What else can I do in this situation? Carseat experts please advise.

meghans30

I have a friend who has custody of her 5 yo grandson. We have become pretty close over the past 2 years because she watches my 3 yo 2 days a week. We sometimes ride together in my van on outings with all 3 boys. My 5 soon to be 6 yo is in a 5 pt. harness (Graco Nautilus); my 3 yo rides in the same seat. Her grandson sits in a backless booster.

This is when things get tricky. Last summer we took a beach trip together.  I buckled my boys in their seats and she got her grandson situated in his. We drove 2 hours to the beach and of course drove back together. I realized on the trip home that she PURPOSELY puts the shoulder belt BEHIND her grandson and he does not remain seated; leans forward off the car seat, etc. I was stunned at first and did not say anything (I know, bad move). Since this incident I make sure to tell him in a very nice tone that he needs to wear his shoulder belt in my car and stay seated. He has no problem listening to me, but  I know she still allows him to sit in her car without the shoulder belt. I thought that by telling the boy this in her presence that she would realize her mistake, but she has not. She is my FB friend and I link sites I have found on here about carseat/ seatbelt safety on my page hoping that she will get the hint and fix her mistake, but she has not. So, I need to confront her..... I hate confrontations, but it would kill me if her grandson was injured or killed because of the incorrect use of the seatbelt. What/how is the best method?  What type of seat should a 5 yo be in? A booster with a back? Go back to a 5 pt harness? He is on the bigger side.

Couldn't he be decapitated wearing the lap belt only? Anyone know of any links regarding using a lap belt vs. shoulder and lap belt only? 

 

amiamish

It sucks when people don't do the same as what you believe to be the safest. (I'm not being snarky) My cousin is the same way with her kids, her twins were turned FF at 8 or 9 mo and the straps always loose. Her son is 30ish lbs and not 4 yet and has been in a high back booster with seat belt for months already. I simply tell her, "I'm not trying to be a know it all, but the safest thing for your kids is ___" when I see the problem. I've told her at least twice. That's all I can do. As I find new info I always pass it on to her, but she doesn't see that point in following the "rules." And since its not MY child, I have no say in it.The only time I have been a "***" about it is when her son rode in my car. I readjusted his 5pt harness (this was last year) and made them tight, my car-my rules. Her son didn't care or squawk about it one bit.

So, tell her once or twice then let it go.

JOEBunny

I had a friend who turned her child around at 10 months (she lived in England with her first, where this was fine).  I told her that it was illegal.  She said the seat she had was only forward facing, it was (again England), I sent her the link to the law, and she said, they appreciate it, but kept her forward facing.

That said, I would not allow a child to ride in my car who was not properly restrained.  I would put my own child in a sub-standard car seat first, and put there child in the Nautilus, since it would be new to my child and they would likely follow the direction.  I would tell your friend that you are doing it because her grandson won't sit properly in a booster and you can't take on that liability.

If she doesn't get the message at that point, I don't know what else you could do. 

meghans30

I will continue to follow the "my car, my rules" thought process. I have not said to her directly, "Hey, you KNOW that's not safe, right?" I've tried to be indirect about it... I mean they don't even make cars without shoulder belts anymore... How can she not know?

ok, vent over. Praying she never gets in a serious accident.  

Cbidt's girl

JOEBunny:

I had a friend who turned her child around at 10 months (she lived in England with her first, where this was fine).  I told her that it was illegal.  She said the seat she had was only forward facing, it was (again England), I sent her the link to the law, and she said, they appreciate it, but kept her forward facing.

That said, I would not allow a child to ride in my car who was not properly restrained.  I would put my own child in a sub-standard car seat first, and put there child in the Nautilus, since it would be new to my child and they would likely follow the direction.  I would tell your friend that you are doing it because her grandson won't sit properly in a booster and you can't take on that liability.

If she doesn't get the message at that point, I don't know what else you could do. 

what's the point of putting your kid in the lesser seat? I wouldn't endanger my kid to teach someone else a lesson.

amiamish

Cbidt's girl:

JOEBunny:

I had a friend who turned her child around at 10 months (she lived in England with her first, where this was fine).  I told her that it was illegal.  She said the seat she had was only forward facing, it was (again England), I sent her the link to the law, and she said, they appreciate it, but kept her forward facing.

That said, I would not allow a child to ride in my car who was not properly restrained.  I would put my own child in a sub-standard car seat first, and put there child in the Nautilus, since it would be new to my child and they would likely follow the direction.  I would tell your friend that you are doing it because her grandson won't sit properly in a booster and you can't take on that liability.

If she doesn't get the message at that point, I don't know what else you could do. 

what's the point of putting your kid in the lesser seat? I wouldn't endanger my kid to teach someone else a lesson.

I was going to say the same thing, but thought I must have read the post wrong...who would intentionally put their child in a "sub-standard car seat" ???

meghans30

Cbidt's girl:

JOEBunny:

I had a friend who turned her child around at 10 months (she lived in England with her first, where this was fine).  I told her that it was illegal.  She said the seat she had was only forward facing, it was (again England), I sent her the link to the law, and she said, they appreciate it, but kept her forward facing.

That said, I would not allow a child to ride in my car who was not properly restrained.  I would put my own child in a sub-standard car seat first, and put there child in the Nautilus, since it would be new to my child and they would likely follow the direction.  I would tell your friend that you are doing it because her grandson won't sit properly in a booster and you can't take on that liability.

If she doesn't get the message at that point, I don't know what else you could do. 

what's the point of putting your kid in the lesser seat? I wouldn't endanger my kid to teach someone else a lesson.

And him being in a booster is not the issue. He's a big kid. I can't imagine a 5 pt harness would be an option for him. I'm more concerned that she is using the seatbelt incorrectly. I just don't get that she doesn't realize this. Maybe she misunderstand how a booster seat should be used? 

JOEBunny

amiamish:

Cbidt's girl:

JOEBunny:

I had a friend who turned her child around at 10 months (she lived in England with her first, where this was fine).  I told her that it was illegal.  She said the seat she had was only forward facing, it was (again England), I sent her the link to the law, and she said, they appreciate it, but kept her forward facing.

That said, I would not allow a child to ride in my car who was not properly restrained.  I would put my own child in a sub-standard car seat first, and put there child in the Nautilus, since it would be new to my child and they would likely follow the direction.  I would tell your friend that you are doing it because her grandson won't sit properly in a booster and you can't take on that liability.

If she doesn't get the message at that point, I don't know what else you could do. 

what's the point of putting your kid in the lesser seat? I wouldn't endanger my kid to teach someone else a lesson.

I was going to say the same thing, but thought I must have read the post wrong...who would intentionally put their child in a "sub-standard car seat" ???

Because to my child, sitting in a booster is a special.  If I told her how to do it, sit up right, keep the upper belt on your chest, she would do it.  The other kid clearly doesn't have those rules.  I would much rather have my DD in a booster riding in my car and the other child in DD's 5 point, where he can't do what he wants.   I am frankly much more concerned about the injury/lawsuit that would come because the child who was not using a booster properly was severely injured because he projectiled out of my car in a minor accident, than I am that a 5 year old would be injured using a booster properly.  I also generally exercise more caution in general with other peoples kids than my own.  My kids, my risk tolerance.  Their kids, 0 risk tolerance. 

amiamish

oh I didn't realize your DD was almost 5. I get what you're saying now. Sorry

goodheartedmommy

He's not going to be decapitated, he'll be ejected, suffer major internal damage, or have major head trauma from hitting his head on everything within reach (window, other carseat, back of seat in front of him). Your car, your rules. Either insist she buy him a high back booster or buy it yourself, and remind him nonstop to sit in it correctly. 6 is old enough to sit still in the car when you tell them to, barring developmental delays of course. The reality is that you can be held liable for his death if he dies in a car accident in your car and you didn't make him use his seat properly. He either rides correctly or they can ride in their own car.

meghans30

goodheartedmommy:

He's not going to be decapitated, he'll be ejected, suffer major internal damage, or have major head trauma from hitting his head on everything within reach (window, other carseat, back of seat in front of him). Your car, your rules. Either insist she buy him a high back booster or buy it yourself, and remind him nonstop to sit in it correctly. 6 is old enough to sit still in the car when you tell them to, barring developmental delays of course. The reality is that you can be held liable for his death if he dies in a car accident in your car and you didn't make him use his seat properly. He either rides correctly or they can ride in their own car.

Was thinking of doing this seeing we need an extra seat once my MIL comes back from FL this summer. Trevor will need a high back booster for her car, so I'll just keep it handy if they ride with us. He is 5 my son is 6. I have contemplated changing Trev's Nautilus into a high back booster, but he still has one more slot (I need to change the hanress position ASAP becasue it is now below his shoulders).

I know 6 is probably on the very late end for still being harnessed, so I do not judge her for having him in a booster. It's the imporper use of the seatbelt that just is unbelievable. I'm thinking that she assumes the booster takes the place of proper seatbelt placement; that he doesn't need the shoulder belt in a booster.

rebs

You said this friend has custody of her grandson- so I assume she is older than the average mom?  Just keep in mind that carseat/seatbelt laws and rules have changed ALOT since she rasied her kid.  She may not even realize what she is doing wrong- most likely when she had kids their were only lap belts in the back of the car. I would just nicely say "Hey look, I should have said something before, but did you realize that kids in boosters need the shoulder belt across their chest, etc". I know we had to explain the new rules to our parents, and while they do think it is slightly ridiculous (after all THEIR kids survived, lol) they are happy to follow them.

I agree with the your car, your rules deal.  If he is a big kid for 5 then I think a tall back booster is fine (my DS was in one at that age b/c he is all torso and his straps didn't fit anymore). Just an FYI on the booster, I love the Britax Parkway we just got DS.  It has a clip between the legs to slide over seatbelt which is great for when DS falls asleep on the way to the lake, he can't slump under the belt.