Telling your parents that you are TTC

LLeeD14

Hello ladies. I have been debating for a while now whether or not I should tell my parents, mainly my mother, that we are TTC. My mom drops hints all the time that she can't wait for her first grandchild. I know she will be excited if we tell her, but I am afraid that she will always be asking questions and if it doesn't happen soon then she will be worried.

What were your experiences with telling your mom that you are TTC and are you happy with that decision or do you wish you would have kept it between you and your DH? Thanks! 

 

kyandj

Im so happy you asked this because I have been wondering too! my mom can be a pryer for information and gossip so I was debating to tell them or not...

KristieM1985

I have not told my parents even though my mom and are are very close because of the same reasons that you just stated. Mostly I don't want her asking me about it all of the time and me getting more stressed out about it. But if this does end up taking a long time, I might have to cave and tell about it if I need someone other than my Dh to vent to. Right now this board is doing that trick for me though.

KellieJH

My mom knows, and that is it for people IRL. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and she kind of knows everything. My H was ok with it because he knows that I tell my mom everything. She doesn't ever bring it up unless I bring it up, but I don't plan on telling anyone else that we are TTC.

Temp878586125009588

DH and I never planned to tell our parents we were TTC. They found out after we announced I was pregnant. But since the m/c, they now know were are TTC. We never told them when we are officially going to start trying again, and we probably won't. But neither of our parents have asked us any questions since right after the m/c. And the only question was, when will you start trying again. Our answer was, We just don't know yet. And at the time, we really didn't know what our TTC plans were. But since then we've decided to keep it to ourselves. As exciting as it may be, DH and I decided that really TTC is just between the 2 of us and we don't want the chance of questions being asked all the time. That's JMO.

avee10

I'm not planning on telling them.  My mom has been dropping hints since before dh and I were even married.  she is the only one of her sisters that doesnt have a grandchild yet so she is dying for one.  If I told her we were TTC she would be asking me about it ALL the time and it would drive me crazy.  I rather just wait and tell her once I get a BFP.

tkbaby12

I've told both my mom & dad. I'm lucky that they don't pry too much. My mom has been very helpful and supportive, so I'm really happy with my decision!

AlaunaF

OMGosh I just posted on this topic the other day. I think it is a big mistake unless you can be sure she wont tell anybody else.

My DH was excited and told everybody... and now i feel this immense pressure and everyone keeps asking if I am pregnant yet and I am only on cycle 2!!!

I really feel the pressure already and it is driving me nuts. Wish we never would have said anything. 

I will say though that having my mom to talk to has been great... but she went and told my sisters who went and told their friends.... etc. the list goes on and I am trying to find a "believable" lie to get them all off my back!!

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keiral

hmmm... tough one!  I made the mistake of telling my sister and now I think she's more on top of my cycle than I am   She's excited, but it sucks when I have to tell her that I'm not pregnant yet.  She got pregnant twice, without trying.  I think telling family could be nice, if they are the type to kind of hang back.  If they are going to constantly be asking for updates, then it may not be worth it. 

Melgor78

I'm not going to tell my mom.  When I mentioned a few months back that we wanted kids her reaction was not what I had expected.  For someone she thought we weren't going to have any.  I thinks it's because of our age but I never once told her I didn't want kids.  So it's pretty tough not having her support.  Even if she was supportive I still wouldn't tell her, she had no problem with either of us and really doesn't understand how hard it can be.

alibuddha

I told my mom - she lives 1000+ miles away and was visiting recently. I'm getting older (30+) and my DH have been together for 8+ years (married 1.5) but people kept asking us - the usual question after you get married. Well, since my mom was visiting, she asked about it in a round about way, and I told her that we were trying but it was a lot harder than we thought but hopefully it will happen soon. She was happy to hear that but didn't make a big deal about it because I didn't make a big deal about...just a mention of it and that we're trying but nothing yet. So, I think she understood that it wasn't easy but we're not waiting another year or two.

My DH told his parents too (when I wasn't around) but they haven't mentioned anything since - that was 6 months ago. His father was recently visiting too for our nephew's birthday, and his real father was making a big deal about us having a baby - I wish my DH said something. I gave him the eye --- like please say something to get him off our backs because he won't let it down. I wish my DH would have said - We're trying....

IDK but I do think after a few months of TTC and nothing, maybe you should say something to the parents if you're trying. I'm glad I did!

HauntGirl23

We do not plan to tell our parents until we are past the first trimester.  We don't need the added stress of dealing with them.

SheenaNash1

Yeah, this would be a big NO for me. I've told some friends and thats about it, my parents can find out when I'm actually pregnant or if we are turning to medical procedures in the future. My parents aren't really ready to accept that they may be grandparents sometime soon and every time I've hinted at a baby in the future they say things like "Noooo! Give us five more years please!" So yeah, I won't be letting them rain on my TTC parade any time soon. And we won't tell DH's parents because his mom is crazy and would be emailing me nonstop about it, then I'd have to kill her.

brookelynpaisley

We didn't intend to tell parents. My mom had made a couple of comments indicating that she didn't think we needed kids yet, so I was content to let it be a surprise and let her stick her foot in her mouth. However, we did tell a couple of friends, and one of them asked a question in front of my MIL and I was tipsy and overshared (without coming right out and saying yes, we're TTC). Then MIL told my mom, and my mom confronted me. It's been interesting. They're mostly supportive and patient.However, neither my mom nor MIL ever had to TRY with any of the 5 babies they had between them, so they don't really get it. They ask questions that aren't always very sensitive - like MIL asked after 8 months of us TTC if we were just going to persue adoption. I get that they don't know, but I'm not always very patient when it's an emotional thing for me.

 

rsrs807

I haven't told my mom yet.  I keep thinking I'll surprise her with the news of my pregnancy and it will be great, but if we get close to the year mark I'll probably tell her for support.

vanillajen

We actually told my mom together when we were first thinking of starting to try (in Aug.). We have a great relationship with all our parents but especially my mom. I don't regret telling her at all because it's been invaluable to have someone so close to turn to when I'm frustrated or upset. I don't regret it at all! Now, my in-laws are starting to possibly figure out we're trying and I'd like to keep that a secret from them a little longer. They're great people but I feel like it'd create a lot of pressure for us.

funcop

Well, I think it depends on your relationship with your mom/parents and what you are looking to gain from telling them.  Are you looking for support if it takes longer than you think it will?  How do you think she will be if you tell her and she asks questions if it doesn't happen soon?  Would it stress you out too much?

 

When trying for DS, I had told my mom when it got to the year mark.  It wasn't really helpful for her to tell me it took a year for her to conceive me, or just have fun and relax, etc..  Although she would LOVE another grandchild, she isn't really on board with us trying for a sibling because she wants me to deal with my health issues, so I just don't tell her anything about it though she is aware we are trying.

closure17

We haven't told anyone. The plan is to keep it that way. I, personally, just couldn't deal with the questions if they came up later.

awillis13

We weren't telling people, but when we got a BFP around Christmas, we shared the news even though it was early (they would have figured it out by my beverage choices that weekend).  So now they know it's something we were excited about, but we don't talk about actively TTC.  I think they are feeling like we are in the "when it happens it happens" boat.

AlaunaF

brookelynpaisley:

We didn't intend to tell parents. My mom had made a couple of comments indicating that she didn't think we needed kids yet, so I was content to let it be a surprise and let her stick her foot in her mouth. However, we did tell a couple of friends, and one of them asked a question in front of my MIL and I was tipsy and overshared (without coming right out and saying yes, we're TTC). Then MIL told my mom, and my mom confronted me. It's been interesting. They're mostly supportive and patient.However, neither my mom nor MIL ever had to TRY with any of the 5 babies they had between them, so they don't really get it. They ask questions that aren't always very sensitive - like MIL asked after 8 months of us TTC if we were just going to persue adoption. I get that they don't know, but I'm not always very patient when it's an emotional thing for me.

 

Yuck that is just awful... and rude. This is exactly what I am afraid of now that everybody knows so early on in our TTC efforts. I am seriously considering telling anybody that asks me again that we decided to buy a leather sofa instead and hold off a little while longer.... BAHAHAHA

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moosegal

I told my mom last month after my GYN recommended I make an appt with an RE. She knows all the details of how long we've been trying, but I asked her not to bring it up every time we talk. Now that we're moving onto testing, I'm glad that I told her and can have another person to bounce things off of. She's good at giving reassuring advice, so that's nice also.

On the other hand, my DH is sworn to secrecy from his parents. His mom is such a blabber mouth, and I just really do not want to have to field questions from her about this whole process. 

LLeeD14

I guess it seems like it's better to wait it out till I get that BFP. I have always thought it would be fun and cute to surprise her with a gift when we do get our BFP! We do have a few friends that know we are TTC but they know to keep their mouths shut! lol Thank you everyone

BlueEyedDreamer

AlaunaF:

OMGosh I just posted on this topic the other day. I think it is a big mistake unless you can be sure she wont tell anybody else.

My DH was excited and told everybody... and now i feel this immense pressure and everyone keeps asking if I am pregnant yet and I am only on cycle 2!!!

I really feel the pressure already and it is driving me nuts. Wish we never would have said anything. 

I will say though that having my mom to talk to has been great... but she went and told my sisters who went and told their friends.... etc. the list goes on and I am trying to find a "believable" lie to get them all off my back!!

Alauna, your post the other day on this is what solidified my decision not to tell anyone IRL about us TTC. I'm sorry it turned into such a mess for you!  

Amomtomanyluvs

We are keeping it between us for now. With everything we have gone through and continue to go through our families might think we are taking on too much. But we know what we can and cannot handle, so it is between us. 

Also family on my moms side did not event think I should have had my first daughter let alone any children after that.... 

I am Marla Singer

I honestly never wanted any of our parents to know that we were trying, but 3 of the 4 sets know now. They also know we have had some troubles. I am sad that I am going to miss out on that surprise for them. They will be anxiously waiting now- instead of blissfully unaware that we were even trying.

It was hard because we didn't have much money to pursue treatments, so when I finally broke down to my mom, she took it to heart and told me not to worry about money- that I have enough to worry about in just getting KU in the first place! It was floored and it was great that she is so supportive!!!

My dad and his wife are quietly waiting. They don't want to pry- so they asked my BFF how it was going. Which is okay with me- cuz it is an awkward conversation to have.

 

aWm2010

My parents know, but I wish I wouldn't have told ANYONE!  They are always asking and I just wish I wouldn't have said anything and then someday, BOOM.. SURPRISE!!!

OceanPearl2

This is a hard one. We are not telling anyone.

My MIL already has girl baby clothes hanging in closets in her house, and I'm married to the only one of her three sons who is married. In random conversation she tells me she wants a 'girl' baby, and suggests names. If I have my way she won't be told until it's already delivered and named.

My mother as close as we are I don't think the added stress would be good, so I haven't said anything. She knows I've always said after I turned 30, so she's not expecting it anytime before.

I guess it depends on if the questions will cause large amounts of stress?

ccam

I kind of slipped and told my Mom that we were TTC pretty early in the game, although I'm sure she assumed we either were or would be soon anyway.  At first, she was asking me questions all the time, right around when I would be expecting AF.  After a couple times, I told her flat out that when it happens, we will let you know.  Since then, she has stopped asking and let it be (although, I know she has been texting DH back and forth, but whatever). 

Now that we're approaching a year, it's been nice that my Mom knows.  She is a nurse and it's always helpful to have an extra opinion, especially since we're starting to deal with RE appointments and such. 

On the other hand, we have not told DH's parents anything.  They can not keep anything quiet.  I think it all depends on the relationship you have with your parents.

emmb52408

we were not going to tell our parents... but i broke down and told my mom...

i was so optomistic and "feeling" pregnant... we were at my parents house for the weekend and out of the blue AF showed her ugly face. I was of course very upset, and i couldnt keep it from her when shes started asking if i was ok?, did she do somethign to upset me? ...

I just explained to her the we are ttc and its taking longer than expected.. that this wasnt info we were sharing and we dont need any added pressure... she understood completely and hasnt asked about it since.

sometimes i just love my mom SO much!

Bubbalub

We haven't discussed whether we will tell anyone. Probably, though, because I have a huge mouth and tell everyone everything anyway. :P I have talked to both my mom and my MIL (who is like a second mom to me, I love her!) about their experiences TTC and being pregnant. They know we will hopefully be starting to TTC later this year.

One thing that helps, though, is that both my mom and MIL are amazingly thoughtful women and are determined not to pry into our lives or make us feel pressured in any way to do anything before we are ready. They are both very careful to let us know that they support us and our decisions and, while they will be ecstatic to have grandkids, they understand that it is OUR decision when we start. 

My mom's best friend is the complete opposite, though. She used to nag me about getting married (H were together 8 years already when we got married), she nags my sister about dating and getting married, and now she is nagging me about having kids. She totally embarrassed my mom at a bridal shower this last weekend by blurting out to me that my mom REALLY wants grandkids and that I better get on that and give them to her. My mom looked mortified.

 

 

andy71781

HI BUBBALUB!

moosebaby2011

AlaunaF:

OMGosh I just posted on this topic the other day. I think it is a big mistake unless you can be sure she wont tell anybody else.

My DH was excited and told everybody... and now i feel this immense pressure and everyone keeps asking if I am pregnant yet and I am only on cycle 2!!!

I really feel the pressure already and it is driving me nuts. Wish we never would have said anything. 

I will say though that having my mom to talk to has been great... but she went and told my sisters who went and told their friends.... etc. the list goes on and I am trying to find a "believable" lie to get them all off my back!!

I agree with this.  DH and I were trying to keep it to ourselves, however, I decided not to drink while TTC and my mother and sister noticed and asked me point blank.  I'm bad at lying.  I told them we were keeping it to ourselves.  As it happens, my mom, DH, and I all work for the same doctor (it's really not as bad as it sounds) and my mom decided to tell my coworkers!  I was so mad!  Now everyone at work (my boss included) keeps asking me if I'm pregnant yet.  It's exactly what I was trying to avoid, so unless you are 100% sure that your family will respect your wishes I would keep it between you and your DH.

AlaunaF

BlueEyedDreamer:

AlaunaF:

OMGosh I just posted on this topic the other day. I think it is a big mistake unless you can be sure she wont tell anybody else.

My DH was excited and told everybody... and now i feel this immense pressure and everyone keeps asking if I am pregnant yet and I am only on cycle 2!!!

I really feel the pressure already and it is driving me nuts. Wish we never would have said anything. 

I will say though that having my mom to talk to has been great... but she went and told my sisters who went and told their friends.... etc. the list goes on and I am trying to find a "believable" lie to get them all off my back!!

Alauna, your post the other day on this is what solidified my decision not to tell anyone IRL about us TTC. I'm sorry it turned into such a mess for you!  

Glad I could help by sharing my mistake... but just do what feels right for you and GL ?

Ramby

My parents are roughly the same age, were married young, and waited to have kids until they were married for a couple years.

By the time I got married I was a few years older than my mother was when she got married, and my husband is ~ 5 years older than me.  I casually was talking about maybe wanting to TTC a few months after we got married last year and she told me 'oh no! way too soon, you need to enjoy being married'.

That being said, I have decided not to tell her because a) my OBGYN told me I was going to have a hard time TTC even back at my first visit when I was 18 (don't want her to get excited if it doesn't happen for us) AND b) I don't need to feel bad about having a child with my husband, when we are TTC and really excited about it - even though I know she will be thrilled once the grandbaby is here one day

I guess it depends on you and your parents - but personally, I don't want to have to update anyone but my husband, esp. when we are having a difficult time.

Bubbalub

HI ANDY!

I totally wasn't expecting to see you over here! Yay!

 

missesBAD

Well, everyone I know is aware of the fact that we want to have babies because at our wedding ceremony (8 weeks ago) as we were saying our first prayer as a married couple I prayed for god to bless us with 'a lot of fertility". Yeah, I have a huge mouth. But I also have always been baby crazy so I think most of my family and friends assumed we would start trying right away.

That being said, I haven't really spoken about TTC with anyone except my BFF. That is part of the reason I am on this board, it's an excellent outlet for my excitement!

My mom and I are very close and I usually tell her everything, but I am trying to keep this on the DL. She thinks I want to wait til this summer to start trying. My parents are dying for grandchildren so my fantasy is to get KU right away and kind of surprise them. I kind of blew it last month thought went AF came and she called and I was crying like a stupid little baby. Ugh. Big girl panties, where are you?!

AlaunaF

christinesb19:

AlaunaF:

OMGosh I just posted on this topic the other day. I think it is a big mistake unless you can be sure she wont tell anybody else.

My DH was excited and told everybody... and now i feel this immense pressure and everyone keeps asking if I am pregnant yet and I am only on cycle 2!!!

I really feel the pressure already and it is driving me nuts. Wish we never would have said anything. 

I will say though that having my mom to talk to has been great... but she went and told my sisters who went and told their friends.... etc. the list goes on and I am trying to find a "believable" lie to get them all off my back!!

I agree with this.  DH and I were trying to keep it to ourselves, however, I decided not to drink while TTC and my mother and sister noticed and asked me point blank.  I'm bad at lying.  I told them we were keeping it to ourselves.  As it happens, my mom, DH, and I all work for the same doctor (it's really not as bad as it sounds) and my mom decided to tell my coworkers!  I was so mad!  Now everyone at work (my boss included) keeps asking me if I'm pregnant yet.  It's exactly what I was trying to avoid, so unless you are 100% sure that your family will respect your wishes I would keep it between you and your DH.

 

I also work with my family. Mom, Dad, Uncle, FIL, and DH all work together... thanks be to GOD that nobody else here has mentioned anything to me yet. If i found out that my coworkers knew about it and I wasn't close to them, then i would seriously consider stopping TTC for real bc that would be WAY too much stress on me.

You might try telling everybody to mind their own business... in as nice a way as you can. GL! I will keep you in my T&P.

mego36

Our parents know that we are trying. ?We didn't have a conversation about it, but they all knew that as soon as we were married that we would be trying.

My mom tells me to relax and that it will happen, yet she reminded me again this morning that everyone that we know that is having babies this year is having girls and how much she would love to dress up her granddaughter (Little does she realize that w/ AF showing up last week that we are out for 2011). ? I know that she isn't trying to pressure me, but it feels that way when it just isn't happening.

My father in law told me that he keeps an eye out to see if I'm drinking at family parties because he can't wait for a grandchild. ?I now make sure to have anything alcoholic when I'm there just so that I can assure him that I'm not pregnant yet.

I don't regret that they know because I know that they are just as excited for it as we are, but I do feel a little bit of pressure to come through for them.?

taurus424

i am not telling a single soul...only DH and myself with know!