Seriously just want to cry...help please.

aml0905

I feel like such a crappy mom today. My just turned 4 year old is seriously about to send me over the edge. Throw in my tantrum throwing 19 month old and I am really just done by the end of the day. I feel like such a crappy mom at the end of the day and resolve to try to not lose my patience the next day and it has just not been working.

DS is high energy and his listening skills suck. Sometimes he does a great job other times it is seriously like I am talking to a brick wall. With other people it is the same way. I am just so frustrated, he seems to always be the kid in the group that is not listening, that the teacher has to set back in line (gymnastics, preschool program, etc).

 Any parenting book recs or anyone to let me know I'm not alone? I need to try something different and just not feel so alone in this....

karen6784

((hugs)) we have all been there!  I would recommend Dr. Becky Bailey's conscious discipline techniques.  I hope tomorrow is a better day. 

r9stedt

First of all, I highly doubt that you are a crappy mom.    Take a deep breathe, count to ten, and ignore the post about a clean  house before bed.  

Does your H help at all?  Sounds like you could use a day to collect and energize yourself.

What does your day look like?  WOHM?  Are they hungry/tired/vying for attention when you get home?   I find that L's behavior (he is almost 4) is worse when I don't give him one on one time as soon as we get home.  He gets undivided attention before I start anything.

We also have started giving him a lot of choices.    This has helped tremendously.   Do you want to go to bed now or in 5 minutes?  (set timer)  Do you want to go take a bath now or in 5 minutes (set timer)?  Do you want to pick up your toys now or in 5 minutes (again set timer)?

By no means am I a perfect parent, but I am working on trying to keep my calm.   It is hard.

cooker71

No book recs, but you're totally not alone. I have a 4 1/2 yo and a little guy who will be 2 next month and it's a tantrum a minute around here some days. It's so tough when they're both in phases like that, but it will pass.

Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.  

JOEBunny

You are not alone.  I put DD to bed at 6:00 (she fell asleep at 8:30), an hour before her bedroom.  Otherwise, I would have killed her whinosourous.  DS and DD mostly get along ok, but they have their days.  DS isn't too bad on his own (yet), but the two together can drive me nuts.  They are mostly good kids too, especially for people who are not me.

mulrooney

I have no suggestions but wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My children (4 year old & 18 months) were hell beasts today and I had run out of patience by lunch time. By dinner I was just going through the motions. 

I resolve every night to be a better mom tomorrow & yet I wake up every morning dreading the day. I feel bad for my kids because they deserve so much more but I get so beat down.  Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

aml0905

r9stedt:

Does your H help at all?  Sounds like you could use a day to collect and energize yourself.

What does your day look like?  WOHM?  Are they hungry/tired/vying for attention when you get home?   I find that L's behavior (he is almost 4) is worse when I don't give him one on one time as soon as we get home.  He gets undivided attention before I start anything.

DH does help but he has been working a lot more lately because he has a big project at work and there is a lot at stake for him. His stress level is up because of this and we've discussed the fact that even when he is home he isn't really "with" us because his mind is still on work. He has been working on it, but it is just something I think we are going to have to just deal with for the next several months until this project is done.

 As for days, I SAH during the day and WAH in the evenings after DH gets home  or after the kids are in bed for 3-4 hours, 3 nights a week. They can be playing great and then I need to do something and they are ALL.OVER.ME...whining, crying. DS goes to a preschool program 1 morning a week and has gymnastics 1 morning and we just signed up for gymnastics for this spring. I try to do some kind of craft with them during the day, spend one on one time with him doing what he wants for a little bit when DD naps (which makes me feel guilty that I don't get that one on one with her daily).

I am hoping that things will improve a little bit once winter is FINALLY gone and we can get outside and play on a regular basis....

 I agree I probably need some time by myself and with DH and I just to focus on each other, but again I feel guilty leaving them with other people because the kids can be so difficult sometimes.

aml0905

mulrooney:

I resolve every night to be a better mom tomorrow & yet I wake up every morning dreading the day. I feel bad for my kids because they deserve so much more but I get so beat down.  Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Thanks...and this is exactly me lately.

chelle828

Right there with ya with the 4 year old.  I am NOT liking this phase!!!  Hang in there.  I'm sure you're a wonderful mother - just the fact that you're concerned about it shows you are!  Take lots of deep breaths and remember this too shall pass.  Pretty soon they'll be snot nosed teenagers and you'll be wishing for the 4 year old tantrum!

mamarazzi

My two are killing me.  And it's a very slow, painful death where the days seem to be on repeat.

The 4yo is sass, fits and whining all day long.  He also loves to antagonize his brother.  The 2yo goes from sugary sweet to demon child in a nanosecond.

Age four is awful.  I pray it's just a phase and five is better.  At the very least, he'll go to Kindergarten 5 days a week then.

The days are definitely long and rough.  I'm hoping things improve when the boys can get outside and run off energy once it gets nice.

Floridamom224

I dont usually post...just lurk, but I had t chime in on this one. I  know exactly how you feel.