Can I cry, please?? (NBR)

MommaEm

I normally don't vent, but I am in tears..I can't think right now. I just got served papers because my XH is trying to get primary custody of DS!.. WHAT THE EFF?!?! My heart is breaking, my mind is going crazy with the what ifs, I really don't know what to do...what if for some reason XH gets custody of him and I only get to see him weekends? MY baby boy, the one that grew in my stomach for 9 months, the one I was in labor for 13 hours without drugs with, my baby who I watched in the NICU and have stayed at home for 4 years to be with...Why would he do this? I am so beyond upset..I don't know what to do, I'm sick over this.

christinaeve

Oh my goodness.  I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel because I don't.  I can just understand that your heart must be breaking right now!  (((HUGS)))  Did he get remarried or something and that's why he's trying this?  Try to have confidence.  He could have at least warned you this was going to happen.  

Bailey81

I am so, so sorry you're going through this. 

rg8482

I have no advice for you since I don't know of anyone in this situation, but I'm so sorry to hear this.

I hope that he is not able to do this.

Is there any reason why he came out of the blue with wanting custody over your DS?

LordValuemart

Yes you can cry sweety, I think all of us can understand, I can't imagine how I would feel in that situation. I hope all goes in your favor, AFAIK, a judge usually won't rule in his favor unless it can be proven that you and your current H are unfit parents, the most he would probably be able to get is increased visitation or something of the sort.

theprincessPAT

**hugs**

MommaEm

rg8482:

I have no advice for you since I don't know of anyone in this situation, but I'm so sorry to hear this.

I hope that he is not able to do this.

Is there any reason why he came out of the blue with wanting custody over your DS?

He's wanted custody of him since he got engaged last year. I don't understand why, everyone has told me since he started saying he wanted him that theres no reason to be scared, I am a good mom and all this stuff, but why wouldn't i be scared?? I'm heartbroken..I don't know what to do..

2mom74

I went through this about 10 yrs ago with DS#1. If your XH hired an attorney, they usually tell them to file for sole custody to show that they are serious about parenthood, but in my case my XH was doing it all for "face". He didn't want custody. He just wanted to irritate me and put me in a tailspin of emotions.

The best advice I can give you (or at least what I did) is to hire an attorney. I checked with the courts and they had a referral service for attorneys that would only charge a percent of what they usually charge to help you with advice and help to file paperwork. It made me feel more confident in dealing with the situation with facts vs emotion (which is easier said than done, I know).

He also might be trying to do this so his child support will be reduced, you just never know.

GL and stay strong! 

wife1014

Oh goodness, I am so sorry you have to go through this.  Sending you big hugs and lots of good thoughts!

MommaEm

Thank you ladies, it's nice to have some support. I feel so lost right now. so hurt.

(Also, I may Delete this, but I had to get it off my chest and you ladies are the best when it comes to cheering up!)

srthomas88

I am so sorry you are going through this, I don't know what to say but I hope for the best for you.

Shamlet123

2mom74:

He also might be trying to do this so his child support will be reduced, you just never know.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I have no experience with this, but watched my parents go through it and sometimes it's just an act they put on for the sake of the judge. Sad but true.

If he's getting re-married I seriously doubt that the new wife wants to raise your DS. She just doesn't want your ex's money to go to the kids.

CherryStarburst

Oh my .gosh Em, I'm so sorry!!!

HairStylinWifey

I'm so, so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you can get this resolved quickly

Kitiara5512

Oh, wow, I am so sorry. I hope he is denied. Lots of hugs, you will make it through this and we will be here for you.

jenna3016

What sort of relationship does your son have with his father?  Do you have sole custody?  Is the father willing to negotiate out of court? 

Please retain a family lawyer to help you.  

MommaEm

jenna3016:

What sort of relationship does your son have with his father?  Do you have sole custody?  Is the father willing to negotiate out of court? 

Please retain a family lawyer to help you.  

We have 50/50 Custody now,when we got divorced this was agreed on because XH never wanted to take J so I had him 90% of the time. Once he turned 3 he was able to go to daycare for free when XH worked so I let him because it was good for him to be able to interact with other kids, his dad is a great dad. but I don't want him to have primary custody of J. He is not willing to do anything out of court, we've tried.

We are in the process of finding a lawyer now, I will be contacting one tomorrow, I am so upset.

AverysMom1118

I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't know how it is in ME but I know that in NC it is next to impossible to get custody taken away from the mother. My husbands ex-wife was an alcoholic and was very neglectful so my husband tried to fight for custody. He had tape recordings of his ex screaming at their 2 year old daughter, calling her a fvcking b!tch and a waste of space, and pretty much going nuts and they still didn't give him custody. He had to pay her a bunch of money for her to agree to sign over her rights. It's still awful that you have to go through this, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. You are a wonderful mother.

SarahWaggy

I am so sorry you have to go through this honey. Take a deep breath. Most mothers have a more then good chance of keeping custody of their children. Just talk to a lawyer and don't do anything rash.

JaimeCH

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry you are going through this! I think PPs have good advice to retain a lawyer. It seems to me that most judges would not decide to give one parent sole custody unless there was a glaring reason for it - especially to the father. As hard as it may be, try not to dwell on what could possibly happen, but keep faith that your good track record as a mother and provider will be all that is necessary. Seems like there are some ulterior motives from XH though.

jenna3016

MommaEm:

jenna3016:

What sort of relationship does your son have with his father?  Do you have sole custody?  Is the father willing to negotiate out of court? 

Please retain a family lawyer to help you.  

We have 50/50 Custody now,when we got divorced this was agreed on because XH never wanted to take J so I had him 90% of the time. Once he turned 3 he was able to go to daycare for free when XH worked so I let him because it was good for him to be able to interact with other kids, his dad is a great dad. but I don't want him to have primary custody of J. He is not willing to do anything out of court, we've tried.

We are in the process of finding a lawyer now, I will be contacting one tomorrow, I am so upset.

 

Sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately, lawyers can be expensive.  I hope this issue is resolved quickly, and in your favor.

ValentineBB

I agree with all PP's.  You might also want to try the single parents board, those ladies usually are a wealth of information.

Good luck!