So frustrated!

firefightersgal

From the beginning, I felt like our social worker is trying to push us in directions we don't feel comfortable.  (Like taking sibling groups or teenagers).  We have been honest all along and perhaps that has cost us.  She has tried to sway us and is starting to make this foster/adopt process very difficult for us, if not impossible.

The first time she came to our house, she said just a couple of things needed to be changed and we would be fine.  The second time, she essentially told me we would not be able to be licensed without at least one major structural change to our house.  She also said things like, "You know, cribs have to be replaced every three years," (ours is brand new) and asked if we have a carseat.  When we told her that we don't have one in our possession at the time, but our friends have one they are going to let us use if we don't have enough notice to get one of our own, she just gave us the side-eye.

Now, she's acting like she has never spoken to us about any of this, which is ridiculous, because we have been working with her since at least November.  She sent me an email today asking if we only want to adopt, because she thinks she needs to forward us to the adoption department and not license us for foster care.  If she does that, we will probably not get the chance to have a very young child.  Most, if not all, of the children currently available for (strictly) adoption are much older than our preferred age range and/or in sibling groups.  After everything she has said and done, it feels like she's purposefully doing it to us.  I don't know why and I don't have much of an "out" on this.  She is the only person in our area with this agency, so I can't switch social workers.  At this point, she holds our fate in her hands and the outlook isn't good.

I'm so tired of dealing with her and this whole mess.  Now I really feel like a fool for buying a crib, making bedding, painting the room, etc.

come*on*baby

fredalina:

Might be time to build a relationship with her supervisor.

 

Ditto. Supervisors can be a big help. 

mysticl

Getting a used car seat is often frowned upon because you don't know if it has been in a wreck.  Many second hand and thrift stores will not accept them for this reason.  The agency I worked for kept a variety of car seats on hand to loan to FPs for the emergency placements because that way we knew the condition of the seats. 

What kind of structural change did she all of a sudden decide that you needed?

firefightersgal

I'm cool with having to buy a new car seat, and we actually plan on it except in the case that a child is coming to us right.now. and there is no time to drive 30 minutes to town to get one.   Also, I don't want to invest in an infant seat if we get a child too big for one, and if we were to get a baby, I would prefer an infant seat.  However, the point of that info was that she is coming up with excuse after excuse and adding more and more to our list of must-do things before she will allow the health department to come to the house.  It wasn't too long ago that everything was just fine and we were the ideal candidates. We are more than prepared for an infant, as we have all of DD's toys, we bought a new crib, I'm sewing bedding, etc.  I even went so far as to buy a breathable bumper for the crib, rather than the traditional padded, decorative one.

We are halfway finished constructing a new porch for our house.  The roof part of the porch needs to be built yet, but the floor and steps are perfectly usable and allow for easy access to the house.  The first time she came to the house, she made no mention of the porch.  The second time, she said we had to have it completely finished before she would file our paperwork and send the health department for an inspection.  I spoke to someone who works for another agency and she said she didn't believe the health department would deny us for the situation.  However, if our social worker refuses to file our paperwork, then we are stuck.

mysticl

firefightersgal:

I'm cool with having to buy a new car seat, and we actually plan on it except in the case that a child is coming to us right.now. and there is no time to drive 30 minutes to town to get one.   Also, I don't want to invest in an infant seat if we get a child too big for one, and if we were to get a baby, I would prefer an infant seat.  However, the point of that info was that she is coming up with excuse after excuse and adding more and more to our list of must-do things before she will allow the health department to come to the house.  It wasn't too long ago that everything was just fine and we were the ideal candidates. We are more than prepared for an infant, as we have all of DD's toys, we bought a new crib, I'm sewing bedding, etc.  I even went so far as to buy a breathable bumper for the crib, rather than the traditional padded, decorative one.

We are halfway finished constructing a new porch for our house.  The roof part of the porch needs to be built yet, but the floor and steps are perfectly usable and allow for easy access to the house.  The first time she came to the house, she made no mention of the porch.  The second time, she said we had to have it completely finished before she would file our paperwork and send the health department for an inspection.  I spoke to someone who works for another agency and she said she didn't believe the health department would deny us for the situation.  However, if our social worker refuses to file our paperwork, then we are stuck.

It could be that she wasn't sure about the porch so she asked her supervisor when she went back to the office and that was the answer she was given.  I used to do homestudies and sometimes I would see something that I didn't usually come across and have to get an "official" decision from the agency before I could address it with the family.  I know in my state an individual agency can make their requirements stricter than the state standards.  For example my state requires a smoke detector in "sleeping areas" meaning the hallway outside of the bedrooms is sufficient.  My agency required that there be a smoke detector in any room a foster child would sleep in.