, are a widow. 

A widower is a man whose wife has passed.

 

I have been dealing with this for over a year now and women too can be a widower.  Thanks though.  Really don't need the rudeness...I am just here asking a question...Something I have been having a really hard time dealing with. 

a) i don't think she was trying to be rude - she just didn't want you to sound uneducated.

b) i think sweetie is right, and you are wrong.  sorry.

ETA:  i would go back to your last name and give the child your last name.  if your deceased husband were my brother or son, i would be kind of offended if you gave someone else's child his last name.

No, I think it was entirely rude. Since when is it your job to correct everyone so they sound "educated?" Especially on a sensitive subject such as this? You knew what she meant.

IMO, I would change your name to your maiden name unless you have a special attachment to your husbands name like a PP said.  

i'm sorry - it didn't come off as rude to me.  ::shrugs:: 

and you're right, i did know what she meant, but i wasn't the one that did the initial correcting...that was sweetie.

Starbuck5

susanc07:

Starbuck5:

susanc07:

MandiNewMommy:

sweetie0228:

You, if you are a woman, are a widow. 

A widower is a man whose wife has passed.

 

I have been dealing with this for over a year now and women too can be a widower.  Thanks though.  Really don't need the rudeness...I am just here asking a question...Something I have been having a really hard time dealing with. 

a) i don't think she was trying to be rude - she just didn't want you to sound uneducated.

b) i think sweetie is right, and you are wrong.  sorry.

ETA:  i would go back to your last name and give the child your last name.  if your deceased husband were my brother or son, i would be kind of offended if you gave someone else's child his last name.

No, I think it was entirely rude. Since when is it your job to correct everyone so they sound "educated?" Especially on a sensitive subject such as this? You knew what she meant.

IMO, I would change your name to your maiden name unless you have a special attachment to your husbands name like a PP said.  

i'm sorry - it didn't come off as rude to me.  ::shrugs:: 

and you're right, i did know what she meant, but i wasn't the one that did the initial correcting...that was sweetie.

I understand that was sweetie. I was just disagreeing with you about whether or not it was rude. That's all. 

haleyw458

Go back to your maiden name and give your LO this name as well. I think it would be weird and disrespecful if you don't.

BostonGayGal

haleyw458:

Go back to your maiden name and give your LO this name as well. I think it would be weird and disrespecful if you don't.

This and this:

widower?noun, a man who has lost his wife by death and has not remarried.

It may or may not be rude, but in the long run speaking correctly will cause less embarrassment. 

Good luck with your pregnancy and your naming dilemma.  I wish nothing but the best for you. 

 

aundraya

I don't think that you can legally give your child your deceased husband's last name anyway, so you might want to change it back.  My XMIL was a widow when she got pregnant with my XH, and his dad didn't want to claim him.  When she tried to have her deceased husband's name put on the certificate they told her she couldn't.  Something about XH would be eligible for life insurance or something from the deceased if he was listed as the father...Idk the details, but I think it would best any way if you just give the baby your last name.

PrincessFiona9

It doesn't matter what last name you give LO as long as you aren't listing a deceased person as the father on the birth certificate. A name is just a name...Your child can have any last name, it doesn't matter. You just can't add someone as the father without them being there to sign it.

susanc07

BostonGayGal:

haleyw458:

Go back to your maiden name and give your LO this name as well. I think it would be weird and disrespecful if you don't.

This and this:

widower?noun, a man who has lost his wife by death and has not remarried.

It may or may not be rude, but in the long run speaking correctly will cause less embarrassment. 

Good luck with your pregnancy and your naming dilemma.  I wish nothing but the best for you. 

 

that's what i tried to say.  you come across much more nicely on the interwebz than i. 

krissy_messenger

I agree that it would be best to give LO your maiden name and consider changing your as well. I'm sorry about you loosing your husband; this must seem like a ray of sunshine for you Congratz.

And in regards to the widow/widower debate- I have to agree it was kind of rude, despite that the intentions were. Sometimes the "ends" don't justify the "means" so regardless of what valiant intentions you had, to leave a comment that simply corrected word choice was not appropriate, in my opinion.