School-Aged Children
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young moms..
anyone here a young mom? not like early-mid 20's with 1st, but teens.. I had my 1st at 17, 2nd at 18, just had the 3rd at 24. The older 2 are in school now, and I constantly get side eyes from the other parents and teachers. How do you handle this? I always just want to jump in their faces...
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Re: young moms..
i had my first son when i was 16, i'm 30 now and we're having our 4th baby (yes, same daddy who is now my husband)
i know you really get the urge to say, "wth are you looking at". especially if your kid is throwing a fit around a bunch of people or making some other kind of scene. i remember getting a ton of "look at that young mom who doesn't know what she's doing" side eye. i understand what you mean when you say you want to jump all over them, and unlike pp's, i know you don't mean it literally. you really just want to tell them and their judgmental looks to mind their own business.
the best advice i can give having actually gone thru it myself is to try and remember that you do stick out. no matter what you do, until you get a little older, you're always going to stick out.
try not to take their opinions or bad looks into consideration because it will only frustrate you more and thus justify their side eye.
where ever i went with my son, if i got dirty looks, i relished in it because i knew i was doing what i could to take care of my son. my son was getting no different treatment then their own kids were. so if they wanted to gawk, well then gawk away because i was a damn good mom at an age where they probably couldn't even pay their own bills.
I had my first at 19. I've never felt like people are giving me the side eye. Most people are surprised when I tell them my age.
Look closely at how you act. People might be giving you looks for your attitude, not your age.
I was 20 and I got some looks as well. Not a lot but it was there and it had nothing to do with attitude. It's what people do by first impressions. Once those people got to know me, it wasn't a big deal. I still get looks for the fact that I have an 11 year old and 8 month old. It's just going to happen.
I go the babysitter question all the time after my first 2. I was 19 and 22 by the time they were born. Now Im 25 , expecting my third, and people still comment on how I look too young to have so many kids. UHHHH there is a 3 year age differences between each of them! Ill take it though, Its better than being asked if youre the kids grandma.
that was my all time favorite response, "you look too young to have a kid that age"
i would always say, "well, that's because i am"... lol
i just never knew what they expected to hear, so technically yes at 21 i was too young to have a 5yr old... oh well!
I had my first what I was 17. There have been times where I think I have been judged, and no it was not my behavior at all...many people think I act beyond my age lol. I now have 3 kids at 26 and I am married to their father. My kids have been asked (at the school pick up area when we first moved) if I was the babysitter. I had one teacher comment to my daughter "wow, your mom is very, very young".
It doesn't help that my almost 9 year old looks as though she is 12 (she is already up to my shoulders) and I look younger than I am. I have also been asked if they have the same dad....they all look SO much alike. I let the comments go. The only one that bothered me was the one asking if they had the same dad, right after she asked how old I was and how many kids I had. I think that also stung a little because it was a nurse so it was just very unprofessional the way she said it.
Before we moved here I never felt like I didn't fit in. I had tons of friends with kids my kids' ages, some were older than my, some the same age, some a little younger. Here, it is tough because it seems like all of the parents are on the older side and want nothing to do with me. I have tried to have conversations and such but usually get brushed off. I don't let it get to me. Yes, I was young but I know I have done the absolute best that I can for my kids. I know deep down I have always been a good mother, even at 17. That helps keep the comments from getting to me.
I had my 1st 1 weeks before my 18th birthday. He is now in the 1st grade and I still get that look. I have 2 other boys, one born when I was 21 and the other when I was 23. I don't know why people judge so much. I occasionally feel like saying to them that although I may be young I'm still probably better set in life then they are. I own my own 5 bdrm home, brand new vehicle, we have a pool, I own my own business, married, etc. Then I get my emotions in check and just let them think what they want, I know better!
Funniest think ever said to me: My 1st son's 1st halloween we were trick or treating and one of the people said how kind I was for taking my baby brother out for halloween!
I know what you mean, I had my first at 19, second at 21, third at 22 and my fourth at 25. And I get the side eye a lot, my son's teacher offered to help me if I needed help doing my son's homework with him. Really?! I don't dress like a "mom" and most of the other moms are in their late 30's to as old as their 50's, I am definitely the black sheep. I ended up in a conversation with another mom that I really did want to slap after she told me how simple it was to have my tubes tied and that if I ever needed her to babysit so I could finish school she would, then she said she thinks they offer GED classes at the college. I stopped myself from slapping her and with as much grace as I could muster I let her know that: "Yes, I'm young, but I am married, and was married two years before my oldest was born, my kids were planned. I am college educated, and am continuing my education in pursuit of a Masters degree in Socialwork. I don't mooch off the government and my husband and I might just pop out a handful more kids as long as we are financially and emotionally able." Her mouth just sort of hung open. And she fumbled around with her words until saying, she didn't mean any disrespect, she just thought, ummm, ummm ummm.
I have developed a thick skin to the side eye, I graduated HS at 16 and started college right away, and then got married right before my 18th birthday. I got plenty of phone calls to see how I was about 8 1/2 months after we were married, lol. People will think what they think. What matters is that you are a good mother, involved in and encouraging to your child's education. Be the bigger person, be well mannered, open-minded and respectful. Nothing gives people with a negative perception of you more satisfaction than your bad attitude or behavior proving them right. And then secretly think to yourself how great you'll look when your children graduate, and they will be showing their age.
And the previous poster who replied something about needing a college degree to earn your child's teachers respect....really?! So you don't respect someone as a mother unless they have a degree?
I am new to posting on this board. I had my 1st DD when I was 17. I have always gotten the sideways glances. At first they bothered me but now I just don't care. I know that my children are well taken care of. To comment on my quote, my 1st DDs BD decided that he didn't want to be a part of her life. So I worked full time to support my DD on my own. A college education was not possible at that point. So I should be less respected because I chose to support my DD instead of living on welfare?
College Degree does not always mean more respect.
Waaaait, wait a second. "Having a college degree goes a long way towards earning their respect."
This is the single funniest thing I have ever read. Yes. Because all of the people I know with college degrees are responsible, mature adults who earn an honest living.
Get real!