Dealing with visitation and the weekend (long)
So BM and DH have been going back and forth (sorta) about visitation. He filed paperwork for visitation EOWeek instead of EOW. BM keeps asking what else he would be willing to agree to. DH keeps saying he will agree to what he?s asked the court for (as she has not suggested any other alternatives). After Banna44 told me her schedule (THANK YOU) we decided this one might work better for both parties:
During School Year:
DH: Mon and Tues
BM: Wed and Thurs
Switch every other weekend Fri - Sun
During Summer Vacation:
Every other week
We also said that there would be other details to be worked out but this is the basic version.
DH likes this schedule because he would get to see the kids every week rather than every other. He also told her he wanted a very specific schedule, the more specific the easier to follow. He did tell her they could still be flexible at times but schedule needed to be in place. We sent this to her on Monday afternoon. We have yet to hear from her about it and normally she responds the same day.
BM keeps saying that she wants to handle it out of court. DH told her he wanted to go to court. The reason is that they can?t really handle this type of conversation in person. She is right no matter what and he can?t get a sentence out because she is to busy telling him he is wrong and she is right. Both get frustrated and it gets worse from there. At least in court both will get to say their point of view and this time DH has a lawyer. I think BM has realized that we won?t have to pay for her attorney (she stated we would ? he told her no we wouldn?t) and I don?t think she can afford one.
I also think she keeps trying to bring it up at baseball practice because she knows that there is a chance DH will get mad and make a scene, thus looking bad on him. So instead he just doesn?t answer her questions and has told her that he will not discuss it at practice as that is not time or the place.
On another note this past weekend was her weekend with the boys. We showed up for their baseball practice from 11-1 &1-3. They were late (as usual) but ok fine whatever. I was watching SS9 practice and H was helping with practice and also playing with SS6. I noticed that she and her BF disappeared; I then noticed her car was gone. I asked DH if he knew where she was and he said no. I just figured and hoped that she had gone to get SS6 lunch before his 1pm practice and would also have SS9 something when he was finished with his practice. Would have been nice to have let us know she was leaving. She came back with no food only Gatorade.
1st issue ? your kids are at a ball field practicing for 2hrs each and 4 hrs total having only eaten cereal for breakfast and now they have to wait until after 3pm to eat again?
2nd issue ? BM assumed that we would watch the kids and didn?t check with us to make sure we were staying for the whole practice. DH and I don?t mind watching them ? in fact we love it and for the most part we will be able to stay for their entire practices but still please don?t assume that we are. They don't acknowledge each other normally so he wouldn't have noticed her walking by much less anything she was saying. She said that she told DH as she walked by him that she was leaving. He doesn't remember that, even if he did remember her walking by she was walking with her BF (as both disappeared) and probably would have assumed they were talking to each other, not her talking to him. If DH needed to talk to her he would have walked up to her and said whatever he needed to stay, he would have gotten her attention.
Re: Dealing with visitation and the weekend (long)
Your schedule looks great and the quicker you get it to the courts the better. GL!
BM#2 is pretty flighty and would do the same thing about practice. We know we can't change her (after years of it getting under my skin) so we just come prepared with food/drinks if it is our time or not. That was the only solution we could come up with so I wouldn't get mad about things like this.
Seeing that DH's previous visitation schedule (prior to every other weekend) was Wed. - Sun every other week and 1 day during the off week. We feel pretty good about at least getting more time, even if it's not this exact schedule. BM doesn't seem to want to give us any extra time at all so we feel that going to court will give us more than what we have now.
Have you considered a mediator? That way both parties get heard, no lawyers are needed, and it's usually less expensive and drawn out than court, but you still get a legal agreement to enter to the court.
If you can't come to an agreement there then at least you know you tried. A lot of times the courts here will send the parties to mediation before they'll even hear the case, so you might be saving yourself a step too!
GL! Schedule changes are hard!
DH has tried mediation the last few times when schedule changes or anything has come up. It was before me, and DH has said that it just doesn't work. It's that BM has to have everything her way. She may use the word compromise but I don't think she actually knows the definition. She has never given "in" on anything and she rarely gives us extra time with the boys unless it benifits her - she'd never just be nice about it.
If we thought for a second she would try and make things fair or compromise, we would do mediation, but she won't. I think the fact that she, herself, hasn't offered any suggestions herself, shows that she doesn't want to change visitation at all. She told DH back in January when we moved that nothing would change - she would not give us more time at all.
That sucks. We've been there.