If you are one and done

fignewt74

Please tell me how great it is...I really need this right now.

EastCoastBride

LOL.  Well, you have more freedom than those w/ 2 or more have.  You don't have to go through the newborn stage again.  You have more energy and time for both your DS and yourself. 

This is all the stuff I tell myself when I need it! 

What else?  We have more $$ to play with (now and in the future).  Our DS is super easy - I'm positive if we had another, that one would be the total opposite. 

 

fromvatobk

There are things about it that can be great.  The ability to really be available for each stage your child goes through instead of trying to split yourself in a million ways to try and give everyone attention is a big one.  Also, the fact that your LO may have more opportunities than he might have otherwise because you only have to pay for one (like college later, but classes now, daycare/nanny if you need it, etc.) and the fact that it might be easier to find a babysitter who is willing and affordable for nights out with one kid as opposed to 3 can be a bonus.  And the possibility of reconnecting with your DH more quickly or advancing in a job as LO grows and becomes more independent than you would if you were repeatedly resetting back to newborn/infant status is a benefit.  There are costs and benefits to any decisions about when to have kids and how many to have.  These are some of the benefits of having one.  Hope this helps!

jennaw21

Well, I'm not one and done, but I am an only child and I can tell you how great that was and still is.  I am super-close to my parents they truly are my best friends and I have a better relationship with them than anyone else I know has with their parents.  They took me everywhere with them, I was rarely left with a babysitter. I also got very used to hanging with adults and was much more advanced in school and my social skills were excellent.  And I cultivated GREAT relationships with my friends and extended family.  My husband has a brother and that's all he's got...he really doesn't have anything to do with his cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.

As a mom of soon-to-be THREE kids, I can tell you that my husband and I will not be taking them all with us all the time and I know they'll be left to play with each other more.  I try to have one-on-one time with each of my kids, but it's definitely not the same.

And I think ALL THE TIME, "Man, it would be so easy if we just had one!"

Leila'sMommy

You have more money after each stage is over (diapers... formula... adds up quick!), and you never have to go back and do it all over again (sleepless newboron nights, teething, clogged breasts). You don't have to take two kids to the doctor, pay for two kids to go to child care, or college. You have the freedom to pack up your one kid, pay attention to your one kid, and not worry about sibling rivalry. You will never have to worry if you're giving too much attention to one kid over the other. You'll lose the baby weight from baby #1 and never have to worry about losing it again once you have baby #2. 

I could probably keep going. I love being one and done. I love that my DD has so many friends her age (all of my friends had babies in the same year), and she goes to daycare so she's around kids there as well. One and done is perfect for us.

Mrs.Saxy

I'm not one and done...but two and through, lol. Right now I can see how hard it's going to be with DS1 once the baby comes.

Our daycare costs will double, we'll be back in diapers, I assume we'll be on formula some time because I will go back to work in August. You'll have more money to spend.

In 2-3 years when your DS can play sports you can focus all of your attention on him rather than carting around a toddler that won't listen. You won't have that guilt of alienating your first child. 

Quiksilver620

EastCoastBride:

LOL.  Well, you have more freedom than those w/ 2 or more have.  You don't have to go through the newborn stage again.  You have more energy and time for both your DS and yourself. 

This is all the stuff I tell myself when I need it! 

What else?  We have more $$ to play with (now and in the future).  Our DS is super easy - I'm positive if we had another, that one would be the total opposite. 

 

this exactly

lmdbww

Money is a huge factor, time is a close second (because I work FT).

But otherwise, I am the middle child and my mom (love her to death, but) could never seem to give all 3 of us kids the same level of attention and affection.  When I look at my DD, it breaks my heart to think of having another child and not being able to give her my all.

I also really appreciate the reply from the only child (sorry, forgot your name!)  because usually on these boards, when this is asked, most of the time the only children whine and complain that they were lonely or that they were jipped of the "sibling experience". You are proof that it can be done right and not scar someone for life. (that is meant in the most lighthearted fashion, not at all offensive.)

JenF910

Thank you for posting this! We have an only, but not by choice. I'm constantly trying to look at the situation positively.

I know we will have more money to go places, do things, etc. We can afford to live in a smaller house in a great school district instead of having to buy a bigger home in a not as good district.

I can devote every minute of my attention to her. When she's in school we won't have to worry about splitting up to go to different school/sport events.

It will be easier to take her places or to have family watch her when needed compared to dropping off an infant and young child.

I feel a really close relationship with DH in working together to raise DD. If we had 2 kids I feel like it'd be more "divide and conquer" where now we can spend time together raising her. (does that make sense?)

DH or I can take her out for one and one time and give the other some "me time"

Anytime she asks to play with us we can without having to worry about feeding/nursing/changing another LO's diapers.

I still wish we could have another, but I'm beginning to see the good things that can come from having 1

moosesgirl

Thanks for asking this.  I have been having strong feelings of being "one and done" for quite some time now.  The replies have been good to read.  

Soter1

I am on my phone and won't write much but I'm sn only child and had the best life! I fully agree with what the other only child mentioned. My BFFs are my sisters. I never whined about being an only and I know I had more opportunities because of it. I wasn't spoiled and am appreciative. Good luck with your decision. Two is triple as hard!!!

Paigeo

We are one and done.  Financially it is definitely easier with just one.  We look forward to taking DD on kick-ass vacations as she gets older.  I love the quality time we spend together and think we will be very close as she grows up.  I love not having to go through the newborn stage again.  Love almost being done with diapers, strollers, etc.  DH and I both are very happy with our family of three.  Below is a link to an interesting Time article about only children.

 https://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2002382,00.html

Lanibee

jennaw21:

Well, I'm not one and done, but I am an only child and I can tell you how great that was and still is.  I am super-close to my parents they truly are my best friends and I have a better relationship with them than anyone else I know has with their parents.  They took me everywhere with them, I was rarely left with a babysitter. I also got very used to hanging with adults and was much more advanced in school and my social skills were excellent.  And I cultivated GREAT relationships with my friends and extended family.  My husband has a brother and that's all he's got...he really doesn't have anything to do with his cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.

As a mom of soon-to-be THREE kids, I can tell you that my husband and I will not be taking them all with us all the time and I know they'll be left to play with each other more.  I try to have one-on-one time with each of my kids, but it's definitely not the same.

And I think ALL THE TIME, "Man, it would be so easy if we just had one!"

This 

I too am an only and while for a while when I was younger I thought I wanted a sibling, but I now look at it as I just wanted something that everyone else had not because I actually wanted it.  I also take into account my DH's relationship with his brothers and sisters, and it's awful no one talks to each other or likes each other.  I've realized that you can't guaranty your children will like each other or be close and as an only that's all I wanted someone to be close to, so instead I have great girl friends who substitute as sisters and I think it's better because they aren't family.  The only reason I'm waffling on having a second child is because DH would like one (sometimes) but I honestly am beginning to think my plan to be two and through was more about my own ideal family would look like and less what would be good for us.