growing/discovering interests of child #2?

lrb

I'm having a hard time figuring out what DS #2 is 'in' to.  I feel like he has been forced to like the things that #1 likes simply because if he doesn't, #1 won't play with him.

DS #1 is obsessed with trains... and obsessed doesn't even scratch the surface.  He watches real train videos (just trains passing by in the desert over and over), reads real train magazines, plays trains all day long, etc.  My husband works in the train industry, hence the obsession.  I feel like if #1 weren't obsessed with trains that #2 would be totally into something else like dinosaurs or airplanes because alone, he doesn't choose trains.  I feel like his interests are kind of squashed... does that make sense?  He wants to be JUST like his brother so even when I try to grow his interests by reading other books, playing dinosaurs, he won't have it because he picks what he knows his brother would want.  He works so hard to get his brothers' approval.  I even tried going to #1 and having him try other things, other toys, etc, but I can't get him away from trains no matter how much forcing I do (I use 'forcing' lightly).

Here's an example... the other day, #1 saw a train shirt.  I picked out the dinosaur shirt which was right next to it for #2 and he was all smiles about it until he realized that it didn't look the same plus #1 told him, 'no brother, you don't want that one bc it doesn't have a train on it'.  I told #1 that he didn't HAVE to have a train shirt but then #2 didn't want anything but the train shirt.  Grrrr.

 Has anyone experienced this?  Does it fix itself eventually as #2 will get older and start to be a bit more independent of his brother?  I am totally overthinking this, I'm sure.  I just want him to find what makes him happy.   Is this just a phase maybe?

ali-1411

I think its just a sibling thing, you can't really avoid it.  My sister was 5 years older than me and I still tried to be just like her until I was in high school!

I would encourage #2 to have his own interests but don't discourage from trying to copy his brother.  Does that make sense?  Like with the shirt.  I would have tried to sell him on the dino shirt but let him make the decision to have the train shirt.

Also, try to get him on some activities alone.  Being a middle child is going to be hard enough, especially since the baby of the family is the only girl.  As much as you can, try to get some one-on-one time with him so he's not always in his brother's shadow or being passed over because he's not the baby girl. 

AustinMimi

I think it's pretty normal, especially for siblings of the same gender. My sister is two years older than I am and I wanted to be just like her when we were little. Then when I was about seven or so, I fell in love with horses and riding became my thing until I went to college. I think it just took time for me to develop individual interests. I am a middle child as well.

Oh, and my sister's daughters are the same way. My six y.o. niece wants to be just like her big sister. One thing my sister did was have my younger niece start activities that were very similar to her sister's, but not the exact same thing. Examples: My older niece is in ballet, but my younger niece does gymnastics (this is SO their personalities... older niece is very patient and deliberate and younger niece is a spark plug with a ton of energy). My older niece is learning guitar and my younger niece is learning piano.

I think it's great to offer choices, but some people have a wide variety of interests and some just don't. My sister and brother loved playing every sport and did all kinds of camps and activities. I, however, liked exactly three things: music, reading, and horses. That was it. And it turns out that it's just my personality. I have tunnel vision for whatever it is I am interested in doing and don't like to be distracted. 

Temp13436125005166

ali-1411:

I would encourage #2 to have his own interests but don't discourage from trying to copy his brother.  Does that make sense?  Like with the shirt.  I would have tried to sell him on the dino shirt but let him make the decision to have the train shirt.

Ditto! 

What if he really likes trains.  I would be worried about discouraging trains because I would never want #2 to feel like he wasn't supposed to like trains because #1 had already claimed it.  Not that I think that's what happening... I just would think about that angle as well.  There's a really awesome book, Siblings Without Rivalry that touches on this.  I super highly reccomend it because its a really easy/fun read and I learned a lot from it. 

jakbtx

I second the rec for Siblings Without Rivalry. I find myself going back to it and re-reading things and discovering new things every time I read it with regard to to the age/phase my boys are in! 

 I can relate to your post. I was concerned about this too, my #1 was so into construction trucks, major obsession. when he was 2/3 yo and #2 was an infant/1yo, I swear we spent so many afternoons walking to construction sites in our n'hood and just watched trucks work. (they were doing lots of pipe replacements/street repair at that time). and #2 is now way into construction, BUT, I am also seeing his own interests emerge now despite #1s influence. #1 has also changed a LOT in the last yr and his interests have definitely widened. (#1 is 5 and #2 is 3 1/4).  he even says he doesn't like trucks anymore! (but he still does )  anyway, just wanted to say that I can relate and I have seen things change and evolve over time!!  

lrb

Thanks guys.  I really appreciate your feedback.  And, I am getting that book asap.  It sounds like just what I need to read.  I love that they interact so much but I just worry that #2 won't try to branch out on his own.  On the off chance that I do get to interact with just him, he seems to have many more interests than just trains and his personality is blooming so I just want to be sure that it isn't get stifled. 

Again, thanks so much... I'm grateful to read your experiences!