Amanda!

hoping4more

Hey lady!

I have been lurking and following your story. I just wanted to send you hugs, and tell you that I admire you. Even after everything you are going through you are still such a ray of sunshine on this board. Someday we will get our babies... 

AmandaMacD

Awwww.  Thank you so much.  This board has been such a huge support system for me and I truly want everyone to feel as connected to the woman here and have as much hope that I have.

I miss you. You need to come back around more lovey.  How are you 2 little beauties doing? 

hoping4more

Yano, honestly I lurk here on and off but I find it hard to come here too. I do have my 2 girls but I still have that ache inside. I want to be pregnant again, I want a newborn again. Don't get me wrong my girls are great, and maybe I shouldn't be whining, but still...

I guess I find by being here but not doing treatments is even harder. It's like b y doing nothing I don't even have a shot. /sigh

I do however have a plan to hopefully get back in the game in a year or so. By then we will know if miss J is here to stay or not and will be about 2 when we start trying again. 

 How is your little sweetie? Is she excited for preschool? 

AmandaMacD

I can only imagine how full your hands are with your 2 sweeties.  Just because you aren't doing treatments, doesn't mean that you don't have the same feelings that those who are actively going through something right now. Your feelings are important and your yearning to be pregnant again is valid.

To be honest, I really don't know if/when I am going to start treatments again.  I feel like I lost over a year of my life planning/waiting for something that didn't happen.  I am so tired of putting my life on hold for a maybe.  As sad as I am that my last cycle didn't work, I am so glad to be on a break.  I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted and I am looking forward to enjoying the time I have as a family of 3, instead of being sad that our family isn't bigger.  Don't get me wrong, I am still going in for my WTF and getting a 2nd opinion, but I am on hiatus for a bit to regain my sanity. 

hoping4more

I am a busy-momma usually. It is hard in this journey as well cause there is so much unknown. Will we get to adopt our baby? Who knows. I wish something in this journey was easy, but nope it's not. 

I'm a bit saddened that I feel the way I do. For some strange reason I thought that by getting the baby we have the other feelings would just go away. I'm sad to say they definitely don't. I still feel like I failed and deprived DH of a bio child. Stupid, I know. 

I am truly sorry your IVF didn't work. I know what you mean about wasting time in your life. I look back to where I was just over 2 years ago. I gave up an opportunity I had to change my life back then to do IF treatments. I had to make the choice back then between that or IF treatments. I chose IF treatments and got no where. I now have this opportunity again and am going for it, but I wonder if I did it back then if things would be better. 

I also do not truly know when I will do treatments again either. When I quit in September I had no idea if I would ever do them again. Now 7 months later I know I will do them again. I just have to try again. I also know that I am not giving up this opportunity again, so I will do this before doing more treatments. I say I would like to try again in 1-1.5 years but I truly don't know. I just set that date to keep my mind focused on a goal.  

I know in September when I quit (after 2 years of trying/working with RE) I did not want a break. Looking back it was so very needed. I did not close that chapter in my life, but I really did need to step away from it. I think having a different goal to focus on really helped as well when we quit. I hope you will eventually look upon your break as a very good thing as well. I also hope you know I lurk around here and if you ever need to talk you can page me here or on adoption.