Those of you who have m/c'd...

Jamaica_Bride

Have you *gotten over it*?

I don't dwell on it too too much but on nights like these (boys are asleep and MH is traveling), when the house is quiet I think about it. I think it really eff'd with my head. I did talk to someone after it happened but now years later I stop and think of the daughter I should have.

I am beyond blessed that I have both boys and I rebounded from the chemo so well but it wrecked me.

I know I should be over the moon thankful (and I am) but I cannot hel to think of the what ifs.

I don't talk to MH about it too much- it's just too hard. He lost a baby too and almost lost me.

Gah, sorry, just having a pity party.

r9stedt

((hugs))

firefightersgal

My m/c was October 14, 2009.  I'm not over it yet.  I don't cry about it very often anymore, but I think about the baby we lost almost every day.  We should be celebrating our baby's first birthday next month, but unfortunately we will not.

Marchmamma

I don't think I'll ever "get over it"  It is part of who I am now.  I also like to think my angel baby is alway around and sometimes when the girls are sleeping and they laugh, maybe, just maybe they are meeting in their dreams.

justEK

(((HUGS)))

I am so sorry for your loss. I didn't know you were sick through it all. It's okay to still mourn for your daughter.

Jamaica_Bride

Marchmamma:

I don't think I'll ever "get over it"  It is part of who I am now.  I also like to think my angel baby is alway around and sometimes when the girls are sleeping and they laugh, maybe, just maybe they are meeting in their dreams.

That. Made me ugly cry.

Kapalua

I don't think you ever really get over it.  I don't dwell on it really.  I do think about how old those babies would be now.  But, if one of those babies was here I wouldn't have the babies I DO have and I love those little goobers too much to imagine them not being here. 

I think your situation was particularly traumatizing-I can see where it would stay with you. ((hugs))

goodheartedmommy

I had no idea you went through so much. ((hugs))

DandelionMom

I don't expect I'll ever get over it.  It has been over 8 years but it still creeps up on me every now and then. 

(((hugs)))

BubblyToes

I did not have a miscarriage, so I would never, ever dare to compare my pain to that, but I did lose two beautiful, perfect embryos that by every statistical account should have been bebehs.  And I am still not over it.  I definitely almost lost myself completely.

(((HUGS))) and bewb squishes girl. 

xoxo

Cbidt's girl

I am apparently a cold hearted biotch. I m/c early on, I'll never forget about it, but I'm not saddened. I imagine if it was later on it would be different.

shouldbworkin

yah, it comes back to bite ya here and there.  I don't think about it on a daily basis and I'm "over it," but some days something makes me think about them again and I do get down.  m/c anniversaries and EDDs are no fun either. =(

Jamaica_Bride

Dande- you're totally right, it creeps up on me.

 

 

jettagurl

goodheartedmommy:

I had no idea you went through so much. ((hugs))

This.  I wasn't around much then, so I missed all that. 

I had one before Ben, but if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have Ben (I had my m/c at 12 weeks, but got pg again 2 cycles later).  So, I don't dwell on it because of the 'everything happens for a reason' and I couldn't imagine life differently.

Hugs to you.  I do think it's perfectly ok and normal to have these moments.

 

justEK

Jamaica_Bride:

Marchmamma:

I don't think I'll ever "get over it"  It is part of who I am now.  I also like to think my angel baby is alway around and sometimes when the girls are sleeping and they laugh, maybe, just maybe they are meeting in their dreams.

That. Made me ugly cry.

OMG, me too.

(((HUGS))) to all of you!

Cbidt's girl

BubblyToes:

I did not have a miscarriage, so I would never, ever dare to compare my pain to that, but I did lose two beautiful, perfect embryos that by every statistical account should have been bebehs.  And I am still not over it.  I definitely almost lost myself completely.

(((HUGS))) and bewb squishes girl. 

xoxo

actually bubs - i'd say your loss was greater than mine. I say this because I watched my sister go through ivf 4 times. Her losing embies was just as hard as me losing my naturally implanted embie, harder really. You girls worked really hard for that shot. I was lucky enough to be able to get pregnant again.

Yodajo

((hugs))

I can go a long time without thinking about it and then there it is.  I can feel the same sadness I felt the day they happened.

firefightersgal

I want to add that if we are able to have another baby, either biologically or through adoption, I think the intensity of pain will be lessoned.  However, I will never, ever forget the baby we lost.  We tried so hard to get pregnant with him/her and are still trying...it hurts an awful lot.

mamarazzi

Mine was an early loss, but it still wrecked me.  I definitely still think about that baby and wonder why.

I don't know the specifics of your circumstances, but from the basics and knowing how much my early loss affected me, I know that baby would be on my mind a lot.

I think the hardest part of miscarrying (other than not having a baby, obviously) is that there seems to be some sort of stigma surrounding it that makes it really hard to talk about.  And, as mothers, we need to be able to talk about our children -- whether they got to be part of this earth or not.  I almost felt "ashamed" to talk to people about it.  It made them uncomfortable and they said ridiculous things and I just needed support.  Most people never knew I was pregnant, so I felt like I couldn't talk about my miscarriage.  I knew no one IRL who'd lost a pregnancy, so I felt like I couldn't talk about it to anyone.

And, Bubbs -- you have every right to mourn the loss of your babies. 

dnagal

I planted a rose bush for my lost little one.  I feel like that little life is still blooming.

JenniC1135

I had a missed m/c at 12 weeks (baby stopped at 10) before I got pregnant with the twins.  It was after 2 years of ttc and 1 round of IVF.  At the time, I was beyond devastated and everyone around me feared for my long term sanity.  But I got back on the IVF train and got pregnant with the twins just a few months later, and now I look at them and can't imagine life without them.  I've def. moved past it and yeah, I would say I am over it, because it doesn't make me cry or even feel weepy.  I feel guilty about that sometimes, because I do know women who still feel the pain years later around the time of the m/c, or the due date.  And I don't feel that pain.  I remember how bad it was, and it gives me a certain empathy when others go through a m/c, but I don't mourn the child I lost, I don;t think.

MelandJeff

I love you

Billy Boy

sending you hugs...

 

i have had a miscarriage, at 17 1/2 weeks. it was really tough.  my situation is different from yours of course.  we got pregnant a couple months later and now have an eight month old daughter.  it's really hard to think about what could have been.  somehow i know there was a reason for it, though, but i'm sure i'll never know it. i hope your boys will make you smile soon :-)

 

www.mommieswithoutmommies.com

Marchmamma

Jamaica_Bride:

Marchmamma:

I don't think I'll ever "get over it"  It is part of who I am now.  I also like to think my angel baby is alway around and sometimes when the girls are sleeping and they laugh, maybe, just maybe they are meeting in their dreams.

That. Made me ugly cry.

I'm sorry, didn't mean to make you cry:(

Susie2005

I think of my lost babies frequently. As someone else said, if I had those babies I wouldn't have the ones I got.  That's hard to imagine.  But it definitely sneaks up on you when you least expect it.  I planted tulip bulbs in the yard after each mc and each spring when they bloom I get sad, but then I see my two munchkins running around the yeard and feel like it was all meant to be.

 

BubblyToes

Marchmamma:

Jamaica_Bride:

Marchmamma:

I don't think I'll ever "get over it"  It is part of who I am now.  I also like to think my angel baby is alway around and sometimes when the girls are sleeping and they laugh, maybe, just maybe they are meeting in their dreams.

That. Made me ugly cry.

I'm sorry, didn't mean to make you cry:(

This is beautiful.  Seriously.  And yeah, ugly tears, but beautiful thought.

KoriBrett

Cbidt's girl:

I am apparently a cold hearted biotch. I m/c early on, I'll never forget about it, but I'm not saddened. I imagine if it was later on it would be different.

this. ?I had basically a chemical pg.

cnybride2be

from my experience, i can never totally erase the hope and love i had for them, and so the sense of loss does come back.  dande nailed it with the creeping up on you. (when someone else exp. this pain nothing brings me there faster, though)

and for me, acknowledging the love i felt and lost brings me peace in my m/cs.

((big hugs)) on this quiet night that has you thinking. 

femmegem

I also don't think about it much. What makes it real to me is thinking that that was our little girl... It was early, so I don't know for sure it was a girl, but I had a very strong gut feeling from the moment I found out. As others said, if I had had that baby I wouldn't have N, so I feel at peace with it the majority of the time.

tammy79

So sorry for your lost, although I don't think about mine a lot,but I will never get over it, around the holidays are very hard for me, we also have a little angel ornament that we put on out tree every year, and I always breakdown every time I put it on and take it off the tree ;(.

Jodi&Joe

Honestly, I don't think your situation (from what I know of it) is your "standard" m/c.  I have had two m/c.  They barely affect me.  That said, they DID affect me at that time.  But they have since been "replaced" (if that makes sense).  I had one before Joey - and then had Joey.  I had one before Cam - and then had Cam.

So I think it's easier for me, in some respects, since I have the family I want.  Say, for example, I wasn't able to have Cam after that m/c.  I'd be in a padded cell by now. 

But overall, I'm with the PP (you know, the cold hearted one! LOL) when it comes to this topic.  I know the pain.  I can certainly sympathize with it -- but I don't think of it often, at all. 

AnneUCSB

I think about my three little angels from time to time.  One in particular (that I know was a girl) is particularly hard for me.  DH and I made a huge emotional (and financial) investment into conceiving a little girl back in November 2008 and we were over the moon when we found out we were expecting her.  In Jan 2009, I felt gutted at the loss of my baby and my dreams.  I still cry about it.  I do try to focus on the fact that I wouldn't have my precious Ryan if she had come into my life, but the grief is still quite raw. 

HUGS to you.  I am so sorry for all you have been through.