Friends dwindling since becoming preg — The Bump
Upstate NY Babies

Friends dwindling since becoming preg

Hi. I am 23 and expecting my first child in July with my husband. Since finding out I was pregnant, my friends have been in-and-out ever since. I figured I wouldn't be invited out for drink, but it seems like no one can invite me to do something if it doesn't pertain to drinking. None of my friends are married, done college, or even in any kind of serious relationship. It gets better....neither are any of my husband's friends. So what to do? How do we make friends with other couples? We do have relatives like his brother who has a 2 yr old and my cousin who has a 6 yr old...maybe arrange more family oriented things? Any suggestions! I am starting to get depressed...

Re: Friends dwindling since becoming preg

  • To be honest once having your child it'll get even harder. We didn't get invites from certain friends, just because they "assumed" we wouldn't want to join in or whatever.

    With my girl friends, we've started a monthly girl's night, and rotate who plans each month, so pregnant or not everyone gets to do something they want to do! Usually dinner and something after, and mostly just hanging out! My DH's friends started have kids right around the same time, so we never see any of them! But he tries to do the same thing, get out at least once a month with the guys, or invite them over on my girl's night out and play poker or something while our DD sleeps!

     We definately do A LOT more with my sisters and our parents. But we've always done a lot together before kids! :)

    If I were you and it's REALLY bugging you...say something to your friends. If they're you're friends then you should be able to tell them you feel left out! Hopefully that'll help! GL!

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  • I actually feel like I have more friends since having Tess, but I have been very intentional about making friends with other moms (especially those with similar parenting ideals or kids a similar age).  I just turned 25, so a lot of my friends are just getting married, not having kids yet.  When I first had Tess, I went to every playdate and moms group I heard about and just found my niche.

    And some of my best girl/mom friends are from this board :)

    Plus, I don't see any reason why you can't go out for "drinks" with your current friends.  You are still the same person, you just happen to be pregnant! 

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  • It can be tough... being in different places in life.  My husband is really busy so it is hard for me to GTG with non-parent friends or even those who have people to watch their kids.  My kid's naps and bedtimes dictate my schedule.. so needless to say, having to be home by 1:30 for nap and 8 for bedtime does not make it easy.. some of my friends want to go to dinner AT 8 (and since my husband isn't home, I can't leave when the kids go to bed).  It can also be hard to relate.. while one person is super excited about wedding dresses or dating, I might be focused on a new tooth coming in or whatnot.  I can barely sit down and have lunch - I have two kids pulling on me and it is really tough to eat anywhere (outside of homes).  And I find it is very tough to find family oriented activities in the area, at least in colder weather.  In the summer we can go apple or berry picking or in the fall pumpkin picking.  I do worry about my friends (who dont' have kids) being bored or annoyed by the kids, and I feel bad they have to tailor to the kids.  And then sometimes their houses are NOT baby proofed, so I'm a nervous wreck (think bull in a china shop).  But then I have friends who are engaged who have my daughter over every couple Saturdays and they are going to teach her to ski next winter.

    I definitely found it important to find other moms to relate to.  Being a mom can be so tough and isolating.. it is REALLY nice to find other people who have been up all night trying to get their baby to latch or wondering if the consistency of their baby's poop is ok :)

    I do think it is important to try to maintain some relationships, but I find being in diff places weeds out some friends who don't want to put effort into a relationship.

  • image emiliemetcalf:

    And some of my best girl/mom friends are from this board :)

    Aw, ditto!

    I too have found great friends who have things in common with me now.  I am still friends with some of my single friends, but the relationships are different.  Maybe you could ask them to do something, so that they would know that you are still interested.   

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  • Your friendships will change even more after having the baby.  I would try to find a group of moms in your area and get aquainted with them.  You might make some really good friends :)

    When are you due?  My son was born July 7!

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  • I don't have a ton of suggestions, but wanted you to know you're not alone. My husband and I actually had a similar problem with his friends, but opposite. We were the last out of his group of friends to have kids, so for 3 years they started doing all this stuff that we suddenly weren't invited to. (Hi, a cookout is a cookout whether there's kids running around or not!)

    When you start taking birthing classes I'd reach out to people there, and same with any Mommy and Me type classes. 

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