If you have/had 2 u 2, come in please

thethomps

So...DH and I are talking about TTC again toward the middle - end of this year (due to a lot of factors, including my age and the fact that pregnancy was not the easiest for me), which means we could potentially have 2 under 2.  How did you survive?  Was it complete madness for a while?  Do you like the fact that your kiddos are so close in age?  Any other pros/cons that you want to mention are appreciated.  I guess I just need some reassurance that it is doable and that we can get through it with a decent amount of our sanity intact.  V has not been an easy child so I guess I'll be praying like mad that the next one is a little easier/laid back. 

2H2L

We love it! It was hard at first, for sure, especially since I BF. You can't just keep setting down a nursing newborn to chase after your getting-into-everything toddler. So, things take longer, you feel pulled in several directions, etc. The house was definitely messier than we wouldve liked. We were zombies for quite a while. But, it passed. Now, they're both sttn and we're all done with those sleepless newborn days. The girls are really talking to each other and playing together and it's fun to watch. I think it was easier to have Nove while Ocho was little so she adjusted to the addition without too much disturbance. I'm sure as far as she can remember, Nove has always been here. we didn't have to pack and unpack handmedowns and gear, but that's not a big deal anyway. We mostly like that we got the baby days under our belt early on. Now, we can get out and do more things together. The girls are on more similar schedules than an older child and baby would be. I'm rambling, but while it is hard at first, it gets better and is definitely doable and fun.

userdeleted

I did 2u2 (though it was closer to 2u1, lol!). I will say that it's a lot easier now that they are older, but it was really tough at first. It was probably different for me just because Leo was so young - only 13 months - when Charlie was born, but I will never purposely do that to myself again. It was like having two babies at the same time, because really a 1 year old still is a baby, in need of constant attention and supervision. Now that Leo is 2.5 I think of how much easier it would have been to have another newborn with him at this age rather than over a year earlier.

Now, all negatively aside (sorry!), there are positives, especially now. I think the main plus has been that they really are starting to be very close and play together. It's really sweet to watch them like that, and I think that they will appreciate being close in age as they get older. We can do a lot of stuff all together, without having to worry about entertaining a much older child and a young baby at the same time. It's a lot of fun...now.

I won't say "don't do it!" because I think that is a decision for every family to make on their own, AND, I really do think it'd be very different with an 18 month old vs a 13 month old, but I will say to expect things to be tough at first. If you can push through the first year or so though, it's not so bad after

2H2L

ETA: no way could I have survived without J. He is very hands on and involved with every aspect of the girls. He got up and helped with the night changings and feedings for both girls. If your H isn't as hands on, I could see it being much harder.

misjenn

Ours are 18 months apart, the beginning is incredibly difficult. You aren't getting sleep but still have to function. Emma has always been pretty self sufficient (for her age) but it really got easier once Emma was potty trained and a lot more independent. If we have another one we have purposefully spaced them further out. I do have to say that they play well together and love on each other a lot so I know they will grow up being close friends, and that is absolutely worth all the difficulty of the first year.

Temp13436125005166

My kids are 20 months apart.  Megan has always been more high needs, Ryan is really pretty easy going but he was colicky for ~2 months, and then he never took a bottle but now he's really easy going ;-)

How did you survive?  
Honestly going back to work probably helped me a lot the second time around!  Although I'm sure if I was a SAHM then playdates and friends would have been my sanity :-)   

Was it complete madness for a while?  
Yeah it was.  Megan had a tough time adjusting to Ryan, she didn't want to share me.  Then Ryan got colic so our only peaceful time, i.e. evenings was not so peaceful.  I remember just crying on the couch because I just want to nurse and snuggle Ryan and he just cried non-stop.  Then the colic went away around when I went back to work.  Ryan wouldn't take a bottle, so I came home from work and had Ryan on the boob from like 6pm til 10pm!  Then Megan broke her leg :-(  So really it wasn't just 2u2 that made it crazy some of it was just our year!

Do you like the fact that your kiddos are so close in age?  
Yes, yes love it!  I love how they play together.  They can play with a lot of the same toys too and like to go to the same places.

Any other pros/cons that you want to mention are appreciated.  
I think I underestimated how tough it was going to be at first.  Thinking back I just didn't realize how little time I would get to myself and how that effected my sanity! :-)  I wish I had done a better job to carve out some real me time and make that a priority, there was just so much going on I just kept putting it off.

I guess I just need some reassurance that it is doable and that we can get through it with a decent amount of our sanity intact.  
Yes definitely possible! :-)

Kim777

It was hard in the beginning. Nursing was tough. I had to be sure Rhett was occupied and that often meant tv. Sleep deprivation was insane, but I had twins so that is a whole different ballgame! I would say the first 6 months were the toughest. Then they started interacting more and more over time. Now it is fantastic. They love each other, they play well together and they generally just pick on each other in large groups instead of other kids. I truly wouldn't change a thing.

BLONDIE6FT

thanks for asking this!! i'm gonna bookmark and read when i have more time. we will have 2 under 2 in august and taylor was not an easy baby at all. she is still challenging, but i've relaxed a bit.

i keep thinking the next should be easy cuz the first wasn't. right? RIGHT??

userdeleted

BLONDIE6FT:

thanks for asking this!! i'm gonna bookmark and read when i have more time. we will have 2 under 2 in august and taylor was not an easy baby at all. she is still challenging, but i've relaxed a bit.

i keep thinking the next should be easy cuz the first wasn't. right? RIGHT??

That actually worked out pretty well for me! Leo was the most difficult newborn ever and Charlie was pretty easy. 

However, not sure if you're experiencing this, but my difficult newborn turned into a pretty calm and easy going toddler, while my easy baby goes through life of some kind of baby version of crack. So there's that

thethomps

BLONDIE6FT:

thanks for asking this!! i'm gonna bookmark and read when i have more time. we will have 2 under 2 in august and taylor was not an easy baby at all. she is still challenging, but i've relaxed a bit.

i keep thinking the next should be easy cuz the first wasn't. right? RIGHT??

Yes!  Payback for having to live through the difficult one! 

thethomps

Thanks for the input, Ladies!  If things go according to plan (do they ever?), V will definitely be closer to the 2 y.o. mark.  I'll bookmark this for future reference!

thethomps

2H2L:

ETA: no way could I have survived without J. He is very hands on and involved with every aspect of the girls. He got up and helped with the night changings and feedings for both girls. If your H isn't as hands on, I could see it being much harder.

Thankfully, my H is very hands on, too.  I don't know how I would have made it through the first 4 months with V had he not been.  But this is good input!

rssnlvr

I'm gonna pretend like every response in this thread said it was pure awesomesauce and a piece of freaking cake.

:::looks at ticker and starts to feel faint::: 

PrincessBrideSarah

rssnlvr:

I'm gonna pretend like every response in this thread said it was pure awesomesauce and a piece of freaking cake.

:::looks at ticker and starts to feel faint::: 

Me too. Everything will be sunshine, rainbows, and cupcakes.  

Emer

Mine are 18 months apart.  DD (#1) was an easy baby, which to me means she was a good sleeper  DS (#2) didn't sleep more than 3-4 hours in a row for a year...

I work FT and DH stays home, so that helped quite a bit.  We were able to work together and he is obviously very involved.  

How did you survive?  
The hardest part was that #2 didn't sleep.  The other stuff really wasn't too bad.  DD was a great age- very flexible and helpful.  She would "help" get bottles, burp rags, etc.  She wasn't super fussy, so there weren't many times she was crying or upset and we couldn't get to her.  DS wanted to be held and walked all.the.time, but it really helped when I could sit and nurse him and DD would sit next to me or on a chair and we would read or sing songs.

Was it complete madness for a while?  
Yes, but not until #2 was mobile.  They are now 2 and 3 1/2 and while it probably looks like madness, but it's really just busy and fun.

Do you like the fact that your kiddos are so close in age?  
LOVE it.  There are certainly some down sides, but it's perfect for us.

Any other pros/cons that you want to mention are appreciated.  
Pros- I think #1 was at an easy age (for her) and was still really flexible.  It would have been harder to do it later, I think.  Two in diapers is a lot, but we didn't mind.  We often changed them both even if just one needed it, so we didn't feel like we were changing diapers all day.  Now, the end of (daytime) diapers is in sight and it's awesome! They play with the same things now and it's not only convenient, it's awesome to see.  They enjoy painting together, throwing a ball, etc. I also like that #1 isn't quite into toys with small parts yet, since DS is getting old enough to understand he can't put things in his mouth.

Cons- It's loud.  It doesn't bother us, but I know we overwhelm people sometimes  DD wanted to walk all the time when DS was born, which was easier since I didn't have her, but was hard to get around with them both.  As they got older, we had a hard time keeping them both in a stroller.  Even now, when one wants to be walking (which really means running), the other one does, too. We used to have an easy time finding people to watch just one child and even when DS was a baby, people (like our parents) were more willing to do it.  But now, it can seem like crazy town for people who aren't used to it and we are more likely to have to pay a sitter than have free help!

I guess I just need some reassurance that it is doable and that we can get through it with a decent amount of our sanity intact.  
Absolutely.  Patience is important, but it's doable for sure.  The most beneficial thing for us was getting them on the same nap schedule.  For the last year, they have both been napping 2-3 hours at the same time.  It's a great break, if you need it.

Ruby44

Michelle&Russ:

My kids are a year and 8 days apart.

How did you survive?  
I'm not sure. One day at a time.

Was it complete madness for a while?  
Yes. One of the most difficult things was that sometimes they would both be crying at the same time, needing attention, but I would have to pick just one to take care of at that time and let the other one cry. I developed a strong bond with my baby, but really grew apart from my older one. She grew a lot closer to her Dad. (Their Dad and I separated when my youngest was about 10 months old and I am now divorced.)

Do you like the fact that your kiddos are so close in age?  
I like it now. They play great together and really love each other.

Any other pros/cons that you want to mention are appreciated.  
Pros - my oldest was really too young to be jealous of the little one. Cons - two in diapers is expensive. And the whole 2u2 thing is just really freaking hard. My experience might have been different than other peoples' though, b/c my then husband wasn't a huge help.

I guess I just need some reassurance that it is doable and that we can get through it with a decent amount of our sanity intact.  
It's possible. I still deem myself appropriately sane, most of the time. Good luck.

mlf625

I absolutely love it.  We survived the first 6 months (the hardest part, imo) in Austin with no family around to help, and it wasn't all that bad.  Stressful at times, sure, but any time you have a 2nd (3rd, 4th, etc.) kid it's going to be nutso while everyone adjusts.

Now, with #2 over a year?  Pretty easy.  They entertain each other for short periods of time, their needs are pretty much the same as far as what they eat and drink and when they sleep, etc.  I love it and am SO happy we had them close.  

mlf625

ps: the best advice given to me before I had my 2nd (from another 2u2 mom) was to lower my expectations of myself.  I like a very clean house, I like the laundry caught up, I like home cooked meals.  Forget that for awhile, don't expect it to happen or you'll drive yourself nuts.  Our house was sometimes a mess, we did a lot of carry out, and the laundry mountain was sometimes out of control.  But you know what?  No biggie.  Now they're bigger and easier and things are back to how I want them.  (Most days.  Some days are still insane and that's okay, too.)  Just look at that first year as survival and go in with low expectations.

ndluvsrk

My boys are 20 months apart.  K2 was definitely an easier baby but now he is definitely my more challenging toddler, so they somehow make up for it. :-)

How did you survive?  
It was definitely tough. Even though K2 was a great sleeper overall (not sttn at 3 months or anything, but better than K1) K1 started waking up at night and it felt like they would tag team and so we didn't end up sleeping well for almost a year after K2 was born. DH was a HUGE help. It was hard, but we tried to talk about how hard it was and knew that it was only for a short time, which helped keep things in perspective.

Was it complete madness for a while?  
Yes. Even with a great partner helping out with everything, I felt torn in two. I wanted to continue the close bond with #1, but I had a baby with more essential needs (nursing every 2 hours). I love(d) my baby so much but I missed my big boy and wanted to spend time with him too. DH had to take care of a lot of K1's needs so they developed a great bond (which I missed). But things are so much easier and better now.

Do you like the fact that your kiddos are so close in age?  
Absolutely. I love it!  I love how they interact and play together. It is so fun to observe, makes my heart melt.

Any other pros/cons that you want to mention are appreciated.  
I think having them close together is very stressful on a marriage initially because with only one, at least one person can get a break some of the time. With 2, it's man-on-man coverage so there's never really a break until they're both sleeping. I really think talking about it helps a lot and knowing that it's only temporary and just a drop in a bucket of time that it's going to be like this.

I guess I just need some reassurance that it is doable and that we can get through it with a decent amount of our sanity intact.  
Yes, it is completely doable and you will get your sanity back. And then you'll want a third, like me. Ha, just kidding!  I know not everyone wants a third.