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DH Vent?
So let me know if I am overreacting please ladies. This weekend I agreed to pick up a shift at my PRN job to start easing back into working (I won't go back to my normal schedule for several weeks) and to pick up some extra cash since we are a bit strapped from the mat leave. I am really emotional about going back, however, it is only 5 hours, I can pump there, and I feel more comfortable as it is over the weekend so DH will be with DS the whole time. Well, we went to a friend's house last night for dinner and DH's friend kept asking DH to come over on Saturday to help out with something house-related. He kept saying his wife would watch the baby while DH helped. DH seemed really excited about it while I tried to politely voice that it wasn't going to happen. DH got in the car when we went home really mad at me because he really wanted to go. I offered that if DH wanted to go out with said friend on Friday night by themselves, or even go over to his house Friday night to help out with the task, that would be fine (completely ignoring the fact that our bathroom shower still isn't fixed, our taxes are not filed yet, and we have to clean out a bedroom full of junk before SIL/BIL visit next month). DH said he didn't want to do that and kind of sulked. DH has taken DS by himself one time for maximum of three hours and has taken him with my parents present twice for maximum of eight hours total for both times. I really feel the most comfortable on my first day going back with DH at home with DS, knowing that DS is being cared for in a comfortable place for him that he knows when I am gone for so long. Our friend's wife has met the baby a few times, and is a wonderful person, but would be a totally new person to DS to be around for that long without me in a foreign place. (These friends also have two VERY large dogs that have never been around babies minus when we were over there for dinner). Also, a little part of me really wants DH to see how it is to care for DS for a full day (even though I will only be gone 5 hours and he is gone 12 on the days he works) just to understand what I do every day. But then I kept thinking about the post the other day where the OP said she had to ask her husband to take the baby out and now I feel guilty. Should I just let him go, or am I justified in wanting him to stay home?
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Re: DH Vent?
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I'm with ya. I hate it with DH is supposed to watch the baby for me and gets "out" of it by visiting the grandparents with her. My favorite is tonight he's supposed to watch her so I can go spinning. He possibly has to work late so he asked MIL to watch. That's okay with me, but he told me he's going to try to get out of working late and still have MIL watch her while he can get on the treadmill downstairs while I'm gone.
Also, the other night I couldn't even have one hour to look on the internet and research day care stuff without him not being able to control the baby. I had to stop everything and go put out the fire.
Vent!
This. And I agree with you re wanting him to know what it's like. I work every other weekend, and for the first several days after DH has had DS for a full day, he's really helpful when he gets home. Then I think he sort of forgets, so it's good to have reminder sessions.
This! ::sulks in chair from shame:: Even though I do.
I agree that your DH needs to watch his own kid, but I dont think the way you are going about it is going to help IMHO... By telling him no he has to stay home, you are giving him reason to resent the fact he has to watch his LO and it may make him less willing to do it unless he absolutly has to. He also may be nervous about having LO all to himself. I might gently remind him of LO's nap time and say you dont mind if he goes over to his friends house (as long as his friends wife is watching LO while DH is in the same house) but you would perfer they be home for LO's naps. Then DH has a chance to get what he wants, and he will still have some alone time with LO.
A Frog, A Monkey and a Ladybug
So I might be in the minority here, but I would tell my DH that under no circumstances is that okay. (However, part of why DH loves me is that I speak my mind and don't tolerate a lot of BS, and we both wanted our DS). That being said, I would remind DH of the responsibilities he has at home for our family, that I appreciate him wanting to be a good friend, but he has a father and husband responsibility to contend with that day.
I would not be happy about the large dogs, never mind the assumption that friend's wife even wants to watch my kid, never mind her qualifications, will the baby be safe in the home with the dogs, etc. I would tell my DH that when LO gets older and you are used to leaving him to go to work then it will be a different story. But for now he needs to respect you and your decision and comfort level since you care for DS the majority of the time. You will be no good to anyone at work if you are stressed. But again, I am kind of a B**ch like that;
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