Heard the HB on the doppler last night...

dana316

I waited until last night to try to find it, because I didn't want to freak if I couldn't find it.  It only took about 5 minutes, and there it was, strong and steady.

Honestly, I was kind of shocked.  I keep expecting something to happen...this pregnancy just feels so different than my pregnancy with Caroline.  With her, I just knew that she was a girl, and that I was going to come home with a happy, healthy baby.  I feel no such certainty with this baby. 

This baby feels fragile to me for some reason.  I don't know if it was all the bleeding I had, or the fact that we concieved without help or what.  I've had almost the same number of ultrasounds as I did with Caroline...and every single time, baby has looked great. 

I don't know what my problem is...but honestly, I can't even start feeling attached to this baby.  It doesn't feel remotely real yet...and I hope that it starts to soon.  I don't like this feeling.  I want to be attached to this baby...and feel like I felt when I was pregnant with my sweet Caroline.

Anway...not sure why I posted all that...but there it is nonetheless...

 

mrsolsenk12

glad you found the h/b. I am sure that attachment will come with time. Maybe it won't come until the baby arrives but it will happen.

SeaSoul

Great that you heard the h/b!  That's reassuring!  I bet the fact that you conceived naturally has a lot to do w/ feeling that the pregnancy & baby are fragile.  I know I would.  Hopefully at your next u/s you'll be assured that all is well.

howleyshell

If it helps any I didn't feel attached to Jace during pregnancy at all.

I think I shared a lot of your same experiences - bleeding, no medical assistance, there was just no way it could actually result in a baby, right?  I'd been conditioned by IF to expect the other shoe to drop.

I would feel him kick and think "oh yeah.... you're in there.  Hi little one!"  and then be back about my busy day chasing a toddler.

I honestly think 2nd pregnancies in general are so different from first children.  You're BUSY!  You've got another child that keeps you emotionally, mentally and physically occupied.  Your energy goes to the one that needs you on the outside because the one on the inside doesn't need anything from you other than for you to eat and rest.

With a first child you've got lots of time to sit around and wonder at the miracle that's growing inside of you.  With the 2nd you're lucky to have 2 seconds in a day to sit and catch your breath and even then chances are you're thinking about all the things you SHOULD be doing while you're taking a tiny time out for yourself. 

I went to my c-section bawling thinking about Dylan and not thinking much about the baby I was about to have in a few hours at all.

It all changed once I held him.

Hang in there.  You will bond with this baby.   

marcuej

howleyshell:

If it helps any I didn't feel attached to Jace during pregnancy at all.

I think I shared a lot of your same experiences - bleeding, no medical assistance, there was just no way it could actually result in a baby, right?  I'd been conditioned by IF to expect the other shoe to drop.

I would feel him kick and think "oh yeah.... you're in there.  Hi little one!"  and then be back about my busy day chasing a toddler.

I honestly think 2nd pregnancies in general are so different from first children.  You're BUSY!  You've got another child that keeps you emotionally, mentally and physically occupied.  Your energy goes to the one that needs you on the outside because the one on the inside doesn't need anything from you other than for you to eat and rest.

With a first child you've got lots of time to sit around and wonder at the miracle that's growing inside of you.  With the 2nd you're lucky to have 2 seconds in a day to sit and catch your breath and even then chances are you're thinking about all the things you SHOULD be doing while you're taking a tiny time out for yourself. 

I went to my c-section bawling thinking about Dylan and not thinking much about the baby I was about to have in a few hours at all.

It all changed once I held him.

Hang in there.  You will bond with this baby.   

I have to 2nd everything Howley said above.  I so wanted my 2nd pregnancy to be as magical as my first.  I felt guilty and conflicted that it never was the same.  My entire attention was focused on my baby on the outside and not on the baby inside.  I was really worried I wasn't going to love the new baby as much as Stella and that I wouldn't be able to bond with her as well as I did with Stella.  

While the 2nd pregnancy wasn't nearly the same, the love and joy is very much the same.  I felt the same incredible feelings the second time I gave birth as I did the first.  My heart opened up so big once Hadley came out!  I never knew I had that much love inside me.  You will feel the same way!

duke'sgirl

marcuej:

howleyshell:

If it helps any I didn't feel attached to Jace during pregnancy at all.

I think I shared a lot of your same experiences - bleeding, no medical assistance, there was just no way it could actually result in a baby, right?  I'd been conditioned by IF to expect the other shoe to drop.

I would feel him kick and think "oh yeah.... you're in there.  Hi little one!"  and then be back about my busy day chasing a toddler.

I honestly think 2nd pregnancies in general are so different from first children.  You're BUSY!  You've got another child that keeps you emotionally, mentally and physically occupied.  Your energy goes to the one that needs you on the outside because the one on the inside doesn't need anything from you other than for you to eat and rest.

With a first child you've got lots of time to sit around and wonder at the miracle that's growing inside of you.  With the 2nd you're lucky to have 2 seconds in a day to sit and catch your breath and even then chances are you're thinking about all the things you SHOULD be doing while you're taking a tiny time out for yourself. 

I went to my c-section bawling thinking about Dylan and not thinking much about the baby I was about to have in a few hours at all.

It all changed once I held him.

Hang in there.  You will bond with this baby.   

I have to 2nd everything Howley said above.  I so wanted my 2nd pregnancy to be as magical as my first.  I felt guilty and conflicted that it never was the same.  My entire attention was focused on my baby on the outside and not on the baby inside.  I was really worried I wasn't going to love the new baby as much as Stella and that I wouldn't be able to bond with her as well as I did with Stella.  

While the 2nd pregnancy wasn't nearly the same, the love and joy is very much the same.  I felt the same incredible feelings the second time I gave birth as I did the first.  My heart opened up so big once Hadley came out!  I never knew I had that much love inside me.  You will feel the same way!

Ditto both of these ladies. I have felt very unattached to this pregnancy as well, and while being busy is the main thing, I also just have this "well, when is the bad going to come?!" feeling. I hate it. It's gotten better now that I'm further along, but up until recently, I didn't even like to think about the baby in the belly b/c I just felt it wasn't going to be there much longer. Morbid, but I think that IF can really screw with one's head!