Getting so annoyed with DS and eating

august06mom

DS (4.5) refuses to try anything new. He'll eat chicken, he'll eat rice, but god forbid I try to combine the two in a caserole or something. Or god forbid the rice is different colors and he's never seen it before, like when I made rice pilaf. No sauce of any kind on anything. Nothing combined. Raw veggies are OK, but no cooked ones. I am SO sick of dinnertime battle.

 I'm not making two dinners, but I would like the meal to go peacefully for one. The second he sees what I'm making, he tells me he's not going to eat it, or he'll only eat one thing, or he's not hungry. He'll happily go to bed without dinner and then eat a giant breakfast in the morning. I know I should just keep letting him do this, but I'm sick of making food and then throwing his out. And I'm sick of the tantrums that go along if I tell him that he has to eat it if he's truly hungry.

I'm trying to think of meals I can freeze so that I can just thaw them out when the baby comes, and I'm realizing that he won't eat ANY of them. The kid would happily live on buttered noodles if he could.  

Anyone else in this boat? I'm sick of people just telling me to serve what I make and he'll eventually eat it. We've been like this for over a year, and I've never made seperate dinners, and we're still battling night after night. Every once in a while I don't mind catering to him (he can have plain cheese quesadillas while we have chicken and cheese ones), but sometimes it's just not possible ("No, I can't take the sauce of the baked ziti or lasagna, sorry.")

femmegem

Me. It sucks. He also has sensory issues, though, and I'm not sure if it's that or just the fact that he's extraordinarily stubborn but he will go hungry before he'll eat anything he'd prefer not to. Honestly, I just don't fight it any more. We heat up hot dogs, plain pasta, rice, etc. for him even if we're not eating it because I'm just tired.

My OT told me she made a chart for her son, who also has sensory issues and was also majorly picky. She made up a sheet with foods he could get for himself when he didn't like what the rest of the family was eating. I'm thinking of doing the same thing because I'm also tired of listing all his possible remotely healthy options every night.

I hate the food stuff. It makes me feel like such a complete failure as a mom.

august06mom

DS has no sensory issues -- he does have stubborn issues! I think the most frustrating part is that he'll decide he no longer likes food he once did. He ate oatmeal several times a week for two years. Now he won't touch it. He's getting the same way with eggs now. It's like he's  getting more difficult over time.

r9stedt

I could have wrote your post.  I'm tired of fighting it.  Sure, I am probably reinforcing it, but when it is just him and me, I don't even bother.  He does know that if we go somewhere (grandma's, etc) that he has to eat what is being served. 

Zenya

I am so tired and i don't feel well but i've posted about this in the past.  I did see an OT about my son and we do 'food games'.  I will dig up an old post with more info on that.

Right now we're kind of in the middle.  We do the food games which are helping a lot.  And also  I try to have something he'll eat at dinner.  Casseroles etc are a long way off for him, I think.  So if we're having that i'll fix him a 'snack plate' of multiple healthy things like fruit, raw veggies, PB toast etc.  On that plate I'll have something new that he tries as a food game.

so yes it's more work but it feels like constructive work.  not the hair pulling work it was before.  he no longer seems AS afraid as he was.  and the gagging has stopped.  

the whole 'he'll eat when he's hungry' thing isn't true for DS or for a lot of kids like him.  I've learned to tune out the advice of those who just don't know what they're talking about.

Having a specific approach to him trying new things has been CRUCIAL.  He asks every time that I go get the sheet with the steps even though we both know them by heart.  He really needs and utilizes the structure surrounding the whole thing.  

Also having HIM pick what he wants to try (while it seems kind of stupid b/c the whole goal is for him to eat what I make...) has been v. important.  It's making him braver and more confident and that's really the heart of it.  He was utterly terrified of new foods/textures.  So even if it felt stupid to celebrate him eating cherries and cereal (his choices) when I REALLY want him to eat mashed potatoes (my choice) it was a step in the right direction.  Last night he drank a yogurt drink with no gagging (my choice).  

The hardest thing for me has been learning how hard to push.  I pushed it too hard sometimes and had to take breaks.  The right approach for him seems to be structure, structure but lots of encouragement and praise.  The structure gives him the rules and he's a rule follower which helps.

Best of luck to you  I'll try and find that post with more info. 

august06mom

Thanks Zenya, this helps. We cheer him like crazy when he tries a new food (any new food!), but that has become a rare instance lately.

GingerSB

I hear you. DD is the same. The worst is the judgement from other parents. I even mentioned he sesnory issues so that I wouldn't be judged and was told that it's a made-up diagnosis. You can't win.

Zenya

Found it!

https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/47999460.aspx 

Zenya

oh and while I do make that healthy snack plate some nights I also will just make them chicken nuggets or toast or whatever.  I don't want it to sound like I do it right all the time.  Often I am lazy and figure whatever.... I don't care enough today to deal.

hikerbeth

I get it.

My DD has sensory issues and it manifests itself as big texture problems with food.  She can't stand having things with different textures mixed (ie: casseroles), but she does pretty well having things separated.  She will actually make herself gag and throw up if she comes across an unexpected texture.

I guess you could call it "catering" to her, but before I combine things, I will keep some portion out so I can keep pasta, sauce, veggies, etc. separated.  It's not really cooking another meal, so it's not a big deal to me.

I will say that things have improved slightly since her little brother came along.  He's a garbage disposal and will eat anything, so she's actually tried some new things because she sees him eating them.

DandelionMom

One of my girls is like that.  But she has celiac disease so I try to be really understanding.  We stress being polite about it -- taste something and if you don't care for it you politely ask for something else.  And on the days I know she won't like what I'm making (like she won't eat any kind of pasta) I just make her canned soup (I buy the organic, low sodium ones so I don't have to feel too guilty about it). 

JOEBunny

People who say they will eat what you make don't have my kids.  They have a limited range, and even that they are picky about, like take out pizza over frozen.  They don't eat much either.  They will reject even cookies.  I serve them healthy foods, they decide what to eat, but there would be no eating if I served them what DH and I like.  I don't make them extra meals, if they don't eat what is served, but I don't make them eat what we eat. 

Zenya, "the whole 'he'll eat when he's hungry' thing isn't true for DS or for a lot of kids like him.  I've learned to tune out the advice of those who just don't know what they're talking about." is very true.